The Beginning of Faith is the End of Worry

Yesterday the rumors became a reality at my company and a formal announcement was made that there would be restructuring and also some inevitable layoffs. I went to work this morning wondering if I would have a job or a severance package when I got there. I learned today that I still have a job for now but my department will be affected significantly over the next few weeks and months by layoffs and outsourcing. I don't do well with this kind of stress. I am conservative and risk adverse. Here are some of the things that went through my mind in no certain order:

· How will I pay the bills?
· Will I be able to find a job in Boise or will I be forced to move?
· How will I pay for the school I have committed to sending my son to next year?
· Should I get second mortgage while I can and consolidate the medical bills?
· How will I afford internet access?
· How much do I need to live on?
· Will I lose my house?
· How can I provide for my family?
· What does this mean for my plans to enter the ministry?
· What is God wanting to teach me?
· Where is God?

Amidst all the stress and anxiety I kept trying to remember my identity as a Christian and how I am supposed to behave. It seemed my head and my heart were at war within me. In my mind I kept replaying a quote my wife sent me recently: "The beginning of worry is the end of faith and the beginning of faith is the end of worry." Those kind of quotes just seem so wonderful until you are in the midst of life's struggles. There was another thought that I kept having that was not so hopeful: "The God that I am putting my faith in is the same God that let all but one of the disciples die for their faith." I didn't like the odds.

I want a God made in my image. I want one that I can depend on to fix my problems when they arise. After all, isn't that what gods are for? Oops, I seem to have lost a capital "G" there. Doesn't God want me to be happy and prosperous? Maybe I should memorize all those happy scriptures that line up with my egocentric theology and join the First Church of Prosperity. In fact, this whole mess is God's fault. If I had saved more money instead of tithing I'd be in a much better financial position. Don't I deserve God to rescue me since I've been so good to him?

Did I really think all those things? Well, no, I just threw the one about changing churches in for dramatic effect. I am ashamed to say that I did dwell on all of the others for a bit, however, I am not going to let those attitudes take root in my heart. I know that my God is much bigger than all of that. In fact, it may very well be that God is in the process of answering some of the prayers I have offered up to him. I remember one that I prayed just a few weeks ago that went something like this: "God, I pray that you will conform me to your image - no matter the cost. Make me into the person I need to be in order to take on the responsibilities of ministry. Give me a pastor's heart."

I am faced with a choice. I can become a victim of my circumstances and make everyone around me miserable by covering myself in sackcloth and ashes. Or, I can rise above my circumstances and trust in God to work his perfect will in my life. I can maximize the value of the trial by saying: "God, help me to learn from this and be a better husband, father, friend, and colleague through it. Thank you for loving me enough to throw me into the refiner's fire."

I choose the latter and I ask you to hold me accountable to that. Thanks to Sharon, Chad, Trevor, and A.W. Tozer for your love and your wisdom when I needed it.

Book Review: Practicing Greatness

I've read a lot of books on leadership but rarely have I come across one that delves so deeply to the core of what makes a truly great leader. If you're looking for a book that will help you with the mechanics of organization or time management then look elsewhere. If, instead, you want to understand those aspects of a spiritual leader that make them worthy of following then I heartily recommend Reggie McNeal's book, "Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders".

You can read the reviews on Amazon or other sites but to whet your appetite here are the seven disciplines:

• 
  The discipline of self-awareness—the single most important body of information a leader possesses.


• 
  The discipline of self-management—handling difficult emotions, expectations, temptations, mental vibrancy, and physical well-being.
  


• The discipline of self-development—a life-long commitment to learning and growing and building on one's strengths.
  


• The discipline of mission—enjoying the permissions of maintaining the sense of God's purpose for your life and leadership.
  


• The discipline of decision-making—knowing the elements of good decisions and learning from failure.
  


• The discipline of belonging—the determination to nurture relationships and to live in community with others, including family, followers, mentors, and friends.
  


• The discipline of aloneness—the intentional practice of soul-making solitude and contemplation.
  

I've also read McNeal's book, "A Work of Heart : Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders" which I also found great value in. I'm looking forward to reading more books by this author and other books in the J-B Leadership Network Series.

Software Review: Foldershare

I don't know about you but in this age of technology and complexity when something comes along that simplifies things I get excited. And Foldershare is just such a "something".
I have a couple of computers at home, a laptop, and one at work. In addition, my wife has a computer at home, a laptop, and one at work. Each of us has files that we would like to keep synchronized across all of our own computers and sometimes we like to share them with each other. There are even times when we are at a computer that is not our own and we would like to have access to our files. And that is exactly the problem that Foldershare solves. All you have to do is have your computer connected to the internet. As soon as you update a document it will be updated on your other computers as well (assuming you have configured the folder for Foldershare updating). You can also synchronize your browser's favorites.

Wow! And you get all that for $0 (at least for now).

I've been using this for almost a year and I've never had a single problem. The only limitation I have run into is that there is a limit of 10k files per share. I exceeded that once and had to reorganize.

So, if you want a little something to make life easier then I suggest you download Foldershare and get it installed.

Building a Tower

Quote: "If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time." - Author Unknown

I've been working recently on a Seven Year Plan for my life. It has been a very challenging process. At first I thought it would be easy and that I just needed to put down the significant goal for my life (my Big Dream) and then a few steps that I would need to take to achieve it. However, it has proven to be a lot more involved than that. My goal is big so there are a lot of things I need to do to achieve it. Also, there are a lot of secondary considerations that don't relate directly to the goal but influence my ability to achieve it or the quality of life I will have at the end of the seven years.

So why am I doing this? Well, I met with the senior pastor (Tri Robinson) of my church recently to talk about my Big Dream and he suggested that a Seven Year Plan would be a good start. I didn't know exactly what a plan like this looked like so I did a little research on the internet. I found some good material and cobbled together my own format. My plan includes the following categories:

Spiritual, Personal, Relational, Ministry, Educational, Financial, Health, Vocational, Pleasure

I fretted for a while over the various categories but the list above works for me. Some of them are broken down into sub-categories. For example, the Relational category is broken down into Marriage, Family, and Friends. For now that’s about as deep as I want to go into the mechanics of the plan itself. What I really wanted to talk about is the value that I am getting from the process.

I was reminded of the alleged Harvard study that was conducted over a ten year time period. The findings of the study revealed that only 3% of the individuals in the study regularly committed their goals to writing and pursued them. The study also revealed that the net worth of that 3% exceed the remaining 97% ten years later. I don't know if the story is factual or not but I suspect that the message conveyed is true regardless. Every course I have taken that is designed to increase personal effectiveness has espoused the merits of written goals.
I also remembered the passage in Luke where Jesus talked about planning to build a tower:

Luke 14:25-33 - Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'
"Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

I looked that passage up and read it because I wanted to grasp the broader context. I was taken aback by what I read. Jesus used very strong language here to communicate the cost of discipleship. He gives us two examples of the necessity of planning and they are book ended by reminders of the cost of true discipleship. I must admit that sometimes my enthusiasm for ministry wanes. In fact, at times I am downright afraid of what it will cost me. And then I am reminded that nothing else matters. When this thought makes its way down into my heart I am at peace. If only I could trap it there and make it stay.

The plan helps to stay on course by reminding me where I am headed. I think I will also add some encouraging scriptures and thoughts to it that remind me why I need to stay on course.

Grafted into the Vineyard

Last week Sharon and I attended the Vineyard USA National Conference. I was honored that our church staff invited us to attend. At the same time, I was experiencing a bit of trepidation. You see, I previously had a lot of concerns about the whole Vineyard movement. In fact, when my wife and I moved to Boise eight years ago a Vineyard church was about the last place in the world I wanted to visit in search of a new church family. But my wife’s sister and her family were attending Vineyard Boise and they insisted that we at least give it a try. So we did and we fell in love with Vineyard Boise and Pastor Tri Robinson in short order. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that enamored me so quickly but I figured out later that it was the authenticity and commitment to be true disciples of Jesus.

The reason for our reservations was that we had personally experienced three churches in the Seattle area that had been affected by the “Toronto Blessing” which was conceived in the Vineyard (and subsequently shut down by its leadership). I won’t go into great detail here regarding our experiences but suffice it to say that we were two of many people who were wounded and disillusioned as a result of the unhealthy, imbalanced perspectives and behaviors resulting from it. Several of our friends and acquaintances walked away from the church as a result of these influences and have yet to return to church life to this day.

So, I went to the conference with high expectations of connecting more deeply with our church staff but I suspended judgment and set my expectations low for other aspects of the conference. I didn’t want to be disappointed. I am glad to report, however, that it was a great event. I saw and experienced a few weird things from some of the attendees that made me uncomfortable but the AVC leadership carried themselves in what I considered to be a very healthy and balanced manner. More importantly, I saw in the Vineyard movement the same deep commitment to the core values of the Christian faith and the same authenticity that I had experienced at Vineyard Boise.

I couldn’t be more proud to be a member of the AVC. The conference ended with a message from Bert Waggoner, AVC President, entitled “New Kingdom Horizon” that was the highlight of the conference for me. In this message he specifically addressed and laid to rest all of the concerns that I had. He also demonstrated the heart of God for this world and established a vision for how the Vineyard movement should walk in alignment with God’s purposes in the next 25 years. Rock on!

We all make mistakes, sometimes individually and sometimes corporately. I am proud to be a part of a church movement that can acknowledge its mistakes, learn from them, and move forward in greater maturity and unity.

[The train has left the station and I am on board!]

Musings on Mother's Day

I wrote a bulletin article for my church this Mother's Day that I thought I would share. Some of it is specific to goings on at Vineyard Boise but most of it is relevant to anyone:

I want to talk to you about three things today: Pursuing your dreams, Vineyard Leadership Institute, and Mother’s Day. It’s going to be challenging and fun to combine those three topics. Here we go…

Do you have a dream to serve God and share His love with others? I bet you do. I think God places a dream in all of us. Sometimes we refer to these dreams as a vision for our lives. Although the shapes of our dreams may differ, they are part of our spiritual DNA. Maybe you have followed your dream and are already realizing it. Or perhaps you, like many, have had your dream on a shelf for a long time and haven't been pursuing it - or you've followed after one dream but you now see a bigger one on the horizon.

We'll talk more about dreams later but for now I'd like to tell you a story about an amazing woman named Ann Maria Reeves Jarvis who followed her dreams. That's a really long name so let's just call her Ann for short. Ann was born in 1832 and was the daughter of a Methodist minister. She married the son of a Baptist minister when she was nineteen and gave birth to eleven children. Sadly, only four of them lived to adulthood. I can only imagine how painful those losses were for her. In fact, the deaths of her children motivated her to educate others and address some significant needs in her society. She was deeply troubled by the poor health and sanitation conditions in her community and felt God calling her to do something about it. At the age of twenty-six Ann grabbed hold of her dream and began to follow it.

The realization of Ann's dream was the founding of a community organization that provided health care essentials for the poor, especially children. The organization grew and many chapters were established in other communities. Despite the outbreak of civil war, Ann fought to ensure that her organization did not take sides and that it provided the same level of care to everyone no matter the color of their uniform. When typhoid fever and measles epidemics put her ideals to the test she passed with honors.

Despite her incredible civic efforts and responsibilities, Ann found time to serve in her church. When her church's building program was completed she became the assistant superintendent of the primary department of the church school and devoted twenty-five years serving in that capacity. Ann understood that education was of primary importance. She was considered an excellent teacher as well as a knowledgeable public speaker. One of Ann's surviving daughters, Anna, shared her mother's values for education and also became a teacher.

I'd like to ask you to stop for a moment and think about your dream. Maybe you already know what it is or maybe you need some time to recognize it. Do you have it in mind? Okay, now if that is truly a big dream then you probably realize that it's more than you are capable of taking on by yourself. It's funny how God works isn't it? You're going to have to depend on God and others to make that dream happen. It's also quite possible that you are going to need further training to assist you. The good news is that there are programs designed to meet your needs and they are available to you here at the Vineyard. If you are a young student then VCOM is your best course. However, if you are a working adult with a household and/or career then Vineyard Leadership Institute (VLI) might be exactly what you need to help you reach your full potential. Remember, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.”

VLI is a two-year, part-time, accredited (ACE), college level program (http://www.vli.org/). This excellent program was the dream of Steve Robbins, a Vineyard pastor from Southern California. You do not need to be a church planter or a pastor-in-training in order to qualify for VLI. I know from talking to some of you that this is a common misconception. What you do need is a heart to serve and to lead others. You will also need an abundance of commitment because this journey is going to result in a lot of growth and growth always takes effort. In VLI you will read and be taught through the entire Bible. I’ll bet a lot of you have always wanted to do this. The quality of instruction is excellent. You will have the privilege to learn from the best of the best. During VLI you will have an opportunity to learn who God created you to be. Your gifts and abilities will become much clearer to you as you put them to use and as you engage in real, hands-on ministry leadership in the church. You will also have the opportunity to be mentored personally and in small group settings in various areas of ministry leadership, some prescribed and some of your own personal choosing.

I’m getting excited just writing this and thinking to myself that you may be making a decision to pursue VLI at this very moment. My wife and I pursued a dream—we are VLI graduates. It was an enriching and life changing experience for both of us. I have also had the privilege of facilitating the weekly class for the past couple of years which has allowed me to see others finish the journey and pursue their dreams. I would encourage you to consider whether VLI might be the next step in your discipleship journey.

Here is a verse that harmonizes beautifully with the idea of being equipped to pursue your dream: Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I believe that life is not truly lived until it is lived for a purpose. That was essentially the message of Rick Warren's, "Purpose Driven Life" and why it had such a tremendous impact in our culture. I would invite you to take that concept and turn it into a reality. I hope that this is striking a chord in some of you. What would it be like if you could start living a life of purpose? If you think that VLI might help you do that then I invite you to simply note your interest on the v-mail in this bulletin and we will be in touch with you. You can also attend any of the VLI intensive weekends which are open to anyone. The next one is Team Building and it is a particularly good one. It will be held the evening of Friday, June 1st and finishes Saturday, June 2nd. Watch the bulletin for an announcement.

I like how songs capture ideas in poetic form that communicates with our hearts as well as our minds. Michael W. Smith wrote a song titled “Pursuit of the Dream” that I think has some insightful and passionate lyrics:

Wake up and dream about

The plans you have in store for you

But keep in mind

It's not just what you do

But what you do it for-and who

There are roads to discover

There are stories yet to be told

As you see the big picture

Just beginning to unfold

Now, let me weave Ann’s thread back in. You see, today is Mother’s Day and Ann is known as the Mother of Mother’s Day. Shortly after her death in 1905 her daughter Anne wanted to honor her mother and all mothers so she pursued that dream and a few years later it became a reality. Today we honor mothers across the U.S. and in several other countries because of these two ladies who pursued their dreams. Therefore I would invite you to pursue your God given dreams also. What could possibly be a better Mother’s Day gift than for you to live a life of purpose as you follow your dreams and add to your mother’s legacy?

To all of you mother’s I thank you for the blessing of life and I pray that you are blessed this day. Happy Mother’s Day!

Vineyard Leadership Institute

Christian leadership development is something that I am passionate about. A few years ago I enrolled in a two-year academic program called Vineyard Leadership Institute (VLI). It’s a college level course which has recently received ACE accreditation. My wife had enrolled the previous year and I was inspired by the changes I was seeing in her so I signed up too. Through VLI I experienced a period of significant personal growth in the area of Christian leadership. I learned the importance of transparency and authenticity. My heart also grew for others. Instead of serving mostly out of a sense of obligation and obedience I grew to a point that I began to truly have a heart for others more than I ever had before. For two years I was pulled out of my comfort zone and stretched in ways that I hadn’t expected. The VLI motto pretty much sums it up:

“Act like a leader. Think like a scholar. Love like the Lord.”

Here is a description of the program from the VLI website:

Vineyard Leadership Institute (VLI) was created to integrate hands-on training, ministry experience, spiritual formation, and academic understanding with an uncompromising commitment to excellence in biblical-theological, ministerial and spiritual-formational training.

Perhaps the coolest thing about VLI is the hands-on training. Part of the program includes the execution of a leadership project during most quarters in which you must lead others in a ministry endeavor. Basically, you must actually “do the stuff.” I also learned a lot about the Bible too. I especially valued learning more about the Old Testament, parts of which I just didn’t understand well and had studied very little. I began to understand myself better and also discovered a new passion to engage in spiritual disciplines, especially prayer and devotional study of the Word.

Some of you who read this could enroll in VLI and others live in areas where that would not be feasible. Whatever the case, I would encourage you to consider the importance of lifelong education and spiritual growth as you continue on your discipleship journey.

2 Timothy 2:15 - Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

Words of a Feather Flock Together

I was recently reminded of the power of words as I watched an exchange of words amongst a group of people. One person said and did something and another took offense and responded rather judgmentally. Others quickly joined into the fray and words were exchanged both publicly and in whispers behind closed doors. Camps quickly formed on both sides while others tried to step in and mediate.

The point of contention wasn't even an issue of right or wrong. Both parties had pure motives. Sadly, a conflict arose where none should have existed and others were pulled in to defend the honor of those they loved. I even found myself pulled in at one point as one of the injured parties that I am close to asked for advice.

I must confess that I found myself wanting to take sides and jump in with my sage advice. This time I took time to reflect and think about my actions. I wish I were always so wise. My advice to the person who asked was to wait and give prayerful consideration before responding privately. I can't count the number of times I have reacted in anger when my emotions were going full bore. I have always regretted it afterwards.

Some time ago I came across a wonderful story that often helps me to remember to control my tongue. I share it with you now:

+++

Yiddish folklore offers an insightful tale about gossip or slander. Once a man had said many malicious things about the local rabbi and, overcome by remorse, he begged the rabbi to forgive him. He said: "Rabbi, tell me how I can make amends?"

The rabbi sighed, "Take two pillows, go to the public square and there cut the pillows open. Wave them in the air and let the wind carry off the feathers. Then come back."

The man quickly went home, got two pillows and a knife and hastened to the square where he cut the pillows open, waved them in the air, and let the wind take the feathers, just as he had been asked. He then hastened back to the rabbi’s chambers. "I did just what you said, Rabbi! Am I now forgiven?"

"Good." The rabbi smiled. "Now, to realize how much harm is done by your words, go back to the square and gather all of the feathers."

The man exclaimed, "But that is impossible rabbi! By now they have been scattered far and wide."

To which the rabbi replied, "So it is with your words. I forgive you, of course, but the harm they have caused cannot be completely undone."

Freedom is Just a Perspective Away

I was driving to work this morning listening to the song "Perspectives" by Kutless. I looked at the car I was passing on my right and saw that it was a hearse with a coffin in the back. Just as I was passing it Jon Micah Sumrall was belting out the words, "Why can't you see that freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away."

For me it was a rather serendipitous moment. As I started my drive to work I was thinking about some of the behaviors I was trying to change in my life and praying to God for help to set me free. I was also thinking about the tragic shootings at Virginia Tech yesterday that left so many people dead (33 as I write). My problems seemed to pale in comparison. The announcers on Air1 were also talking about the tragic event at VT and wondering how we would respond to it. Would we react in fear and mistrust and further wall ourselves off or would we realize that there are many other people like Cho Seung-Hui that desperately need someone to reach out to them. I found myself thinking what a frightening undertaking that would be.

When I got to work I discussed the lyrics and the hearse with my colleagues. We talked about freedom being a perspective away and came up with the following thoughts:

Sometimes we are free but chose to make ourselves prisioners.
Sometimes we are prisoners but chose to make ourselves free.

In the first case, perhaps we allow an experience from our distant past to dictate our attitudes and behaviors. In the second case, maybe we truly are a prisoner in some way. Consider a person who is held prisoner by a wheelchair. In spite of their prison, some chose to change their perspective and see themsevles as free. Instead of focusing on all that is wrong in their lives they look beyond their limitations and live life more fully and freely than those who are not so confined.

So let's get back to the coffin even if it does seem a bit morbid. The coffin is a dark and enigmatic symbol of death. It is an icon that reminds us of our mortality. And yet, there is a profound and wonderful message there. The coffin screams, "This life is only temporary!" If we can change our perspective and realize that this is not all there is and let that be a reality that is in the forefront of our thoughts, wouldn't that set us free? Free to live for eternity rather than this mere blink in time?

In John 10:10 Jesus reminds us, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus understood that life would be filled with loss but he wanted those He loved to adopt for themselves an eternal perspective. Earlier in the Gospel of John (8:31b-32) Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Here's my point: Freedom truly is another perspective away. When tragedy crashes into our lives we need to remember the eternal perspective and live from that vantage point.

I certainly don't have this mastered and I invite each of you to keep me accountable to living it. If you see me living from temporal perspective I hope that you will gently remind me that freedom is just a perspective away.

The "Magic" of Disney

Our family is going to Disneyland in June. It's kind of a family reunion thing with my wife's family. I have resisted it the whole time. I had lot's of excuses:

- We don't have the money for it.
- We've been there already.
- I'd rather go somewhere else.
- There are two many of us with children of different ages and it will be chaos to coordinate.
- I don't want to use vacation time on it when there are other more important things.

In short, I've been kind of a jerk about it and as I look at my family legacy that pretty much sums up my conduct so far when it comes to family vacations.

The biggest struggle for me this time around has been the financial issue. It's always been the biggest issue. I am ashamed to admit that I have accumulated quite a bit of debt in the past eight months due primarily to medical bills but also because of some choices to spend money on some missions trips and personal development. We considered all of these things to be important. I wouldn't change any of those decisions if I had the opportunity to. It's our son's last year at home and perhaps one of our final opportunities to speak into his life significantly so we spared no expense and these things have proven to be rich, valuable, and even life changing experiences for our son, our marriage, and our family.

So, to me the Disneyland vacation was something that needed to go on the chopping block. I've shared our financial situation with my friends and family so I feel a bit embarrassed when they learn that we are going to Disneyland and ask how I can afford it. It's an obvious dichotomy. But, to my wife the vacation was essential. We've only taken one real vacation as a family. All the rest have been compromised in some fashion. We've either camped out with friends or done extended weekend type trips. When I look back on the choices I have made, I sorely regret not having invested more in our family. If I could do things over again, I would surely place more importance on family time.

You're probably familiar with the quote: "The family that prays together stays together." There is another one that is akin to it and is similarly wise: "The family that plays together stays together." Sharon read this to me from a marriage book she was reading last night. The book is: "Creating an Intimate Marriage: Rekindle Romance Through Affection, Warmth & Encouragement" by Jim Burns. The chapter was on the importance of play in marriages and family. It struck a chord with me. I acknowledged that play was an area that I have struggled in and failed miserably.

The good news is that I don't have to continue to be that way. I can and do recognize the value and importance of play. I have been purposely focusing on adding more of it to my life over the past couple of months. Last weekend we had a fantastic time playing games in the back yard with some new friends from Focus. We also played some board games as a family on Sunday, something we haven't done in a very long time.

I am now looking forward to our Disney vacation and will give 100% to ensure that our family has the best time possible together. I am also planning to use this time to improve my relationships with my wife's family. They are already good but I want to make them even more meaningful.

I hope that what I have shared here has been of value to you so let me ask you this: "Do you make time for play in your marriage/family?" I hope that you will give that question prayerful consideration and take action as necessary. May God richly bless you and yours.

The Big Dream

In his book, "The Dream Giver", Bruce Wilkinson suggests that we all have a "Big Dream" that was given to us by God (The Dream Giver). If this is true, do you have a Big Dream? What is it? Are you pursuing it?

I'd like to tell you my story about how I was very recently reawakened to my Big Dream (I couldn't resist the clever pun).

Sharon and I were having dinner a few weeks ago with Matt and Robin (some new friends we met at Focus) and Matt and I were engaged in a man-to-man talk over the BBQ as men are wont to do. I told Matt that I was struggling a bit with some dissatisfaction in my career. It wasn't that I dreaded going to work. I still like my job and what I do. I just felt that I wasn't getting real satisfaction from it. I felt that I'd like to do something more valuable with my life than helping to manufacture semiconductors better, faster, and cheaper. At the end of the evening Matt went to his library and brought me his copy of "The Dream Giver" which I read cover-to-cover over the next few days.

As I read the introductory part of the book I instantly and vividly remembered my Big Dream. In fact, I remembered the precise moment that I first verbalized it. It was around 15 years ago and I was riding in the car with my father-in-law on a trip from Seattle to La Grande, OR (my hometown). It was just the two of us. I remember saying these words, "Dad, I honestly don't think that I will find fulfillment in life unless I am working full-time in the ministry." That was my Big Dream. I wanted to be in ministry full-time.

Now, I haven't really ever forgotten that dream. It just hasn't been something that has been in the forefront of my mind that I have been pursuing with purpose. Instead, I had put it on a shelf where it gathered dust. I told myself that I would take it down again when my son's surgeries were done and he was finished with college and established in life. Oh, and I needed to have my 401k balance and short-term savings in order too. In other words, I didn't really give my dream to The Dream Giver and ask him to make it happen. I just put it on a shelf and told myself that I'd probably pursue it again when I was in my fifties.

I had some other personal hurdles as well. First, I didn't feel that my relationship with the Lord was where it needed to be when it came to prayer and devotional Bible study. My other larger hurdle was that I felt lacked a deep compassion for others. I could love the loveable but really struggled to love the unlovable.

I've been thinking and praying about this a lot these past few weeks. I've also shared my Big Dream with my wife and those who are close friends/mentors/pastors in my life. Now I am beginning to wonder. Am I being called? I must confess, I'm not sure I know what a calling is supposed to look like. I do believe one thing though. I believe that part of one's recognition of a calling is a glimmer of that calling expressed in the relationships they have with others around them. As I examine my sphere of influence and ask those close to me for honest feedback, I am increasingly coming to the conclusion that I am being called.

There, I said it. And, wow, does that feel awkward. Everything in me wants to go back and rewrite that last paragraph. It sounds arrogant. A voice inside is telling me that if I publish this I am going to embarrass myself and feel stupid ("Better to remain silent and let others think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.") In fact, this whole message makes me feel undone. Something is screaming that things are simply not done this way and that dreams like this need to be kept secret. I can see the words of Dante emblazoned in my mind's eye: "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" Alright, that is, admittedly, a poor allusion given where those words were written but it conveys that idea that there is no turning back. But, that's okay. Authenticity is far more important to me these days than maintaining my grand self-image.

A few days ago I sat with my wife and son and we discussed the following proverb:
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV): In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

This proverb seems to have a particular relevance for me right now because I am seeing the steps the Lord has determined for me. Am I ready to be called? In some ways "yes" and in other ways "no". There are some financial challenges as well as some areas for personal improvement. One truth that I am holding onto during this time is this: God does not call the equipped so much as he equips the called.

So, there it is. I've published my Big Dream for all to see. I welcome your honest feedback on it and I will also continue to pursue God on the matter. This time I am going to put it in The Dream Giver's hands and let Him decide the timing. I don't know the what, when, where, or how Lord, but I am willing.

Will you pray for me in this? Please pray for God to give me guidance and to give the leadership of my church discernment. Also, will you tell me what you see in me regardless of whether or not it is something that you think I want to hear?

Thank you for your friendship and for being a blessing in my life.

[If you want to understand the significance of the white feather in the caption picture, you'll have to read the book.]

The Jealous Zealot

I was asked a few weeks ago to play the role of a Zealot in our church's upcoming Journey of the Cross production. This is an annual, week long event in which the church and community have an opportunity to experience the events leading up the cross and extending beyond to the resurrection.

So, I began some research to find out what a Zealot was. The word "Zealot" literally means to be "jealous on behalf of God". Originally, a Zealot was a member of a group who ardently opposed the Roman occupation of Israel and advocated the violent overthrow of Roman rule. Today the term is usually used with a somewhat negative connotation to describe someone who is excessively passionate about something.

I have recently learned to look more closely at the events in my life as opportunities from which to learn. As I examine my own life I see areas where I have been overly zealous or "jealous on behalf of God". This is usually followed by a legalistic attitude that leads to me using my influence to force my beliefs on others with the expectation that their behavior will change in some expected fashion. And therein lies the danger. Passion is a good thing but it must be tempered by wisdom and love and directed by the Holy Spirit.

For my role as a Zealot during the Journey of the Cross I have decided to be a man who is torn between his love for God, his people, and all that is holy and his total resentment for the Iron rule of Rome under which he finds himself. Although this Zealot has developed some unhealthy attitudes and beliefs, he is still a compassionate person at his core and has been captivated by the heart of Jesus. And though he chooses to see Jesus from a limiting perspective, he knows that he is the hope for Israel's future.

++++++++++ MONOLOGUE ++++++++++

Hear me Israel. I am Simeon - a Zealot. To be a Zealot is to be jealous on behalf of God! Thus, I am jealous for the hearts of God’s chosen people. I am jealous that you might turn to God and reclaim what you have lost.

My brethren, I tell you the truth. The time has come for Roman tyranny to end. Our God will deliver his people Israel from the yoke of slavery as He did in the days of Moses.

We live as pigs to the Romans while they grow fat on us. I have heard from those who have been to Rome that the rich there feast continually. When the gluttons can eat no more they empty their stomachs in the vomitorium so they can feast again. Yet we labor day and night to provide enough food for our families. Remember this the next time the tax collector demands your tribute.

Israel, we are losing our identity as God’s chosen people. The influence of Greek and Roman culture has pervaded ours and corrupted all that we once considered holy.

But I believe we have hope again. Have you heard that the Rabbi Jesus is here in Jerusalem? Some think he is a prophet of God, others even say that he is the Messiah who has come to restore the throne of David.

Do you remember what is written in the Psalms?

The LORD swore an oath to David,
a sure oath that he will not revoke:
"One of your own descendants
I will place on your throne-
For the LORD has chosen Zion,
he has desired it for his dwelling:
"Here I will make a horn [c] grow for David
and set up a lamp for my anointed one.
I will clothe his enemies with shame,
but the crown on his head will be resplendent."

The prophet Jeremiah prophesied of this day as well. You see now do you not? The Lord has established his throne here in Zion.

I myself went to listen to this Jesus speak and here is what I heard him say:

From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.

Do you not hear what he said!? We must take back God’s Kingdom by force!

If you do not listen to my words, who’s will you listen to? The Pharisees? They do nothing but talk from sunrise to sunset about the law. They endlessly debate what can or cannot be done on the Sabbath and yet they do nothing that brings glory and honor to our God.

Or would you listen to the Sadducees who are nothing but the puppets of Rome? It was they who seduced you into accepting the abominable customs of Rome. Through them you have defiled yourselves.

Or perhaps you think the Essenes to be wise? The Essenes are cowards! They hide out in the desert when they should be here in Jerusalem ready to fight for the throne of our king.

God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, give these people ears to hear and eyes to see.

Listen to me Israel! If this Jesus calls us to stand up and overthrow the Romans we must be ready!

Annual Backpacking Trip

It’s getting to be that time of year again when the first signs of Spring get me thinking about the annual backpacking trip.  This year the tentative plan is to make a trip to the Eagle Cap Wilderness in Oregon for a visit to Bear Lake and surrounding environs.  There are several other lakes nearby that can be visited including: Looking Glass, Culver, and Eagle.  If I'm feeling really energetic I might even summit nearby Needlepoint.

I look forward to this trip all year long, every year. It's a time when I can get together with my family and closest friends and spend time together in some of the most beautiful settings in God's creation. No matter the weather or the fishing, I always have a great time. Heck, we even took the wrong canyon last year and never made it to our destination but all of us still had a good time. We just found somewhere else to go the next day.

It's been around 10 years since I've visited Bear Lake. It's one of those places I think of as home. I'm hoping God will let me put one of my mansions there someday. This will mark my fifth time there. One trip I remember in particular was right after I graduated from college. It's the one where Sharon ran into mama bear and her cubs. If you haven't already heard the story, you should ask her about it .

I think the wilderness calls to be because it's in my nature. It was also part of my nurturing as my dad and my grandfather took me along practically as soon as I could tie my hand-me-down boots. I guess it's one of those John Eldredge "Wild at Heart" things. There is something about hiking around in the wilderness that gets me in touch with my manhood. In fact, we also refer to this as the "Guy Trip". We started out calling it that because we planned trips that most of our wives wouldn't want to go one. Now that we're older and wiser we invite our wives (and daughters) to go along too. Of course we could still do those 10 mile 75lb backpack trips if we wanted to...

It's a busy summer so I am planning early with everyone. I'll post the dates when we have decided on them.

The picture above is a shot of Bear Lake.

Dynamic Marriage

Sharon and I made a trip to Portland over the first weekend in March to take a facilitator training class for a marriage enrichment course called Dynamic Marriage. We just received our certification in the mail yesterday so I thought I would make mention of it in my blog. We'd like to offer this to couples right away but we're very busy with other commitments right now and we want to spend more time with Brendon during his last few months at home. So, we are tentatively offering our first course sometime in the Sept./Oct. timeframe pending approval from our church leadership.

The Dynamic Marriage course is a fantastic program. It's highly interactive and involves a considerable commitment of time but we anticipate that it will be a major blessing for any couple's marriage. It’s an 8’ish week course with a pre-session and 8 classes. Each couple will be expected to devote around 1 hour per day to homework so it is designed for those who are serious about their marriages. The course utilizes a self-directed learning approach with facilitative leadership. One thing I really liked about the course is that it is based on two bestselling marriage books by Dr. Willard Harley that I have found to be some of the best marriage material available. Sharon and I gave a very short 90 minute overview during one of our Marriage on Purpose events a few years ago and received a lot of good feedback from the couples in attendance.

Be sure to let us know if this is something that would interest you. We are really excited about it. We got to go through a sampling of it during our training and even that small amount was very rewarding for us.

Blessings,
Greg

Totally Focused

On Sunday, February 25th I graduated from Focus (see my earlier entry). Though my journey began close to two years ago and will continue on, Sunday marked a transition, a kairos moment. My point-of-view on life has changed significantly.

What did Focus do for me? It has changed the way I see everything. My God, myself, and others. It was a major dose of excelsior. I choose to live life differently now. Much has changed virtually overnight and yet much remains to be done.

And here I will chose not to write a book. Instead, I will simply say, "Watch and see."

The Power of Cursing and Blessing

I came home from work the other day and quickly checked my email as I waited for the supper call. A couple of emails later I came across one that was very discouraging. You know, the kind that causes tears to well up and your heart to drop to your stomach with disappointment. In the overall scheme of things it was relatively minor but it was like a harmonic on a chord that was already vibrating pretty forcefully. I went to the dinner table and immediately took it out on my family. Seeing the look on my face my wife asked, “How was your day at work Honey?” To which I lovingly replied, “It was fine. It was just like any other day at work. I can’t stand being there. I’d rather be doing other things besides what I do for a living. But, as far as work goes, it was fine.” After that we managed our way through the rest of our mealtime being careful not to talk about anything that might set me off.

After dinner I returned to my office and finished reading my email while I left my wife and son to clean up the dishes. Man was I making deposits or what? The first one I opened was on the opposite spectrum from the discouraging one I had read earlier. This one told me that my article on “Transparent Leadership” (see my earlier blog entry) had been selected for publication and that it would be featured on the front page of the website/newsletter on which it was being published. And if that weren’t enough, the announcement was accompanied by words of praise from the Editor regarding my insights. It was… well… you know… the kind of email that causes tears to well up and your heart to swell with pride. I quickly printed the email, pranced out of my office, and handed it to my wife. I was grinning from ear-to-ear. She took it from me cautiously. She was, no doubt, confused by my sudden mood swing which is very abnormal for me.

It was at this point that I heard that little voice inside telling me what jerk I had been. You know… the nearly imperceptible whisper that comes from the Almighty Lord of Heaven and Earth… The one that causes tears to well up and a lump to form in your throat. I realized that once again I had allowed my feelings to define me rather than refine me. I reacted rather than responded.

After I asked my wife’s forgiveness I took some time to re-center and process what had happened or, rather, what I had allowed to happen. I wanted to get some value from examining my responses, both positive and negative. Aside from another poignant illustration as to my need to better control my reactions to my feelings, I also saw the power of cursing and blessing. There is great power in the tongue, the pen, or the digital page. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

So, I will eat its fruit. I will examine the curse and look for any applicable truths. I will acknowledge those truths and change my attitudes and behaviors so that I may conform myself more fully to the image of Christ. I will do likewise with the blessing. I will acknowledge the aspects that are true, recognizing that it is only my conformance to the image of Christ that allowed them to be and gives them value.

Excelsior!

The Meaning of Valentine's Day

Since today is Valentine's Day I thought I would post an article that I wrote a few years back on it.

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Embracing Valentine's Day

Each year at this time many of us celebrate Valentine's Day. But, like many other holidays, the holiday customs we observe today are quite different than the ones observed in the past. And just who was Saint Valentine anyway? Most of us have no idea or a vague notion at best. Therefore, let us take a look into the distant past and see what can be learned about this mysterious Patron Saint of Love.

We do not know when Valentine was born but the historical date of his death is circa 270 A.D. There are varying stories regarding the precise identity of Valentine. One is that he was a Roman priest, another a bishop in the Italian province of Terni. Much of what is "known" about Valentine falls into the category of legend since it cannot be verified historically. In fact, it was for this reason that the Catholic Church removed Valentine from their calendar of approved feasts in 1969.

The most common Valentine story --and the one I like best-- goes something like this: In the latter part of the third century A.D. the Roman Emperor Claudius II was having trouble finding enough young men willing to join his army. The primary reason, he determined, was their desire to remain with their wives or to pursue a wife. Putting his creative genius to work he arrived at a solution which was to ban marriage. Valentine, a priest, was outraged because of the high view he had of marriage and because he greatly enjoyed performing marriage ceremonies. Therefore, he refused to comply with Claudius' edict and was ultimately brought before Claudius for judgment. Legend has it that Claudius tried to get him to recant his faith, which Valentine refused to do, so he had him thrown into jail. Some legends talk about Valentine befriending the jailer's daughter during his imprisonment and writing her a note signed "Love, your Valentine" shortly before his execution on February 14th.

Although we cannot be assured of the specific details surrounding the death of Valentine, we do know that his death as a martyr made an impression on the early church that propelled him into legend. Additionally, both a Roman catacomb and an ancient church have been found that were dedicated to him. However, it wasn’t until a couple centuries later that Valentine's Day came into being. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius was looking to create a holiday to replace the pagan holiday of Lupercalia celebrated on February 15th. Depending on the specific culture, Lupercalia was set aside to honor Faunus (Pan), Lupercus, and later Juno. All of these pagan deities were associated with love and fertility and the practices that worshippers engaged in during observance of the holiday is what Gelasius was seeking to replace. It only seemed a natural fit to supplant the holiday with an observance of Saint Valentine’s martyrdom given his death's relation to love and marriage. One practice involved a lottery where young men drew the names of women with whom they would then partner for the next year. Gelasius replaced this lottery with the practice of drawing the name of a saint whom they were then supposed to emulate for the year.

It wasn't until the Middle Ages that observance of Valentine's Day became popular and wide-spread. New customs began to be associated with the holiday. One custom was to have young men and women draw a name from a bowl. The person whose name was drawn would then become their Valentine for a week. Traditionally, the one drawing the name would wear a heart on their sleeve with the person's name on it. Another custom was to carve a wooden love spoon and give it as a gift to someone express your feelings for them. In recent times we have seen a change in customs associated with Valentine's Day. As with many other holidays, many of the new observances are largely driven by commercialism and clever advertising. The first commercial Valentine’s Day card was produced in the 1840’s here in the U.S. In our present culture we observe Valentine's Day with a quick visit to the florist's website to have a dozen red roses delivered to our truest love for the low-low price of $39.99 plus $11.99 delivery charge if we pre-order by February 11th.

So how is all of this relevant and what does Valentine's Day mean to us today? Should we observe it or should we boycott it in defiance of the commercialization of yet another holiday? Do we celebrate romance or do we reject the holiday because of its pagan roots? For me the answer is easy. Embrace it. Observe it. Use it as an opportunity to express love and affection to those you care about, especially if God has given you a special someone to share your life with. So what if it has pagan roots. God has given us something better to celebrate so let's do so. If it seems commercialized then develop your own simple and inexpensive traditions and express your love in other ways. One of the Valentine’s Day traditions my wife and I have is to exchange "Love Coupons". You can buy these already made at the store or, even better, make your own by hand. Depending on what you put on the coupon, this can express a great deal of love without blowing the budget.

If I seem a bit overbearing in the expression of my feelings you'll have to grant me an extra measure of grace. You see, as I write this I am just a week away from a big Valentine's Day celebration as I prepare for the Renaissance Valentine's Banquet that Marriage on Purpose puts together each year and I am very excited about it. If you went then, I hope you enjoyed it and caught a glimpse of the true spirit of Valentine's Day. If not, let me tell you a little bit about it. It will be awkward since I am writing about a future event in the past tense but here goes… Each year we put on a Valentine’s Banquet, the primary purpose of which is to celebrate romance and have a great time with our sweetheart. Our goal is to create an atmosphere where couples can reflect on the incredible gifts that God has given them: Each other, oneness, intimacy and lifelong partnership, just to name a few. This year we used a Renaissance setting to add an additional element of romance to the event. We enjoyed a romantic candlelight dinner based on a traditional wedding feast from that era and listened to romantic music. We fellowshipped with other couples and caught a glimpse of the special relationship between them as some of them allowed us to read their Valentine messages. We laughed together during the Trulywed Game Show as couples tried to show us how well they knew each other and a few of us even danced with the one we loved. I believe that times like this are a blessing from God.

It is remarkable that God dedicated an entire book in the Bible, Song of Solomon, to portray for us an intimate relationship between a man and a woman. Its poetic form and beautiful prose make it abundantly clear that God the Creator intended for us to richly enjoy romance and intimacy. Consider a few verses from this book:
Song of Solomon 7:10-12 I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom- there I will give you my love.
There you have it. A beautiful picture of one of the first weekend getaways in recorded history!

I believe that Saint Valentine must have understood these things and valued them very highly. Why else would he be willing to die for it? It is said that you have not truly lived until you have found something worth dying for. If this is so, then Saint Valentine must have truly lived. And I would venture to add that if it is worth dying for then it is certainly worth living for.

I think Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said it well: "The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides and gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire."

Happy Valentine’s Day

Transparent Leadership

Last week I wrote an article on thatI thought I would share here:

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Transparent Leadership
By Greg Prosch


Most of you have probably heard the term "transparent leadership" which has been a buzzphrase in leadership circles for some time now. But what exactly does it mean?


I remember having a conversation with my friend Pat some years ago as he shared with me yet another story about how he had just experienced miraculous victory over something in his life. I noticed that Pat had made a pattern of this. He would only exhibit transparency after he had achieved at least some degree of victory. He was never transparent during his period of weakness when he was struggling. I pointed this out to him and the realization stunned him.


Another friend of mine —let's call him Jim— had a significant moral failure that had been discovered by someone close to him. To his credit, Jim was transparent about his sin. He confessed it to the congregation and even used his failure to help others by starting a ministry to reach out to those with similar issues. However, if Jim had been open about his weakness earlier perhaps he could have addressed the issue and eliminated or reduced the hurt he caused himself and others.


I consider both of these stories to be good examples of transparency but they also point out some common misconceptions about what it means to be transparent. There is more to transparency than admitting past failures or adopting a position of openness when we have been caught with our hand in the cookie jar.


So what is transparent leadership? Here's my working definition: Transparent leadership is a method whereby the leader models the desired behaviors and adopts a position of openness regarding his strengths and weaknesses in achieving them by purposefully drawing attention to his own motives and performance for the edification of others.


If you thought that definition was a mouthful, I agree. Transparent leadership has many facets. One of the key points that I want to highlight is the aspect of purposefulness. This involves intentional self-examination on the part of the leader and regular disclosure to others regarding what is found, both good and bad. This is a difficult challenge and creates a certain tension. I am not proposing that every negative detail of the leader's heart should be exposed continually. Rather, I am suggesting that suitable examples be selected and shared for the purpose of getting off the pedestal and being real with those in your sphere of influence. Sharing about your positive gifts and experiences can also be challenging but is equally important. The developing leaders who seek to model you need to observe and understand what makes you effective. In both cases, strive to maintain a humble spirit when you disclose personal details. Leaders who jump into the spotlight for their own edification can diminish their effectiveness in developing Godly leaders around them.


The Pauline Epistles are packed with examples of transparency from the Apostle Paul. Consider, for example Paul's lengthy discourse on sin in Romans chapters 6-7 and the revelation of his own struggles toward the end of chapter 7. Also, in 1 Tim. 1:12-16 Paul refers to himself as "the worst of sinners" in his instruction to Timothy. I especially like Paul's instruction in 1 Cor. 9 and specifically verse 22b where he says, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some." Does this imply that Paul is wearing a mask rather than being transparent? Not at all. Instead, Paul identifies those aspects of his character that need to be exposed and expressed in order to make his message acceptable to others. I would describe this as results-oriented purposefulness.


Let me share another story, one that more fully demonstrates transparent leadership. I recently completed the Vineyard Leadership Institute (VLI) program where the principles of transparent leadership were taught and we were called to put them into practice. I had the privilege of learning these things firsthand from our Site Coordinator —Pastor Chad Estes— who has since become a friend and mentor to me. As he facilitated the class he lived out the principles of transparent leadership just described. I recall many occasions where, with genuine tears streaming down his face, he humbled himself before us and exposed his weaknesses both past and present. I also remember numerous times where he shared with us his successes and triumphs as if we were family. Chad's leadership was genuine and authentic. Although some of it was no doubt spontaneous, I am sure that most of it was conducted with prayer and forethought. And yet it never felt contrived, rather it was purposeful.


And now this mantle has passed to me. After I graduated from VLI Chad invited me to facilitate the weekly lecture portion of the program. From the outset I verbalized to the students my commitment to model transparent leadership for them as it had been modeled for me. Has it been easy? Yes and no. It is fairly easy for me to talk about my weaknesses but harder to talk about my strengths. But, the most difficult parts to master are the self examination necessary to be transparent and listening to the Holy Spirit regarding what to reveal and how.


Here's an illustration from my own life since an article on transparent leadership practically demands one: As I write this I have just finished a bulletin article for my church. The plan was to write a nice, encouraging article promoting marriage and our marriage ministry's upcoming Valentine's banquet. As I searched my heart for what I should say I kept feeling a gentle prompting to share some recent experiences from my own marriage. To make a long story short, over the past year I had been confronted with some shortcomings of my own with regard to investment in my relationship with my wife. With more than a little trepidation I put these truths in black-and-white for all to see. And, I also shared what I had done to address my shortcomings and the rewards that had followed. To borrow some words from a Casting Crowns song, I allowed my church community to see "The truth behind the person they imagined me to be." I think this will be far more powerful than summarizing the five most relevant points from the latest publication on marriage, don't you? This approach will free other couples to come out from behind their masks and share about their own struggles with the hope that they can receive the support and encouragement they need to thrive in their marriages.


I realize that this perspective on leadership goes against the grain of what is acceptable in many churches and denominations and what many of you have been taught, but my observation is this: Perfection is not a requirement of leadership. Yes, we have a higher standard to follow and should not compromise the essentials but our post-modern culture will reject anything short of authenticity and grows increasingly skeptical of those who hide behind a façade of perfectionism. So, to take poetic license with the famous quote often attributed to St. Augustine: "Lead transparently at all times. If necessary, use words."

Marriage or Masquerade?

This past Sunday I wrote a bulletin article for our church on Marriage since we are in the Valentine's Day season and the Marriage on Purpose ministry that I am involved with needed some promotion for its upcoming Valentine's Banquet. What I actually wrote ended up being more from my heart than I had planned at the outset but that is what I felt God prompting me to do.

Marriage or Masquerade?

With Valentine’s Day coming up and romance in the air I was thinking recently about a dream that I’ve had for many years. A dream to go on a Mediterranean cruise with my wife (Sharon). I pictured us standing at the railing, holding hands and gazing into the sunset as the ship sailed effortlessly along the coast of Southern Italy. I could almost feel the warm ocean breeze on my face as I gazed into her eyes. But what was I really looking for? The cruise? I’d often commented in the past that cruises sounded rather boring. No, it wasn’t that. After thinking about it for a while I realized that what I really wanted was a deeper connection with Sharon. I wanted some time with her. I wanted more romance in our relationship and that is something I can do right here at home.

What about you? Do you want to connect with your spouse on a deeper level? Do you want to rediscover the excitement you felt when you first met? Do you doubt that is possible?

Let me tell you a story about a couple I know. Gary and Sarah had what many would call a happy marriage. Gary had a good job and was active in his church. Sarah was a devoted homemaker who was very committed to ministry in their church. Both of them knew that they hadn’t invested in their relationship like they should but depended on their faith and their commitment to each other to get them by. They promised themselves that they would change things in the future after they got through the current busy season in their lives. But their life seasons came and went just like the ones on the calendar and little changed. They grew ever more distant and barely realized it.

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Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
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Then, in a very short period of time a significant family crisis developed and their lives went into a tailspin. To make matters worse, Gary and Sarah soon realized how weakened their relationship had become from the years of neglect. Instead of responding with mutual support for each other they lashed out and walled themselves off. After twenty years of marriage Gary and Sarah had hit one of their lowest points and were in a place they never thought they’d find themselves. Was their marriage near the end? No, not even close but things were not at all what they should be.

Let’s take a timeout from our story. What happened here? Can you identify with this couple in any aspects of your marriage? How do you handle crises? Studies show that the average family experiences some form of crisis about every six months. Do you allow them to divide you or do you tackle them together and grow stronger in the process? Is there a vibrant, healthy friendship that you can draw on to get you through the hard times? If not, and I suspect this may be the case for many of you, are you willing to do what it takes to get your relationship on track?

So, what did Gary and Sarah do? Well, for starters they cried out to God for help. Gary began reading a marriage devotional book, “Capture Her Heart” by Lysa TerKeurst in his desperate attempt find help and found the answer he was looking for. And then God made something crystal clear. To climb out of this was going to take more than just knowing all the right answers. It was going to take some action that would involve a serious commitment. So, Gary sat down with Sara and verbalized his commitment to her, knowing that this was a very important step. At first Sarah was afraid to believe Gary and it took nearly two months of persistence on Gary’s part before Sarah felt it was genuine and began to respond. What followed was simply amazing. Gary and Sarah experienced friendship, intimacy, and oneness in their marriage like never before.

About now you’re probably wondering what this amazing revelation of Gary’s was. Well, it’s pretty simple really. It was something that Sarah had told to him many times. Gary realized that what was needed was regular, quality time with Sara and that it was going to take some sacrifices to make it happen. He was going to have to be a lot less selfish, sacrifice some of his own pursuits, and give that time to Sarah. There were also some important things that Gary was going to have to give up, even some commitments he had made related to his ministry involvement in his church. It wasn’t easy. For the first time in his life Gary began truly living for Sarah. Was it worth it? You better believe it!

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But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
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And now I need to strip off the shiny veneer and make a confession. The names above were fictitious. The story is really the story of Greg and Sharon over the past year and a half. Was this a difficult admission for me? Yes and no. It is somewhat difficult because of my involvement in marriage ministry to admit that I fell short at the very thing that I am so passionate about. However, I also realize that if perfection is the standard for ministry leaders then we wouldn’t have any. In fact, it is my deep commitment to my own marriage and yours that demands that I be open with you about my shortcomings as well as my successes. On-the-other-hand, this was fairly easy because I have not kept our struggles a secret. We shared these things with our friends, mentors, and ministry partners who prayed for us and supported us as we went through this challenging time. And that is as it should be.

So where do things stand today? Far better than before. I’d like to say that everything is perfect but we still have our mountains and valleys. In fact, our new habit of spending time together has been interrupted quite a bit recently due to several lengthy business trips followed by a catch-up period, the holidays, and our son Brendon’s surgery. But we are getting back on track. We truly experienced marriage on a whole new level and are now committed that we will never settle for less. In fact, we are now on a journey to find out just how many levels exist above our current one. We have caught a glimpse and are bursting at the seams with excitement for what is yet to come. We are truly blessed by God and all of you in our community here at the Vineyard.

Now, let’s take the focus off my marriage because the whole point of this illustration was to inspire you to take a close look at yours. So, let’s go there. Are you satisfied with your relationship? Are you living for your spouse? Are you best friends? Can your relationship survive the storms that are headed your way? Is your marriage all that it can be or are you settling for something far less? Why? Are your own pursuits giving you the joy you really want or are you finding, like me, that they are a very poor substitute for real oneness?

Maybe you’re wondering where you can start. Well, let’s open up the fire hydrant and let the ideas flow: Spend time together, talk, listen go on regular (weekly) date nights, pray together, find hobbies and interests you both enjoy, engage in recreation together, make yourself a student of your spouse, read a book on marriage, read proverbs together in the morning over coffee, watch a love story together and cry on each other’s shoulders. And here’s my personal favorite: Share with each other what a perfect intimate time together would be like on a scale from one to ten and see if you can achieve it (be forewarned that there may be additional levels that you have not yet imagined).

If that last suggestion offended anyone let me ask you this: Would you rather talk about marriage openly (with healthy boundaries) or would you rather hear about another failed relationship that ended in divorce? I would suggest that it is more important than ever in our culture that we discuss the uncomfortable topics. Many couples are missing out on what God created marriage to be. Instead, they settle for far less than what true intimacy has to offer. In a culture where relationships have become disposable it is imperative that we discuss the incredible blessings of true intimacy.

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Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
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If you would like to begin a new journey with your spouse there are a couple events coming up that I would invite you to consider. First, our Marriage on Purpose ministry will have a Valentine’s Banquet on Friday, February 9th. Our them this year is: “An Evening in Paris” and our hope is to bless you with a romantic evening with your spouse amongst friends. There will be food, fellowship, entertainment, dance, and fun for all. You can get all the details from the announcement in this bulletin. Second, there is a Family Life – Weekend to Remember conference coming up March 23rd-25th. We’ve been twice and these conferences are a fantastic way to reconnect with your spouse so. watch the bulletin for upcoming details. Finally, if you are really serious about taking your relationship up a notch you can always feel fee to talk to me for more information about these events or other possibilities.

May God richly bless you and your marriage and I hope you experience a deeply romantic Valentine’s Day!

Getting Focused

I recently began a journey through a personal development program called Focus. I have had several friends go through this over the past couple of years and they have all encouraged me to go. I kept resisting because I was quite bothered by it for a couple of reasons. First, it is highly secretive. No one who has gone through it will tell you anything about it. It's also expensive and requires a significant commitment of time. I just felt that if I was going to spend that kind of money, I wanted to know what I was buying. I also had the impression that my friends were just on some kind of emotional high as if they had gone to some network marketing seminar of church retreat.

Now that I have completed the first 20% or so of what the program offers I realize I should have trusted my friends more. So what convinced me to go? It's simple really. I waited and watched. I wanted to see real changes in their lives that were lasting. And I did.

So, now I find myself on the same journey on which they embarked and I am excited to see what God has for me. Sharon is experiencing this same journey with me and we have already begun to see a positive impact in our relationship.

Excelsior!

Playing Catch-up

I wish that I had kept up with this blog starting back in December when I first set it up. A lot has happened in my life that I wish I had captured. Well, I guess the next best thing is to try and play catch-up. So, I will jot down a few details here and then I'll add some additional entries for other significant stuff that I want to share.

First, my family had a wonderful holiday season. We traveled to the Portland area for Thanksgiving where we stayed with Sharon's youngest sister DeAnne and her family who had recently returned Wilsonville from Chico, California. They are happy to be back and we are happy to have them closer to us. All of Sharon's immediate family was able to come for Thanksgiving and her grandparents, aunt and uncle, and cousins were also there. It was the first time in many years that all of us had been together.

We also made a trip down to the Salem area and spent the day with an old friend of mine from high school - John Troncoso - his wife Mindy and his daughters. It was great to get to get reacquainted. We also got to see John's parents, Jose and Joan. Brendon enjoyed the opportunity so spend time playing guitar with John and even getting some tips. He has a newfound passion for classical guitar now. One of the highlights of the trip was a mini classical guitar concert with Jose and John.

In January my son (Brendon) had a reconstructive jaw surgery to correct issues associated with his cleft palate. The outcome so far has been great. Everything is now aligned and he is ready for his final nose surgery this summer. The recovery for this surgery has been the hardest one yet for him. The worst part was having to have his jaws wired shut for 6 weeks.

Excelsior - The Poem

Here is the poem "Excelsior" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. What does this poem say to you?

The shades of night were falling fast,
As through an Alpine village passed
A youth, who bore, 'mid snow and ice,
A banner with the strange device,
Excelsior!

His brow was sad; his eye beneath,
Flashed like a falchion from its sheath,
And like a silver clarion rung
The accents of that unknown tongue,
Excelsior!

In happy homes he saw the light
Of household fires gleam warm and bright;
Above, the spectral glaciers shone,
And from his lips escaped a groan,
Excelsior!

"Try not the Pass!" the old man said:
"Dark lowers the tempest overhead,
The roaring torrent is deep and wide!
And loud that clarion voice replied,
Excelsior!

"Oh stay," the maiden said, "and rest
Thy weary head upon this breast!"
A tear stood in his bright blue eye,
But still he answered, with a sigh,
Excelsior!

"Beware the pine-tree's withered branch!
Beware the awful avalanche!"
This was the peasant's last Good-night,
A voice replied, far up the height,
Excelsior!

At break of day, as heavenward
The pious monks of Saint Bernard
Uttered the oft-repeated prayer,
A voice cried through the startled air,
Excelsior!

A traveller, by the faithful hound,
Half-buried in the snow was found,
Still grasping in his hand of ice
That banner with the strange device,
Excelsior!

There in the twilight cold and gray,
Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay,
And from the sky, serene and far,
A voice fell, like a falling star,
Excelsior!

The First Post

I've been debating the merits of blogging for some time and have decided to just give it a try and see if the real merits match my expectations. It's kind of like that Nike slogan: "Just Do It!"

Why did I chose the title "Excelsior". Well, I figured the blog needed something more than just my name as a title. Also, I want to write about all kinds of interests in this blog and not limit myself to one topic. Like you, I am a multi-faceted person. So, since "excelsior" happens to be my favorite word and it conveys one of the guiding principles of my life, it just seemed fitting.

Excelsior!