Passage to Manhood (Part 2)

In this second (and final) installment on my son's passage to manhood I'd like to talk about the upcoming part of his jouney. In one month Brendon will leave home and set out on his own for the first time. I remember well the day that I left home and all of the trepidation that went along with it. Brendon's situation is quite different from my own, however. My first day out of my childhood home was my honeymoon night, whereas Brendon will be leaving for Olympia, Washington to attend a Christian character development school called Anthem that is run at the Church of Living Water.

Until a few years ago I was totally unfamiliar with the concept of a Christian character development school. The closest approximations I was aware of were Youth With a Mission's (YWAM) programs: Discipleship Training School (DTS) and School of Biblical Studies (SBS) which were, at the time, largely run on autonomous bases. However, one of our associate pastors, my friend Chad Estes, was looking into a program called Master's Commission that he was thinking about running at Vineyard Boise. This was my first exposure to these types of programs which are run onsite at a local church. Anthem was originally a Master's Commission program but later changed its vision and name. Pastor Chad ultimately decided to design his own program, currently called Discipleship in Action (DIA) which is part of the Vineyard College of Mission

Here is how Anthem describes itself:

Anthem at Living Water is a leadership development program designed to empower and instruct young adults who are passionate about following Jesus and pursuing lives of meaning and ministry. Anthem is a full-time, immersion discipleship program where students are plunged into three pools of learning: hands-on training, curricular studies and personal discipleship.

I am elated that Brendon has decided to commit at least a year of his life toward pursuing what God has for him at Anthem. It was not an easy decision for him. There were some significant financial pressures for him as well as the urge to "get his life started" and enroll in college with his friends to begin pursuing his career. Initially, Sharon and I had suggested that he consider going to DIA because Brendon was having trouble deciding whether to pursue his true passion (music) or getting a more sensible degree in business. He thought about it but decided that his desire to get out of Boise for a while outweighed his desire to attend DIA. Later, his cousin Kelsey told him about Anthem and he was much more interested. In the end Brendon decided to go because he became convinced that it was God's will for him, not because he was necessarily sold-out on the idea himself or because he parents were twisting his arm. Well done son!

I am very excited to see what God does in Brendon's life this next year. What an incredible blessing he will have to spend a year in a discipleship community exploring and honing his talents as a guitar player/songwriter and building relationships with like-minded individuals.

We are all especially grateful for Brendon's great-grandparents, Vic and Fern Prosch, and his grandparents, Bob and Becky Prosch, for their financial support which has made it possible for Brendon to go to Anthem. Thank you Lord Jesus for a family who understands the importance of leaving a legacy and is willing to give of themselves and for other friends and family who have invested in Brendon throughout his life.

Passage to Manhood (Part 1)

I've been wanting to write something about my son for several weeks and have been letting various ideas germinate. This past few days a couple of friends of mine wrote about a young man's passage to manhood which brought to mind a similar experience that my son and I shared last year. During our church's men's retreat last fall God put it on my heart to recognize my son's passage to manhood. I believe strongly in the importance of a father formally recognizing his son as a man, so I took some time to sit down and write out my thoughts and obtained permission from the retreat coordinators to spend a few minutes and publicly perform a rite of passage for my son.

Here is what I read to my son in the presence of the men gathered there:

My son, there comes a time in every dad's life when he has to let go of his little boy and embrace him as a man. The passage to manhood is a transition that takes time and does not happen overnight. I do believe, however, that it is important for every young man to know the point at which his father recognizes him as a man.

Brendon, for you this time has come and, therefore, I would like to acknowledge before God and before these men gathered here today that I consider you to be a man. May you always remember that on October, 21st, 2006 at Trinity Pines you passed from childhood to manhood.

I have spent the last twenty years of my life preparing for you and raising you to the Glory of God. Please forgive my many failings when I did not adequately model for you the father heart of God. I would pay nearly any price to go back in time and play games with my little boy one more time. Those moments can never be recaptured, only remembered. My heart's desire now is that we have a deep, lasting, intimate friendship for the remainder of our lives together.

Son, there is no greater aspiration in life than for a man to seek after God and to walk in in His perfect will. My hope for you is that you will do this wholeheartedly for the remainder of your days. I am so proud of you for your love for God and your passion to serve Him in the area of worship ministry.

Brendon, are you ready to receive the mantle of manhood and the responsibilities that come with it?

Then I give you my blessing and charge you to serve God faithfully and to love those He places in your life with all of your heart. My continuing commitment to you is to be your father, friend and mentor for the remainder of my life and to provide for you and your family a legacy that will bless you.

I pass on to you this verse as it was given to me by your Grandfather Davis: Psalm 32:8 - I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Lord, I pray that you will empower these words to take root in our hearts. Give us wisdom that we might seek you first in all that we do and grant us the strength to do it. Bless my son in all that he does for your glory. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Brendon's passage to manhood was greeted with much applause and cheering and we both shed a few tears. I will always remember and cherish that moment when we stood face to face for the first time together as men.

Since the retreat Brendon's journey into manhood has continued. He celebrated his eighteenth birthday, graduated from high school, bought (and repaired) his first car, and made plans for his continuing education. These and other experiences have challenged and molded him this past year into a fine young man of which I am very proud. God has richly blessed me through Brendon.

Soon my son will enter the next chapter of his life and my role will change. I look forward to it with great anticipation. I can't wait to see what God does with his life.

The Hands of the Surgeon

I am sitting in the waiting room of the surgery center of St. Luke’s Medical Center as I write this blog. My son Brendon, is having his sixth and, hopefully, final reconstructive surgery on his cleft lip and palate. The purpose of this surgery is to move and rebuild his nose and, hopefully, to perform some final plastic surgery on his lip if everything else goes well.

Sometimes I ask God why but mostly I thank him that we live in a day and age in which our son can receive the best medical treatment available and that we have the means to provide it for him.

As parents, our hearts have ached many times for the pain that we have watched our son go through. There is the physical pain of the surgeries themselves but there is also the deeper emotional pain experienced by a young boy who has always been very sociable and yet who has had to struggle so hard to be accepted in social circles that find it difficult to look past the exterior differences.

Often I look at Brendon’s cosmetic handicap and wish it were not so and yet I wouldn’t trade it for the world if it was a necessary part of who he is today. Perhaps God, in his infinite wisdom, knew that this circumstance was just what was needed as he was sculpting Brendon into the young man that he is today. After Brendon was admitted to surgery we went across the street to have breakfast with Sharon’s parents and during our conversation I commented that he is one of the finest young men that I know. Yes, he has his imperfections, like all of us, but they are, shall we say, cosmetic.

I am so thankful for the friends and family that have surrounded us with love and support throughout the years. Most notably, I am thankful for Sharon’s parents, Ted and Shelia Davis, who have traveled thousands of miles and sacrificed hundreds of hours of their time to be present with us for every single one of Brendon’s surgeries.

As the surgery is underway I pray: “Lord Jesus, guide the hands of the surgeon that you have prepared for this occasion. Let the outcome be good and let Brendon have a quick recovery with minimal pain and complications. Give him peace during his healing time and draw him closer to you. Thank you Lord for blessing me with such a great son and for blessing us with so many loving friends and family. Amen.”

Thinking of my Dad

My dad entered retirement several weeks ago and moved to Kwajalein (a tropical atoll in the South Pacific - see picture) where he will live for the next two years. His wife, Becky, will work as an RN in the local hospital while she finishes up her working years and jumps on the retirement bandwagon herself. Becky’s son and daughter-in-law live there as well. Visiting them a couple of times in the past few years is what inspired them to be adventurous and move there.

It sounds to me like the perfect way to start one’s retirement. Doing a little fishing, scuba diving, or just basking in the sun with a good book and a cold drink while your wife works... I’m so jealous. But, I’m also overjoyed for him. If anyone deserves such a life, he does.

When I was four years old my mother left my sister and I with her parents and set out to start a new life. In the meantime my dad struggled to pay off the debts she left him with while he establish his new life as a bachelor. He went to work for Boise Cascade in La Grande, Oregon where he worked faithfully for the next 40 years. My sister and I visited my dad regularly and after three years he decided to do something almost unheard of in those days. He went to court and filed for custody of his children. After an unpleasant legal battle, he won, which was not something easily done by a single father back in the early 1970’s.

My dad did what any loving father should do. He set aside his personal goals and ambitions for his own life and sacrificed himself for his children. And yet, to me, it is somewhat remarkable because it is a dedication so rarely exhibited by fathers in our present culture. I often wonder what my life would be like today if my dad had not chosen to do the right thing. My maternal grandparents were good people too and I am sure they would have done their best to take care of be but had I lived with my mother later in life I’m not sure where my moral compass would be pointing today. Dad would agree that he was not a perfect father (neither am I) but he tried to do what was right and instill Christian values in his children. His commitment and financial support continued until I had completed college and I know that if I needed help to this day I would only have to ask.

Today I think of my dad not only as my father but as my very best friend. He left for me a great legacy by showing me what it means to be a dad. These lessons didn’t come by means of lecture so much as they did through actions motivated by love. I remember playing games together as a family or eagerly anticipating the next episode of Mission Impossible on Friday nights. If the budget allowed it, we’d splurge and get a bottle of pop and some ice cream. Then there were all the hunting, fishing, and backpacking trips where I learned courage and self-sufficiency. These times together were priceless and I miss them. This is going to be a long two years…

So here’s to you dad! I thank God for you and I thank you for all that you sacrificed for me. I will endeavor to leave a legacy that builds on the one you have given me as my son continues his journey into manhood. I hope that you will enjoy your retirement and be satisfied that you made a difference in this world with your life which is far from over. I look forward to seeing what you do with the rest of it and can’t wait to see you again!