Movie Review: Fireproof

Last night my wife and I had the privilege of attending the first public screening of the upcoming move Fireproof. The movie is scheduled for release in theatres September 26, 2008. When we received the invitation I though to myself, "Oh great… Another one of those low budget Christian films that's poorly scripted and acted." After watching the film last night I am pleased to say that I couldn't have been more wrong. I went because the focus of the movie is directed at strengthening marriages and that's my cup-of-tea. I figured I could probably get some value out of it or at least be able to say that I went. Instead, the movie deeply tugged at my heart strings and spoke to me about my own marriage. I was also introduced to something that will undoubtedly become a very powerful tool for ministering to marriages when it is released in the fall. It's the best marriage related video I have ever seen.

I was impressed by how well they portrayed everyday struggles and temptations instead of going out on a limb with plot elements that weren't relevant to the everyday person. It was easy to relate to the characters, to feel their hope and dissapointment. At the same time, they added larger-than-life aspects that created suspense and made for a very entertaining movie experience.

Fireproof stars Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea. It was produced by Sherwood Pictures who also brought us Facing the Giants and Flywheel. A website named fireproofmyparriage has also been setup to provide additional resources for couples. A study guide will be released in the spring of 2009.

Here is a brief synopsis from the Fireproof website:

At work, inside burning buildings, Capt. Caleb Holt lives by the old firefighter's adage: Never leave your partner behind. At home, in the cooling embers of his marriage, he lives by his own rules.

Growing up, Catherine Holt always dreamed of marrying a loving, brave firefighter...just like her daddy. Now, after seven years of marriage, Catherine wonders when she stopped being "good enough" for her husband.

Regular arguments over jobs, finances, housework, and outside interests have readied them both to move on to something with more sparks.

As the couple prepares to enter divorce proceedings, Caleb's father challenges his son to commit to a 40-day experiment: "The Love Dare." Wondering if it's even worth the effort, Caleb agrees-for his father's sake more than for his marriage. When Caleb discovers the book's daily challenges are tied into his parents' new found faith, his already limited interest is further dampened.

While trying to stay true to his promise, Caleb becomes frustrated time and again. He finally asks his father, "How am I supposed to show love to somebody who constantly rejects me?"

When his father explains that this is the love Christ shows to us, Caleb makes a life-changing commitment to love God. And with God's help he begins to understand what it means to truly love his wife.

But is it too late to fireproof his marriage? His job is to rescue others. Now Caleb Holt is ready to face his toughest job ever ... rescuing his wife's heart.


If you are married, thinking about getting married, or know someone who is married then I would highly recommend this film. If you don't fall into any of those categories please knock on the coffin lid so we can let you out. Bad jokes aside, please do put it on your calendar. You'll be glad you did. Just be sure to take a box of tissues… Or two.

Back to Basics - The Starbucks Church

I was very intrigued by an event that happened yesterday across our nation. At around 6:00 pm local time every Starbucks store in the U.S. was closed for approximately three hours so an estimated 135,000 employees could attend a back-to-basics training session. Their training consisted of watching a video message from Howard Shultz, their Chief Executive Barista, and being reminded of the simple yet important mechanics of brewing the perfect cup. They were also given a pep-talk and reminded of the importance of the customer experience.

I wouldn't consider myself a coffee connoisseur by any means and yet I would agree that Starbucks does deliver a consistently good 16-ounce-double-shot-mocha-hold-the-whip. I have a couple of friends who feel closer to God in a Starbucks than just about anywhere else. In fact, I meet with one of those friends at a local Starbucks every week. We used to meet at a Moxie Java that was walking distance for him but when a Starbucks opened up just down the street he insisted that we meet there instead even though it meant a good 5 minutes of additional drive time for us. The things we do for our friends...

I visited a Starbucks today because my wallet was too fat. Not with money, unfortunately, but rather with several plastic gift cards I'm still carrying from the holidays. I still had $1.35 on a Starbucks card that I needed to get rid of so I could thin down my wallet and avoid a trip to the chiropractor. My drink was perfect and my customer experience was good too. The barista greeted me with a smile and got my drink order started while I waited for the cashista to come to the register. I wanted to talk with him a bit about the training from the night before but, ironically, he was a little to busy to chat with the customers so I just got a few quick responses.

Part of the campaign was a new motto: "Your drink should be perfect, every time. If not, let us know and we'll make it right." I appreciate consistency and quality but in reality I'd put up with a lesser quality drink for a better overall customer experience. I'm sure that Howie reads my blog regularly so here are my suggestions for improvement:

• Turn down the freakin' music. When I go to Starbucks it's usually so I can visit with a friend. It would be really cool if I could actually hear them talk.
• Remove those torture devices you have around the tables and replace them with some comfortable chairs.
• Introduce America to Teh Tarik (pulled tea). You make a good Chai but if you added Teh Tarik to the menu... Dang!
  

I think closing the stores for this training was a bold move. I liked it and it made me wonder what it would be like if we did something similar in church. It seems that so many churches these days are compromising the basics in order to run their churches like a corporation. I understand the pressures that drive a church, especially larger ones, to be run more like a business. However, we can never afford to trade relational basics for a rigid corporate structure in a community of believers. Isn't this what Starbucks did? They slowly traded away the things that made them truly great in the first place and their customers began to seek out the smaller coffee houses with the atmosphere that Starbucks used to have before the advent of the automated machines. Before their employees became jaded assembly line workers that never knew the Starbucks that existed before it traded its culture for the bottom line.

Now, I'm not suggesting that we put a big sign on the door on Sunday morning that says, "Church is closed for training, come back next week", but what if we lay leaders and pastors got together for some back-to-basics training? Basics like these from Robert Fulgrum's book entitled "All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten":

• Share everything.


• Play fair.


• Don't hit people.


• Put things back where you found them.


• Clean up your own mess.


• Don't take things that aren't yours.


• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

At first glance that seems like a rather unsophisticated list. It's nothing like what you might find in someone's magnum opus on church leadership with 99 principles guaranteed to propel your staff and congregation into the next wave of post-modern evolution. And yet, I have to laugh when I think about one of the issues that is discussed most frequently amongst the leadership of my church, namely the policies and procedures associated with coffee. Hot topics include:

• Who gets to use the coffee bar and/or equipment?


• When is it appropriate to use the good coffee versus the coffee for the masses?


• Whe gets coffee for free and who has to pay?


• Who's responsibility is it to clean up the coffee decanters?

I've seen all of the principles on the list above violated over the coffee issues with the possible exception of "Don't hit people".

Perhaps I can spiritualize things a bit more. How about these basics from Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount according to Eugene Peterson's "The Message"?

• You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.


• You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.


• You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.


• You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.


• You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.


• You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.


• You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.


• You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

I too have been found guilty of putting policies, procedures, and programs ahead of people and I am thankful for the reminder that I need to put people first. In his book entitled "Revolutionary Leadership" my pastor, Tri Robinson, teaches us that structure should serve the culture and never the other way around. That is a basic principle that Starbucks and I should always remember.

Wishy Washy

Early last year I had the opportunity to receive some feedback from a group of people regarding how they perceived me. Although they did not know me well they had an opportunity to observe my interactions with them and others for short period of time and I had given them my consent to provide this feedback. In short, and without all the gory details, they gave me the label "Wishy Washy".

Wishy Washy? I asked them for more explanation but they seemed inclined to let me spend some time figuring it out on my own. After I thought about it for a bit I came to the conclusion that the label they should have given me would be something like "Chameleon". I liked that label. I supposed that they observed my versatility in action and thought that it demonstrated a weakness in my character. Many people put on a chameleon personae because they want people to like them. I have been guilty of that occasionally but I don't consider it to be a major character issue. No doubt they thought that I had a low self-esteem and put on a mask so that people would like me when the truth of the matter is that I look for common ground between myself and others and engage them in those areas to form a relational bridge. As the Apostle Paul said, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." I came to the conclusion then that what they saw as a limitation was instead a strength from my perspective.

Then a funny little thing happened that I like to call "2007". In the last minutes of "2007", as many of my friends and family were over at our house to celebrate the arrival of the new year, I began my prayer with the following: "Dear Lord, I am thankful that 2007 is over…". I hope God has a sense of humor. Every year has its ups and downs but 2007 was more like the Himalayas and the Mariana Trench.

When I was a kid my grandmother had an ancient washing machine that still had a wringer on the top. After the clothes had been washed you would put them between the rollers on the wringer to squeeze the water out so that they would dry faster on the clothes line. I was fascinated by the immense pressure the wringer applied and how much water the rollers could squeeze out. I remember the first time my grandmother actually let me put some clothes through it. It was a big moment for me because the wringer was always taboo. Grandma insisted that if left to our own devices we kids would get our fingers caught and the wringer would swallow up our whole arm. Grandma had lost most of the fingers on one hand in a printing press accident when she was sixteen so she was always very careful of everyone else's fingers. For someone who was so conscientious of lost appendages, I could never understand why she had a house so full of mechanical devices that would turn you into breakfast sausage if you weren't continually vigilant. There were wringers, mixers, fruit juicers, and metal bladed fans that were, in grandma's words, "wicked". In grandma's world these devices had evil hearts bent on destruction and they plotted and schemed how they could lure small children in with the promise of pleasure so they could then wreak havoc on them. For me, 2007 was a lot like grandma's collection of wicked appliances. I feel like I went through life's wringer and most of the life blood was wrung out of me. A bit of a hyperbole perhaps but it serves as a fair analogy too.

I thought of listing the major events of 2007 in a good vs. bad format but that is not so simple. Some events seemed bad but turned out for the good whereas in other cases it was the reverse. Wisdom would seem to suggest that it is impossible to make such judgments when our perceptions are so limited. I can put together a list entitled "Things That Put Me Through the Wringer in 2007" and leave it at that (somewhat chronological):

- Strained family relationships
- Relational challenges with colleagues
- Medical insurance disputes
- Focus
- Dynamic Marriage training
- Decision to pursue full time ministry
- Stock options become worthless
- Brendon's high school graduation
- Disneyland vacation
- Fears of layoff
- Medical costs
- My father moving overseas
- Brendon leaving home
- Brendon attending Anthem
- Loss of job to outsourcing
- Uncertainty of employment in Boise
- Chemically dependant mother
- Grandmother suffering from Alzheimer's
- Financial stress
- The painful trials of a good friend
- Uncertainty regarding my future at Vineyard Boise

Needless to say, this kind of stress has put a strain on otherwise healthy aspects of my life like my marriage and other close relationships. For the first time in a long time I have had to fight against the raging beast of depression. It's also been a long, steady struggle rather than a series of skirmishes. I wish I could proclaim victory but in truth I am still struggling with it. In truth I now understand the "Wishy Washy" aspect of my character. When trials come and pressures mount I seek to retreat to a place of safety. This is a conditioned response from my childhood. The very convictions that I felt so passionate about before seem to become anchors that pull me down and prevent me from finding the illusory safe haven that my fear would have me seek. Instead of Paul's encouraging words I am continually haunted by those of James" "...he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

Well, there it is… (said in the perfunctory fashion of Emperor Joseph II in the movie Amadeus) So where to go from here? Good question. I know what Wishy Washy would do. He would let go of all the commitments and responsibilities that create stress and retreat to a self absorbed solitude filled with simple pleasures like computer games and fantasy novels. Perhaps he would find a job on the Kwajalein atoll in the tropics where his dad lives and go scuba diving with him. To appease my sense of guilt I could even pore myself into theological study and tell myself I'm preparing for future ministry. A future that will never arrive because when it does I'll just run and hide from it when the going gets tough.

So there's a start. I know what I won't do. And now that I have made it public, I have robbed the temptation of some of its power. That's one of the key advantages I have found to being authentic. So, again, where to go from here? I intend to stay committed to the ministries God has called me to unless something else prevents me. I am personally committed to stay in Boise unless God or circumstances direct me to leave. I haven't heard a specific word from the Lord regarding whether he will make a place for us here or if he is preparing a place for us elsewhere. It may end up that God sends us elsewhere and/or necessity demands it if I can't find employment in Boise. If this is the case I vote for Kwajalein and I promise not to kick against the goads too hard if it is.

I believe that our move to Boise was a God thing. When Sharon first mentioned the idea ten years ago I couldn't fathom leaving behind the relationships we had formed and the great job that I had at the time. Over the following six months things changed for the worse and God provided a place for us in Boise. Had I stayed I would have lost my job within the year. I want to stay in Boise too but even now I see doors closing that I previously thought had been opened for us to step through. I can't go into detail but suffice to say that there have been some disappointments and setbacks that have left us wondering if perhaps God is preparing us to take a fork in the road of our life journey.

Lord, I pray that you would work things out so that we can stay here. You know that in my heart Wishy Washy wants me to throw in the towel and start over but I pray that Sharon and I would walk in the center of your will for our lives. You have given me the freedom to plan the course in my life but reserved for yourself your sovereign right to determine my steps. Allow me to discern your will for us Lord and give me the courage to be obedient to it. I also pray that you would intervene in the lives of our dear friends who are struggling under the weight of such a heavy trial right now. Let us be a source of strength to them and speak only words of life to them. I feel like Jonathan caught between his love for his father Saul and his love for his friend David. Let all involved in these matters clearly hear your voice Lord. In Jesus' name. Amen.

There's my dirty laundry. Filled with metaphors, allusions and even the occasional pun, all laundry related. I know, it's another serious and heavy blog but I did try to throw in some humor to make it more like that dirty shirt that you throw in the dryer for a few minutes with a dryer sheet to freshen it up. I suppose that there is more that could be said but some things are just too personal or involve other people and must be held in confidence. I had lunch with my new friend Jason yesterday (an accomplished writer/editor/publisher) and I admitted to him that I had received feedback that my blog was tipping the scales on the depressing side. He gave me some tips on humor and story telling so I gave it a shot (let me know if it worked buddy). Of course, I also told him that I had learned to sit on things for several days until the emotions had suitably subsided so that I could edit it when I was more rational. I have a feeling if I do that this time that I won't blog this at all so I'll do a quick grammar check and throw it up there. Sorry Jason.

Best Friends = Dynamic Marriage

Sharon and I just finished facilitating a Dynamic Marriage class in our church last Sunday. This Sunday we look forward to an evening of debriefing and celebration as we get together one last time with the other couples for an Italian potluck dinner.

Even though we facilitated the class we also went through it as students ourselves. During the eight class sessions we learned some new things about each other but, more importantly, we spent a lot of time together during our nightly homework sessions. Part of the homework involved implementing the new tools that we learned during the class and as a result we have begun to form some helpful new habits.

Here are some of the most important things I learned during the class:

• 
  Prayer increases intimacy: As we have prayed together each night of the class we began to see each other's hearts more deeply. This is something we had not done frequently or consistently before but we will do so going forward. It has been a very positive factor in our relationship with each other and with the Lord.


• 
  Planning is essential: I have several bad habits (called Love Busters in the course) that I had given up hope of ever changing. However, I believe that I can overcome them if I put a plan in place, work on it regularly, and review my progress with my spouse.


• 
  We can be best friends: I never realized that recreational companionship was so important to my wife. It is included in the list of 10 needs but is one of the 5 needs that are predominantly male. Although she has shared her desire to have more fun in our relationship, the categorization of basic needs provided a framework that helped me understand Sharon's recreational need better. Basically, she needs to spend more time with me doing fun things instead of being serious and discussing issues and ministry related topics.


• 
  Her admiration is important: For myself I realized just how important it was for me to know that my wife admires me. Words of encouragement and affirmation make huge deposits in my "Love Bank" while criticism and cutting remarks make huge withdrawals.
  

We also gained a lot of insight from the other couples as they shared about their experiences as they went through the course.

I've read a lot of books on marriage and attended a lot of seminars but for some reason the very basic and simple principles taught in this class have proven over the years to be the most valuable to me. Additionally, the class provided a great opportunity for me to spend time with my spouse where we engaged in communication and putting into practice the things we learned. I am happy to say that my marriage is better than ever and I am looking forward to the next year with my mate for life (and my best friend): Sharon.

(For more information on the Dynamic Marriage class, see my previous blog entry on the subject)

The Real Iron Men (Mentoring 1 of 2)

[I was privileged to have an article on mentoring published for Immersion Online recently and have permission to put it on my blog - Enjoy]

Of all the relationships I’ve had in my life there are a few that have really stood out above the rest. Notably, those in which I have sat at the feet of another as an attentive learner have proven to be the most valuable, especially in those cases where the things being learned were matters of the heart or character. These individuals are my mentors.

Several years ago I became acutely aware of how poor I was at encouraging others. I had received negative feedback from some individuals that I supervised and there was a common thread in what they said. All of them felt that I was good with constructive criticism but poor at delivering positive feedback or recognition for accomplishments. Later, I had the opportunity to observe someone in a ministry context who was very good at encouraging. I served under his leadership and watched him in action. During this time I noted how much people enjoyed serving him. I said to myself, “I want to be like him.” And so I began meeting with him regularly to provide myself the opportunity to learn from him.

During our sessions together I would ask him for advice on how to handle various relational situations. I’d bring my own ideas and then compare them to his recommendations. Over time I realized the difference in our approaches. I was very task oriented whereas he was very people oriented. Once I understood this, I began to model his behavior because I had come to understand that you cannot lead effectively without balancing both. Since then I have been more generous with praise and encouragement.

What happened between this seasoned pastor and I was the formation of a mentoring relationship. I learned a lot more about myself through our dialogues than just the insight into what limited me from being more encouraging. At first it wasn’t really a formal mentoring relationship, but over the years I learned more about what mentoring was and I recognized our relationship for what it was. At that point I decided to formalize it and asked him to be my mentor. I believe this was an important step because it established a mutually agreed upon parameter for our relationship that gave him more freedom to speak into my life.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Herein is a fundamental Biblical truth. It is interesting to note how deeply this bit of conventional wisdom has permeated our culture. If you run an internet search on “iron sharpens iron” you might be surprised how many organizations have formed around the concept and how much literature has been generated that espouses it.

When it comes to sharpening a blade, there are two basic ways to accomplish this. One way would be to use something abrasive, like a grinding stone, which would remove some of the metal from the blade to create an edge. During this process, care must be taken to ensure that the heat that is created is not too great; otherwise, the blade will lose its temper and will not be able to maintain an edge. Another method is to use a sharpening steel to true the blade. When steel is employed to sharpen the blade none of the metal is removed. Instead, the tiny metallic fibers that have folded over from cutting are pushed back into alignment. When using this metaphor I think of the Holy Spirit as the one who has the ability to create the initial edge through the grinding process. Then, once the blade has a fine edge, the mentors in our lives help keep it true through small adjustments that bring us back into alignment. I believe this is exactly the point of the proverb where one man sharpens another.

So how does one find a suitable mentor? For effective mentoring to occur you should select someone who is above your station in some aspect. You may want to learn a practical skill or, more importantly, you may wish to strengthen a character trait or even refine some of your values. When I say “above your station” I mean someone you can readily acknowledge exhibits a character quality you desire that is superior to your own ability. There is something significant about arriving at this admission. I call it a teachable spirit. Humility is an important factor in the mentoring relationship. Without it you will find that your ego is constantly getting in the way and you will soon discover yourself reacting defensively to the mentor’s honing instead of listening to his or her counsel.

There is another important consideration that you should keep in mind when looking for a mentor. Avoid choosing someone who exhibits a significant moral failure or who has a major flaw in their character. These things tend to pervade all aspects of their life. Their modeling will be flawed and their counsel will undoubtedly become tainted as well. Whenever possible, it is prudent to avoid placing yourself in situations where you have to separate the wheat from the chaff. Inevitably, some chaff always remains in the wheat.

Also, you need to be transparent with your mentor. The more you share about yourself, the better your mentor will be able to guide you. For instance, if you share with your mentor a decision you made and the resulting outcome then go a step further and share the motivations behind the decision and the feelings you experienced as a result of the outcome. Those two bookends provide much more information for your mentor to work with than what is in between. The decision and any analysis behind it provide a measure of your competence but the motivations and feelings reveal your heart and that is what your mentor needs to see to be most effective. Improvements in your competence are good but improvements in your character are of far greater value.

Finally, pray that God would bring wise mentors into your life. Proverbs 11:14 says, “…in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” What a blessing it is to have trusted mentors that can give you their counsel as you face the many challenges that life will throw at you along your journey. Look also for opportunities to be a mentor to others for, “Freely you have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8).

Virtual Friends

It's been challenging to figure out how to summarize my online gaming experiences in a bite size chunk suitable for a blog entry. I've played numerous multiplayer online games over nearly the last decade but favorites were Everquest 1 & 2 so I'll just limit myself to talking about my experiences in those virtual game worlds. In this entry I'd like to focus primarily on some of the relational aspects of my Everquest experience.

My EQ1 adventures began around six years ago when a colleague/friend at work invited me to join his group. About half of the guild he was in was made up of people living here in the Boise area. They met once or twice a month for lunch at a local pizza place and when I started playing I instantly had over a dozen new friends when I joined their community. I really enjoyed the camaraderie we shared as we laughed about past foibles in the Everquest world or planned out our future endeavors together. On a couple of occasions we even got together for dinner and invited our spouses. At one such dinner we even had a couple from the guild who lived in Oklahoma drive all the way up to Boise to meet us. They were an interesting couple. They had met in-game, dated, and then got married (in the real world). This may sound strange but I've known several couples who met online like that and ultimately married. Anyway, I really enjoyed the opportunity to get out of my normal sphere of relationships which tended to be friends that I knew from church and ministry involvement. I felt it was good because it gave me an opportunity to take my light out from under the bushel so-to-speak. Too often we Christians isolate ourselves from contact with people "in the world".

My colleague and I became much better friends after we started gaming together. I think it was Plato who said, "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." I got to know him much better through play than I ever did through work. Unfortunately, he went through a rather painful divorce a short time later. Instead of using gaming to medicate he looked for other more social opportunities and later began dating. We kept the friendship going over the next few years though. Often we'd get in long discussions about the Christian faith. Later in our relationship after he had remarried he even gave me the opportunity to come over to his house and share the basics of the Gospel with him and after that he visited our church. His new wife was also a believer and I think he was just trying to sort things out. Somewhere inside I think he genuinely wanted to believe but just had trouble with certain aspects of the Christian Faith. Later, things changed at work and our relationship drifted apart. I wish it hadn’t and I accept the majority of the blame for it. I'd like to get together with him again. In fact, I just sent him an email to see if he'd like to do just that.

Our guild leader, and personal friend of my aforementioned colleague, worked out at the Micron PC site which was going through tough times. We encouraged him to apply for a job at the parent company since there was an opening in my group. He had great qualifications so I hired him into the group I managed at the time and soon we were all working together. It was a fun season until things became tense as Micron went through its own round of layoffs in 2003 and work conditions deteriorated. Oh well, that's another story.

After I had played EQ1 for a while my son decided that he would like to play the game as well. At the time I had proven myself as a very competent player and was fairly involved in one of the premier guilds on the server. Most of my friends from the Boise guild joined this larger guild so we could play some of the most difficult content the game had to offer that required 50-80+ people to complete. However, my son was having difficulty getting his character up to a high enough level with good enough equipment to accompany us. It was more important for me to game with him so I sold my EQ1 character and we waited a few months for EQ2 to come out. I still remember how excited both of us were to play together from level 1. It was great father and son time. I still think of those first few weeks of EQ2 as some of the most fun we've ever had together.

During our second week playing EQ2 we met a group of people who became some of our best in-game friends over the next few years. After we had played together for a while we formed a guild and added more people to our ranks. We had a lot of great times together. Even so, it's not all roses and sunshine. Sometimes people have differences of opinion that develop into conflicts or maybe they just get on each others nerves. Virtual worlds can be just like the real one in many senses. For example, our guild leader, Cord (his in-game character name), and I had a conflict once. I had a sense of humor that he found somewhat irritating and one day he let me know about it quite emphatically. I logged off and sulked like a kid for a few days before reconnecting with him to work things out. After that, we got along much better. I learned something valuable about being careful with my humor and was a better person for it. Several months later Hurricane Katrina hit the area that Cord lived in. I ended up leading a team from my church down to New Orleans and I offered to bring them over to help Cord with his house. He was very blessed by the offer but informed me that he and his dad were fortunate and that they were able to get the trees off of their houses a few days before I had arrived. We wanted to meet in person but the long drive around the lake and the curfew imposed prevented us from doing so. Cord decided to retire from EQ in order to help his family rebuild their lives in the wake of Katrina. I miss him but I fondly remember the relationship we shared for a time in the world of EQ.

One of the things that people like about virtual worlds is the anonymity that they provide. Many times people with disabilities, unattractive appearances, etc. can socialize in a way that they couldn't in a normal setting. Although this is a sad situation, I think it is good that they can get past those limiting attributes and be accepted for who they are on the inside when they visit a virtual world. Obviously this can be good and bad, especially when taken to extremes. Although some people choose to hide who they are in real life for various reasons, I am always very open about who I am. In our small EQ2 guild I became dubbed as "The Counselor" because I was always willing to talk with people who were struggling in life. I posted a biography about myself on the guild website and in that biography I shared that I was a deeply devoted Christian who was involved in marriage ministry in my church. As a result, people saw me as a person that they could go to for help. I specifically remember two people who came to me for help with their marriages. I was completely candid about my lack of formal credentials but that didn't bother them in the slightest because they had really come to appreciate me for qualities I demonstrated during gameplay. One of them really just wanted someone to talk to who was willing to listen and offer occasional feedback. Another was genuinely seeking help and I steered him in the direction of some materials that I thought would help him address some issues in his marriage. I also suggested that perhaps he needed to spend less time with EQ and more time with his wife. He agreed and I was sorry to see him retire from the game but I was glad to know that he was putting his marriage first.

Those are just a few highlights of my experiences that I hope will provide some insight into how relational online computer games can be. When I game in a virtual world I have a choice. I can hide behind a mask of anonymity or I can open my heart to others. It's no different than the choice I have in the real world.

"Is this a game or is it real?"

In the 1983 movie Wargames a young hacker named David is not sure whether he has merely been caught up in a computer simulation of World War 3 or if he actually triggered the real thing when he hacked into the military's computer system. So he asks the computer, "Is this a game, or is it real?" To which the computer responds, "What's the difference?"

Nearly 25 years later that dialog is even more intriguing when applied to the subject of virtual reality. In 1999 the question was explored in greater detail in the movie The Matrix. That same year there was a much lesser known (but better in my opinion) movie called The Thirteenth Floor that also explored virtual worlds. Finally, there was another event in 1999 that was a significant milestone in the development of virtual worlds, namely a computer game called Everquest.

Everquest is referred to as a massive multi-player on-line role-playing game or MMORPG for short. So what does that mean? Essentially, it is a virtual world similar to the one inhabited by Neo in The Matrix or the one created by Dr. Hannon Fuller in The Thirteenth Floor. However, it is in a more Tolkienesque fantasy setting and the interface is a standard Windows PC since we haven't yet created the sophisticated technology necessary to allow us to "jack in" with our actual consciousness. Although it wasn't the first such virtual world on the scene it did something well that no other game had done before. It gave the user the ability to experience the world from the first-person perspective. So, instead of looking at a little graphic representation of your character on the screen you experienced the virtual world as if you were looking out of your character's eyes. It also offered a persistent world that was inhabited by other players. Everquest quickly exploded into a cultural phenomenon that became a virtual home to millions of people.

If you think I exaggerate then I invite you to consider this: In 2001 a study was done on the monetary exchange within the Everquest virtual world that concluded that if Everquest were a real country its population of two million would be the 77th richest in the world, placing it between Russia and Bulgaria with a higher per capita GDP than China. By 2004 the Everquest virtual world had a total GDP that exceeded that of many smaller countries. Some of the virtual items in the game were selling on eBay in excess of $1,000 and well equipped characters could easily sell for several thousand. The leading MMORPG today, World of Warcraft, boasts nearly 10 million subscribers.

So what is it about Everquest that so fascinated millions of people? In a word: Community. In a stroke of sheer genius the creators of Everquest chose to design a world that practically required cooperation among the players in order to succeed and progress in the game. Although a person could choose to play solo, the most challenging and interesting places could not be visited alone and the best items in the game could not be attained without the assistance of others. Players were gently forced to form relationships with other players who's characters complimented their own. For example, a fighter could do battle against opponents for a short time with his heavy armor and weapons but with the assistance of another player who's character had the ability to heal any wounds he sustained during combat he could take on much tougher opponents and fight much longer. Add to that a whole slew of other character classes with protective wards, invisibility, bolts of lightning, combat enhancements, crowd control, well… you get the idea.

The middle tier of game content required a group of around 3-6 players to operate effectively and the top tier required multiple groups of people. These multi-group organizations were called raid groups and you could have up to 72 players joined together in 12 groups of 6 all working together to cooperatively execute a very complex strategy to overcome a challenge in the game. Since it was not possible to effectively organize that many people ad-hoc, a social system evolved and gaming guilds were born. A guild is an association of players within the virtual world that have a set of common objectives. Within these guilds people would often form lasting friendships with other players and they would look forward to their next opportunity to enter Everquest and hang out with their virtual friends. This is what made Everquest, and other MMORPGs, something more than just a game. Real relationships were developed and maintained within the context of the virtual world and quite often the relationships formed transcended the virtual world and formed in the real world as well.

At this point some of you have probably already climbed up on your mental soapbox and have made one kind of judgment or another about Everquest or virtual reality in general. That's okay. Your just responding to past belief systems and stimulus like a Pavlovian dog (I'm just toying with you here). Don't feel bad. It's natural. We all tend to see things through a certain set of glasses. Let me invite you to try on a different pair.

First, let me come clean and admit what is probably obvious given my familiarity with this subject. I have been known to dabble in the world of Everquest. And, those of you who know me well also know that I have at times spent way too much time there. Can it be addictive and bring imbalance into a person's life? Absolutely. Does that mean that it is evil and must be shunned? In my opinion, no. Now, where were we? Oh yes, new glasses… So, here are some things I submit for you to ponder:

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  If our culture adopts virtual reality as a "normal" part of life how do we as Christians respond? Do we reject it as wrong and encourage the world to do the same or do we embrace it look for ways to use our common ground to bring unity? (1 Cor. 9:1-23)


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  Can the Great Commission be fulfilled in a virtual reality? (Matthew 28:18-20)


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  What can we learn about people, relationships, community and, dare I say it, ourselves in the context of virtual worlds?


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  (This one will really bend your mind) Is this world, in fact, a virtual world from the perspective of the reality of Heaven? (1 Peter 2:11-12, 1 Cor. 13:12)

That's a bit of an introduction for those of you who may not be familiar with virtual worlds. And for those of you who are I hope it got you thinking. I've decided that I would like to add this aspect of my life to my blog and I felt I needed to establish a foundation. In the very near future I will add some more personal experiences and reflections on the subject.

To bring things full circle let me close with this question: If real community and real relationships happen within the context of a virtual gaming world, is it a game or is it real?

Thinking of my Dad

My dad entered retirement several weeks ago and moved to Kwajalein (a tropical atoll in the South Pacific - see picture) where he will live for the next two years. His wife, Becky, will work as an RN in the local hospital while she finishes up her working years and jumps on the retirement bandwagon herself. Becky’s son and daughter-in-law live there as well. Visiting them a couple of times in the past few years is what inspired them to be adventurous and move there.

It sounds to me like the perfect way to start one’s retirement. Doing a little fishing, scuba diving, or just basking in the sun with a good book and a cold drink while your wife works... I’m so jealous. But, I’m also overjoyed for him. If anyone deserves such a life, he does.

When I was four years old my mother left my sister and I with her parents and set out to start a new life. In the meantime my dad struggled to pay off the debts she left him with while he establish his new life as a bachelor. He went to work for Boise Cascade in La Grande, Oregon where he worked faithfully for the next 40 years. My sister and I visited my dad regularly and after three years he decided to do something almost unheard of in those days. He went to court and filed for custody of his children. After an unpleasant legal battle, he won, which was not something easily done by a single father back in the early 1970’s.

My dad did what any loving father should do. He set aside his personal goals and ambitions for his own life and sacrificed himself for his children. And yet, to me, it is somewhat remarkable because it is a dedication so rarely exhibited by fathers in our present culture. I often wonder what my life would be like today if my dad had not chosen to do the right thing. My maternal grandparents were good people too and I am sure they would have done their best to take care of be but had I lived with my mother later in life I’m not sure where my moral compass would be pointing today. Dad would agree that he was not a perfect father (neither am I) but he tried to do what was right and instill Christian values in his children. His commitment and financial support continued until I had completed college and I know that if I needed help to this day I would only have to ask.

Today I think of my dad not only as my father but as my very best friend. He left for me a great legacy by showing me what it means to be a dad. These lessons didn’t come by means of lecture so much as they did through actions motivated by love. I remember playing games together as a family or eagerly anticipating the next episode of Mission Impossible on Friday nights. If the budget allowed it, we’d splurge and get a bottle of pop and some ice cream. Then there were all the hunting, fishing, and backpacking trips where I learned courage and self-sufficiency. These times together were priceless and I miss them. This is going to be a long two years…

So here’s to you dad! I thank God for you and I thank you for all that you sacrificed for me. I will endeavor to leave a legacy that builds on the one you have given me as my son continues his journey into manhood. I hope that you will enjoy your retirement and be satisfied that you made a difference in this world with your life which is far from over. I look forward to seeing what you do with the rest of it and can’t wait to see you again!