Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Power of Cursing and Blessing


I came home from work the other day and quickly checked my email as I waited for the supper call. A couple of emails later I came across one that was very discouraging. You know, the kind that causes tears to well up and your heart to drop to your stomach with disappointment. In the overall scheme of things it was relatively minor but it was like a harmonic on a chord that was already vibrating pretty forcefully. I went to the dinner table and immediately took it out on my family. Seeing the look on my face my wife asked, “How was your day at work Honey?” To which I lovingly replied, “It was fine. It was just like any other day at work. I can’t stand being there. I’d rather be doing other things besides what I do for a living. But, as far as work goes, it was fine.” After that we managed our way through the rest of our mealtime being careful not to talk about anything that might set me off.

After dinner I returned to my office and finished reading my email while I left my wife and son to clean up the dishes. Man was I making deposits or what? The first one I opened was on the opposite spectrum from the discouraging one I had read earlier. This one told me that my article on “Transparent Leadership” (see my earlier blog entry) had been selected for publication and that it would be featured on the front page of the website/newsletter on which it was being published. And if that weren’t enough, the announcement was accompanied by words of praise from the Editor regarding my insights. It was… well… you know… the kind of email that causes tears to well up and your heart to swell with pride. I quickly printed the email, pranced out of my office, and handed it to my wife. I was grinning from ear-to-ear. She took it from me cautiously. She was, no doubt, confused by my sudden mood swing which is very abnormal for me.

It was at this point that I heard that little voice inside telling me what jerk I had been. You know… the nearly imperceptible whisper that comes from the Almighty Lord of Heaven and Earth… The one that causes tears to well up and a lump to form in your throat. I realized that once again I had allowed my feelings to define me rather than refine me. I reacted rather than responded.

After I asked my wife’s forgiveness I took some time to re-center and process what had happened or, rather, what I had allowed to happen. I wanted to get some value from examining my responses, both positive and negative. Aside from another poignant illustration as to my need to better control my reactions to my feelings, I also saw the power of cursing and blessing. There is great power in the tongue, the pen, or the digital page. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

So, I will eat its fruit. I will examine the curse and look for any applicable truths. I will acknowledge those truths and change my attitudes and behaviors so that I may conform myself more fully to the image of Christ. I will do likewise with the blessing. I will acknowledge the aspects that are true, recognizing that it is only my conformance to the image of Christ that allowed them to be and gives them value.

Excelsior!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Meaning of Valentine's Day


Since today is Valentine's Day I thought I would post an article that I wrote a few years back on it.


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Embracing Valentine's Day



Each year at this time many of us celebrate Valentine's Day. But, like many other holidays, the holiday customs we observe today are quite different than the ones observed in the past. And just who was Saint Valentine anyway? Most of us have no idea or a vague notion at best. Therefore, let us take a look into the distant past and see what can be learned about this mysterious Patron Saint of Love.

We do not know when Valentine was born but the historical date of his death is circa 270 A.D. There are varying stories regarding the precise identity of Valentine. One is that he was a Roman priest, another a bishop in the Italian province of Terni. Much of what is "known" about Valentine falls into the category of legend since it cannot be verified historically. In fact, it was for this reason that the Catholic Church removed Valentine from their calendar of approved feasts in 1969.

The most common Valentine story --and the one I like best-- goes something like this: In the latter part of the third century A.D. the Roman Emperor Claudius II was having trouble finding enough young men willing to join his army. The primary reason, he determined, was their desire to remain with their wives or to pursue a wife. Putting his creative genius to work he arrived at a solution which was to ban marriage. Valentine, a priest, was outraged because of the high view he had of marriage and because he greatly enjoyed performing marriage ceremonies. Therefore, he refused to comply with Claudius' edict and was ultimately brought before Claudius for judgment. Legend has it that Claudius tried to get him to recant his faith, which Valentine refused to do, so he had him thrown into jail. Some legends talk about Valentine befriending the jailer's daughter during his imprisonment and writing her a note signed "Love, your Valentine" shortly before his execution on February 14th.

Although we cannot be assured of the specific details surrounding the death of Valentine, we do know that his death as a martyr made an impression on the early church that propelled him into legend. Additionally, both a Roman catacomb and an ancient church have been found that were dedicated to him. However, it wasn’t until a couple centuries later that Valentine's Day came into being. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius was looking to create a holiday to replace the pagan holiday of Lupercalia celebrated on February 15th. Depending on the specific culture, Lupercalia was set aside to honor Faunus (Pan), Lupercus, and later Juno. All of these pagan deities were associated with love and fertility and the practices that worshippers engaged in during observance of the holiday is what Gelasius was seeking to replace. It only seemed a natural fit to supplant the holiday with an observance of Saint Valentine’s martyrdom given his death's relation to love and marriage. One practice involved a lottery where young men drew the names of women with whom they would then partner for the next year. Gelasius replaced this lottery with the practice of drawing the name of a saint whom they were then supposed to emulate for the year.

It wasn't until the Middle Ages that observance of Valentine's Day became popular and wide-spread. New customs began to be associated with the holiday. One custom was to have young men and women draw a name from a bowl. The person whose name was drawn would then become their Valentine for a week. Traditionally, the one drawing the name would wear a heart on their sleeve with the person's name on it. Another custom was to carve a wooden love spoon and give it as a gift to someone express your feelings for them. In recent times we have seen a change in customs associated with Valentine's Day. As with many other holidays, many of the new observances are largely driven by commercialism and clever advertising. The first commercial Valentine’s Day card was produced in the 1840’s here in the U.S. In our present culture we observe Valentine's Day with a quick visit to the florist's website to have a dozen red roses delivered to our truest love for the low-low price of $39.99 plus $11.99 delivery charge if we pre-order by February 11th.

So how is all of this relevant and what does Valentine's Day mean to us today? Should we observe it or should we boycott it in defiance of the commercialization of yet another holiday? Do we celebrate romance or do we reject the holiday because of its pagan roots? For me the answer is easy. Embrace it. Observe it. Use it as an opportunity to express love and affection to those you care about, especially if God has given you a special someone to share your life with. So what if it has pagan roots. God has given us something better to celebrate so let's do so. If it seems commercialized then develop your own simple and inexpensive traditions and express your love in other ways. One of the Valentine’s Day traditions my wife and I have is to exchange "Love Coupons". You can buy these already made at the store or, even better, make your own by hand. Depending on what you put on the coupon, this can express a great deal of love without blowing the budget.

If I seem a bit overbearing in the expression of my feelings you'll have to grant me an extra measure of grace. You see, as I write this I am just a week away from a big Valentine's Day celebration as I prepare for the Renaissance Valentine's Banquet that Marriage on Purpose puts together each year and I am very excited about it. If you went then, I hope you enjoyed it and caught a glimpse of the true spirit of Valentine's Day. If not, let me tell you a little bit about it. It will be awkward since I am writing about a future event in the past tense but here goes… Each year we put on a Valentine’s Banquet, the primary purpose of which is to celebrate romance and have a great time with our sweetheart. Our goal is to create an atmosphere where couples can reflect on the incredible gifts that God has given them: Each other, oneness, intimacy and lifelong partnership, just to name a few. This year we used a Renaissance setting to add an additional element of romance to the event. We enjoyed a romantic candlelight dinner based on a traditional wedding feast from that era and listened to romantic music. We fellowshipped with other couples and caught a glimpse of the special relationship between them as some of them allowed us to read their Valentine messages. We laughed together during the Trulywed Game Show as couples tried to show us how well they knew each other and a few of us even danced with the one we loved. I believe that times like this are a blessing from God.

It is remarkable that God dedicated an entire book in the Bible, Song of Solomon, to portray for us an intimate relationship between a man and a woman. Its poetic form and beautiful prose make it abundantly clear that God the Creator intended for us to richly enjoy romance and intimacy. Consider a few verses from this book:
Song of Solomon 7:10-12 I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom- there I will give you my love.
There you have it. A beautiful picture of one of the first weekend getaways in recorded history!

I believe that Saint Valentine must have understood these things and valued them very highly. Why else would he be willing to die for it? It is said that you have not truly lived until you have found something worth dying for. If this is so, then Saint Valentine must have truly lived. And I would venture to add that if it is worth dying for then it is certainly worth living for.

I think Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said it well: "The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides and gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire."

Happy Valentine’s Day

Monday, February 5, 2007

Transparent Leadership


Last week I wrote an article on thatI thought I would share here:

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Transparent Leadership
By Greg Prosch


Most of you have probably heard the term "transparent leadership" which has been a buzzphrase in leadership circles for some time now. But what exactly does it mean?


I remember having a conversation with my friend Pat some years ago as he shared with me yet another story about how he had just experienced miraculous victory over something in his life. I noticed that Pat had made a pattern of this. He would only exhibit transparency after he had achieved at least some degree of victory. He was never transparent during his period of weakness when he was struggling. I pointed this out to him and the realization stunned him.


Another friend of mine —let's call him Jim— had a significant moral failure that had been discovered by someone close to him. To his credit, Jim was transparent about his sin. He confessed it to the congregation and even used his failure to help others by starting a ministry to reach out to those with similar issues. However, if Jim had been open about his weakness earlier perhaps he could have addressed the issue and eliminated or reduced the hurt he caused himself and others.


I consider both of these stories to be good examples of transparency but they also point out some common misconceptions about what it means to be transparent. There is more to transparency than admitting past failures or adopting a position of openness when we have been caught with our hand in the cookie jar.


So what is transparent leadership? Here's my working definition: Transparent leadership is a method whereby the leader models the desired behaviors and adopts a position of openness regarding his strengths and weaknesses in achieving them by purposefully drawing attention to his own motives and performance for the edification of others.


If you thought that definition was a mouthful, I agree. Transparent leadership has many facets. One of the key points that I want to highlight is the aspect of purposefulness. This involves intentional self-examination on the part of the leader and regular disclosure to others regarding what is found, both good and bad. This is a difficult challenge and creates a certain tension. I am not proposing that every negative detail of the leader's heart should be exposed continually. Rather, I am suggesting that suitable examples be selected and shared for the purpose of getting off the pedestal and being real with those in your sphere of influence. Sharing about your positive gifts and experiences can also be challenging but is equally important. The developing leaders who seek to model you need to observe and understand what makes you effective. In both cases, strive to maintain a humble spirit when you disclose personal details. Leaders who jump into the spotlight for their own edification can diminish their effectiveness in developing Godly leaders around them.


The Pauline Epistles are packed with examples of transparency from the Apostle Paul. Consider, for example Paul's lengthy discourse on sin in Romans chapters 6-7 and the revelation of his own struggles toward the end of chapter 7. Also, in 1 Tim. 1:12-16 Paul refers to himself as "the worst of sinners" in his instruction to Timothy. I especially like Paul's instruction in 1 Cor. 9 and specifically verse 22b where he says, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some." Does this imply that Paul is wearing a mask rather than being transparent? Not at all. Instead, Paul identifies those aspects of his character that need to be exposed and expressed in order to make his message acceptable to others. I would describe this as results-oriented purposefulness.


Let me share another story, one that more fully demonstrates transparent leadership. I recently completed the Vineyard Leadership Institute (VLI) program where the principles of transparent leadership were taught and we were called to put them into practice. I had the privilege of learning these things firsthand from our Site Coordinator —Pastor Chad Estes— who has since become a friend and mentor to me. As he facilitated the class he lived out the principles of transparent leadership just described. I recall many occasions where, with genuine tears streaming down his face, he humbled himself before us and exposed his weaknesses both past and present. I also remember numerous times where he shared with us his successes and triumphs as if we were family. Chad's leadership was genuine and authentic. Although some of it was no doubt spontaneous, I am sure that most of it was conducted with prayer and forethought. And yet it never felt contrived, rather it was purposeful.


And now this mantle has passed to me. After I graduated from VLI Chad invited me to facilitate the weekly lecture portion of the program. From the outset I verbalized to the students my commitment to model transparent leadership for them as it had been modeled for me. Has it been easy? Yes and no. It is fairly easy for me to talk about my weaknesses but harder to talk about my strengths. But, the most difficult parts to master are the self examination necessary to be transparent and listening to the Holy Spirit regarding what to reveal and how.


Here's an illustration from my own life since an article on transparent leadership practically demands one: As I write this I have just finished a bulletin article for my church. The plan was to write a nice, encouraging article promoting marriage and our marriage ministry's upcoming Valentine's banquet. As I searched my heart for what I should say I kept feeling a gentle prompting to share some recent experiences from my own marriage. To make a long story short, over the past year I had been confronted with some shortcomings of my own with regard to investment in my relationship with my wife. With more than a little trepidation I put these truths in black-and-white for all to see. And, I also shared what I had done to address my shortcomings and the rewards that had followed. To borrow some words from a Casting Crowns song, I allowed my church community to see "The truth behind the person they imagined me to be." I think this will be far more powerful than summarizing the five most relevant points from the latest publication on marriage, don't you? This approach will free other couples to come out from behind their masks and share about their own struggles with the hope that they can receive the support and encouragement they need to thrive in their marriages.


I realize that this perspective on leadership goes against the grain of what is acceptable in many churches and denominations and what many of you have been taught, but my observation is this: Perfection is not a requirement of leadership. Yes, we have a higher standard to follow and should not compromise the essentials but our post-modern culture will reject anything short of authenticity and grows increasingly skeptical of those who hide behind a façade of perfectionism. So, to take poetic license with the famous quote often attributed to St. Augustine: "Lead transparently at all times. If necessary, use words."

Marriage or Masquerade?


This past Sunday I wrote a bulletin article for our church on Marriage since we are in the Valentine's Day season and the Marriage on Purpose ministry that I am involved with needed some promotion for its upcoming Valentine's Banquet. What I actually wrote ended up being more from my heart than I had planned at the outset but that is what I felt God prompting me to do.


Marriage or Masquerade?

With Valentine’s Day coming up and romance in the air I was thinking recently about a dream that I’ve had for many years. A dream to go on a Mediterranean cruise with my wife (Sharon). I pictured us standing at the railing, holding hands and gazing into the sunset as the ship sailed effortlessly along the coast of Southern Italy. I could almost feel the warm ocean breeze on my face as I gazed into her eyes. But what was I really looking for? The cruise? I’d often commented in the past that cruises sounded rather boring. No, it wasn’t that. After thinking about it for a while I realized that what I really wanted was a deeper connection with Sharon. I wanted some time with her. I wanted more romance in our relationship and that is something I can do right here at home.

What about you? Do you want to connect with your spouse on a deeper level? Do you want to rediscover the excitement you felt when you first met? Do you doubt that is possible?

Let me tell you a story about a couple I know. Gary and Sarah had what many would call a happy marriage. Gary had a good job and was active in his church. Sarah was a devoted homemaker who was very committed to ministry in their church. Both of them knew that they hadn’t invested in their relationship like they should but depended on their faith and their commitment to each other to get them by. They promised themselves that they would change things in the future after they got through the current busy season in their lives. But their life seasons came and went just like the ones on the calendar and little changed. They grew ever more distant and barely realized it.

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Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
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Then, in a very short period of time a significant family crisis developed and their lives went into a tailspin. To make matters worse, Gary and Sarah soon realized how weakened their relationship had become from the years of neglect. Instead of responding with mutual support for each other they lashed out and walled themselves off. After twenty years of marriage Gary and Sarah had hit one of their lowest points and were in a place they never thought they’d find themselves. Was their marriage near the end? No, not even close but things were not at all what they should be.

Let’s take a timeout from our story. What happened here? Can you identify with this couple in any aspects of your marriage? How do you handle crises? Studies show that the average family experiences some form of crisis about every six months. Do you allow them to divide you or do you tackle them together and grow stronger in the process? Is there a vibrant, healthy friendship that you can draw on to get you through the hard times? If not, and I suspect this may be the case for many of you, are you willing to do what it takes to get your relationship on track?

So, what did Gary and Sarah do? Well, for starters they cried out to God for help. Gary began reading a marriage devotional book, “Capture Her Heart” by Lysa TerKeurst in his desperate attempt find help and found the answer he was looking for. And then God made something crystal clear. To climb out of this was going to take more than just knowing all the right answers. It was going to take some action that would involve a serious commitment. So, Gary sat down with Sara and verbalized his commitment to her, knowing that this was a very important step. At first Sarah was afraid to believe Gary and it took nearly two months of persistence on Gary’s part before Sarah felt it was genuine and began to respond. What followed was simply amazing. Gary and Sarah experienced friendship, intimacy, and oneness in their marriage like never before.

About now you’re probably wondering what this amazing revelation of Gary’s was. Well, it’s pretty simple really. It was something that Sarah had told to him many times. Gary realized that what was needed was regular, quality time with Sara and that it was going to take some sacrifices to make it happen. He was going to have to be a lot less selfish, sacrifice some of his own pursuits, and give that time to Sarah. There were also some important things that Gary was going to have to give up, even some commitments he had made related to his ministry involvement in his church. It wasn’t easy. For the first time in his life Gary began truly living for Sarah. Was it worth it? You better believe it!

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But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
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And now I need to strip off the shiny veneer and make a confession. The names above were fictitious. The story is really the story of Greg and Sharon over the past year and a half. Was this a difficult admission for me? Yes and no. It is somewhat difficult because of my involvement in marriage ministry to admit that I fell short at the very thing that I am so passionate about. However, I also realize that if perfection is the standard for ministry leaders then we wouldn’t have any. In fact, it is my deep commitment to my own marriage and yours that demands that I be open with you about my shortcomings as well as my successes. On-the-other-hand, this was fairly easy because I have not kept our struggles a secret. We shared these things with our friends, mentors, and ministry partners who prayed for us and supported us as we went through this challenging time. And that is as it should be.

So where do things stand today? Far better than before. I’d like to say that everything is perfect but we still have our mountains and valleys. In fact, our new habit of spending time together has been interrupted quite a bit recently due to several lengthy business trips followed by a catch-up period, the holidays, and our son Brendon’s surgery. But we are getting back on track. We truly experienced marriage on a whole new level and are now committed that we will never settle for less. In fact, we are now on a journey to find out just how many levels exist above our current one. We have caught a glimpse and are bursting at the seams with excitement for what is yet to come. We are truly blessed by God and all of you in our community here at the Vineyard.

Now, let’s take the focus off my marriage because the whole point of this illustration was to inspire you to take a close look at yours. So, let’s go there. Are you satisfied with your relationship? Are you living for your spouse? Are you best friends? Can your relationship survive the storms that are headed your way? Is your marriage all that it can be or are you settling for something far less? Why? Are your own pursuits giving you the joy you really want or are you finding, like me, that they are a very poor substitute for real oneness?

Maybe you’re wondering where you can start. Well, let’s open up the fire hydrant and let the ideas flow: Spend time together, talk, listen go on regular (weekly) date nights, pray together, find hobbies and interests you both enjoy, engage in recreation together, make yourself a student of your spouse, read a book on marriage, read proverbs together in the morning over coffee, watch a love story together and cry on each other’s shoulders. And here’s my personal favorite: Share with each other what a perfect intimate time together would be like on a scale from one to ten and see if you can achieve it (be forewarned that there may be additional levels that you have not yet imagined).

If that last suggestion offended anyone let me ask you this: Would you rather talk about marriage openly (with healthy boundaries) or would you rather hear about another failed relationship that ended in divorce? I would suggest that it is more important than ever in our culture that we discuss the uncomfortable topics. Many couples are missing out on what God created marriage to be. Instead, they settle for far less than what true intimacy has to offer. In a culture where relationships have become disposable it is imperative that we discuss the incredible blessings of true intimacy.

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Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
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If you would like to begin a new journey with your spouse there are a couple events coming up that I would invite you to consider. First, our Marriage on Purpose ministry will have a Valentine’s Banquet on Friday, February 9th. Our them this year is: “An Evening in Paris” and our hope is to bless you with a romantic evening with your spouse amongst friends. There will be food, fellowship, entertainment, dance, and fun for all. You can get all the details from the announcement in this bulletin. Second, there is a Family Life – Weekend to Remember conference coming up March 23rd-25th. We’ve been twice and these conferences are a fantastic way to reconnect with your spouse so. watch the bulletin for upcoming details. Finally, if you are really serious about taking your relationship up a notch you can always feel fee to talk to me for more information about these events or other possibilities.

May God richly bless you and your marriage and I hope you experience a deeply romantic Valentine’s Day!

Getting Focused

I recently began a journey through a personal development program called Focus. I have had several friends go through this over the past couple of years and they have all encouraged me to go. I kept resisting because I was quite bothered by it for a couple of reasons. First, it is highly secretive. No one who has gone through it will tell you anything about it. It's also expensive and requires a significant commitment of time. I just felt that if I was going to spend that kind of money, I wanted to know what I was buying. I also had the impression that my friends were just on some kind of emotional high as if they had gone to some network marketing seminar of church retreat.

Now that I have completed the first 20% or so of what the program offers I realize I should have trusted my friends more. So what convinced me to go? It's simple really. I waited and watched. I wanted to see real changes in their lives that were lasting. And I did.

So, now I find myself on the same journey on which they embarked and I am excited to see what God has for me. Sharon is experiencing this same journey with me and we have already begun to see a positive impact in our relationship.

Excelsior!

Playing Catch-up

I wish that I had kept up with this blog starting back in December when I first set it up. A lot has happened in my life that I wish I had captured. Well, I guess the next best thing is to try and play catch-up. So, I will jot down a few details here and then I'll add some additional entries for other significant stuff that I want to share.

First, my family had a wonderful holiday season. We traveled to the Portland area for Thanksgiving where we stayed with Sharon's youngest sister DeAnne and her family who had recently returned Wilsonville from Chico, California. They are happy to be back and we are happy to have them closer to us. All of Sharon's immediate family was able to come for Thanksgiving and her grandparents, aunt and uncle, and cousins were also there. It was the first time in many years that all of us had been together.

We also made a trip down to the Salem area and spent the day with an old friend of mine from high school - John Troncoso - his wife Mindy and his daughters. It was great to get to get reacquainted. We also got to see John's parents, Jose and Joan. Brendon enjoyed the opportunity so spend time playing guitar with John and even getting some tips. He has a newfound passion for classical guitar now. One of the highlights of the trip was a mini classical guitar concert with Jose and John.

In January my son (Brendon) had a reconstructive jaw surgery to correct issues associated with his cleft palate. The outcome so far has been great. Everything is now aligned and he is ready for his final nose surgery this summer. The recovery for this surgery has been the hardest one yet for him. The worst part was having to have his jaws wired shut for 6 weeks.

Excelsior - The Poem


Here is the poem "Excelsior" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. What does this poem say to you?


The shades of night were falling fast,
As through an Alpine village passed
A youth, who bore, 'mid snow and ice,
A banner with the strange device,
Excelsior!

His brow was sad; his eye beneath,
Flashed like a falchion from its sheath,
And like a silver clarion rung
The accents of that unknown tongue,
Excelsior!

In happy homes he saw the light
Of household fires gleam warm and bright;
Above, the spectral glaciers shone,
And from his lips escaped a groan,
Excelsior!

"Try not the Pass!" the old man said:
"Dark lowers the tempest overhead,
The roaring torrent is deep and wide!
And loud that clarion voice replied,
Excelsior!

"Oh stay," the maiden said, "and rest
Thy weary head upon this breast!"
A tear stood in his bright blue eye,
But still he answered, with a sigh,
Excelsior!

"Beware the pine-tree's withered branch!
Beware the awful avalanche!"
This was the peasant's last Good-night,
A voice replied, far up the height,
Excelsior!

At break of day, as heavenward
The pious monks of Saint Bernard
Uttered the oft-repeated prayer,
A voice cried through the startled air,
Excelsior!

A traveller, by the faithful hound,
Half-buried in the snow was found,
Still grasping in his hand of ice
That banner with the strange device,
Excelsior!

There in the twilight cold and gray,
Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay,
And from the sky, serene and far,
A voice fell, like a falling star,
Excelsior!