He's Gone

A moment ago I received a text message at work. It simply read, “He’s gone.”

Our son had left for Anthem, the next step in his life journey. As I read the short message my eyes started to leak again. Partly because I missed him and partly because my heart went out to my wife. I cannot fully understand a mother’s love but I know that things like this parting are much more painful for Brendon’s mother.

I’m trying to remind myself that this is a normal part of life that every parent goes through. Many of them more than once but we will be spared that since Brendon is our one-and-only. I also keep telling myself that this is a good thing because this next nine months is going to be such an incredible time of rich life experiences and growth for Brendon. My last resort is to remember that he will be back next summer when the program is over. Notwithstanding these truths, it is still difficult to grasp that he is gone. Sometimes I wish I could see that giggly little boy again that struggled to sit up without falling over.

Passage to Manhood (Part 1)

I've been wanting to write something about my son for several weeks and have been letting various ideas germinate. This past few days a couple of friends of mine wrote about a young man's passage to manhood which brought to mind a similar experience that my son and I shared last year. During our church's men's retreat last fall God put it on my heart to recognize my son's passage to manhood. I believe strongly in the importance of a father formally recognizing his son as a man, so I took some time to sit down and write out my thoughts and obtained permission from the retreat coordinators to spend a few minutes and publicly perform a rite of passage for my son.

Here is what I read to my son in the presence of the men gathered there:

My son, there comes a time in every dad's life when he has to let go of his little boy and embrace him as a man. The passage to manhood is a transition that takes time and does not happen overnight. I do believe, however, that it is important for every young man to know the point at which his father recognizes him as a man.

Brendon, for you this time has come and, therefore, I would like to acknowledge before God and before these men gathered here today that I consider you to be a man. May you always remember that on October, 21st, 2006 at Trinity Pines you passed from childhood to manhood.

I have spent the last twenty years of my life preparing for you and raising you to the Glory of God. Please forgive my many failings when I did not adequately model for you the father heart of God. I would pay nearly any price to go back in time and play games with my little boy one more time. Those moments can never be recaptured, only remembered. My heart's desire now is that we have a deep, lasting, intimate friendship for the remainder of our lives together.

Son, there is no greater aspiration in life than for a man to seek after God and to walk in in His perfect will. My hope for you is that you will do this wholeheartedly for the remainder of your days. I am so proud of you for your love for God and your passion to serve Him in the area of worship ministry.

Brendon, are you ready to receive the mantle of manhood and the responsibilities that come with it?

Then I give you my blessing and charge you to serve God faithfully and to love those He places in your life with all of your heart. My continuing commitment to you is to be your father, friend and mentor for the remainder of my life and to provide for you and your family a legacy that will bless you.

I pass on to you this verse as it was given to me by your Grandfather Davis: Psalm 32:8 - I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Lord, I pray that you will empower these words to take root in our hearts. Give us wisdom that we might seek you first in all that we do and grant us the strength to do it. Bless my son in all that he does for your glory. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Brendon's passage to manhood was greeted with much applause and cheering and we both shed a few tears. I will always remember and cherish that moment when we stood face to face for the first time together as men.

Since the retreat Brendon's journey into manhood has continued. He celebrated his eighteenth birthday, graduated from high school, bought (and repaired) his first car, and made plans for his continuing education. These and other experiences have challenged and molded him this past year into a fine young man of which I am very proud. God has richly blessed me through Brendon.

Soon my son will enter the next chapter of his life and my role will change. I look forward to it with great anticipation. I can't wait to see what God does with his life.

Thinking of my Dad

My dad entered retirement several weeks ago and moved to Kwajalein (a tropical atoll in the South Pacific - see picture) where he will live for the next two years. His wife, Becky, will work as an RN in the local hospital while she finishes up her working years and jumps on the retirement bandwagon herself. Becky’s son and daughter-in-law live there as well. Visiting them a couple of times in the past few years is what inspired them to be adventurous and move there.

It sounds to me like the perfect way to start one’s retirement. Doing a little fishing, scuba diving, or just basking in the sun with a good book and a cold drink while your wife works... I’m so jealous. But, I’m also overjoyed for him. If anyone deserves such a life, he does.

When I was four years old my mother left my sister and I with her parents and set out to start a new life. In the meantime my dad struggled to pay off the debts she left him with while he establish his new life as a bachelor. He went to work for Boise Cascade in La Grande, Oregon where he worked faithfully for the next 40 years. My sister and I visited my dad regularly and after three years he decided to do something almost unheard of in those days. He went to court and filed for custody of his children. After an unpleasant legal battle, he won, which was not something easily done by a single father back in the early 1970’s.

My dad did what any loving father should do. He set aside his personal goals and ambitions for his own life and sacrificed himself for his children. And yet, to me, it is somewhat remarkable because it is a dedication so rarely exhibited by fathers in our present culture. I often wonder what my life would be like today if my dad had not chosen to do the right thing. My maternal grandparents were good people too and I am sure they would have done their best to take care of be but had I lived with my mother later in life I’m not sure where my moral compass would be pointing today. Dad would agree that he was not a perfect father (neither am I) but he tried to do what was right and instill Christian values in his children. His commitment and financial support continued until I had completed college and I know that if I needed help to this day I would only have to ask.

Today I think of my dad not only as my father but as my very best friend. He left for me a great legacy by showing me what it means to be a dad. These lessons didn’t come by means of lecture so much as they did through actions motivated by love. I remember playing games together as a family or eagerly anticipating the next episode of Mission Impossible on Friday nights. If the budget allowed it, we’d splurge and get a bottle of pop and some ice cream. Then there were all the hunting, fishing, and backpacking trips where I learned courage and self-sufficiency. These times together were priceless and I miss them. This is going to be a long two years…

So here’s to you dad! I thank God for you and I thank you for all that you sacrificed for me. I will endeavor to leave a legacy that builds on the one you have given me as my son continues his journey into manhood. I hope that you will enjoy your retirement and be satisfied that you made a difference in this world with your life which is far from over. I look forward to seeing what you do with the rest of it and can’t wait to see you again!