Best Friends = Dynamic Marriage

Sharon and I just finished facilitating a Dynamic Marriage class in our church last Sunday. This Sunday we look forward to an evening of debriefing and celebration as we get together one last time with the other couples for an Italian potluck dinner.

Even though we facilitated the class we also went through it as students ourselves. During the eight class sessions we learned some new things about each other but, more importantly, we spent a lot of time together during our nightly homework sessions. Part of the homework involved implementing the new tools that we learned during the class and as a result we have begun to form some helpful new habits.

Here are some of the most important things I learned during the class:

• 
  Prayer increases intimacy: As we have prayed together each night of the class we began to see each other's hearts more deeply. This is something we had not done frequently or consistently before but we will do so going forward. It has been a very positive factor in our relationship with each other and with the Lord.


• 
  Planning is essential: I have several bad habits (called Love Busters in the course) that I had given up hope of ever changing. However, I believe that I can overcome them if I put a plan in place, work on it regularly, and review my progress with my spouse.


• 
  We can be best friends: I never realized that recreational companionship was so important to my wife. It is included in the list of 10 needs but is one of the 5 needs that are predominantly male. Although she has shared her desire to have more fun in our relationship, the categorization of basic needs provided a framework that helped me understand Sharon's recreational need better. Basically, she needs to spend more time with me doing fun things instead of being serious and discussing issues and ministry related topics.


• 
  Her admiration is important: For myself I realized just how important it was for me to know that my wife admires me. Words of encouragement and affirmation make huge deposits in my "Love Bank" while criticism and cutting remarks make huge withdrawals.
  

We also gained a lot of insight from the other couples as they shared about their experiences as they went through the course.

I've read a lot of books on marriage and attended a lot of seminars but for some reason the very basic and simple principles taught in this class have proven over the years to be the most valuable to me. Additionally, the class provided a great opportunity for me to spend time with my spouse where we engaged in communication and putting into practice the things we learned. I am happy to say that my marriage is better than ever and I am looking forward to the next year with my mate for life (and my best friend): Sharon.

(For more information on the Dynamic Marriage class, see my previous blog entry on the subject)

The Real Iron Men (Mentoring 1 of 2)

[I was privileged to have an article on mentoring published for Immersion Online recently and have permission to put it on my blog - Enjoy]

Of all the relationships I’ve had in my life there are a few that have really stood out above the rest. Notably, those in which I have sat at the feet of another as an attentive learner have proven to be the most valuable, especially in those cases where the things being learned were matters of the heart or character. These individuals are my mentors.

Several years ago I became acutely aware of how poor I was at encouraging others. I had received negative feedback from some individuals that I supervised and there was a common thread in what they said. All of them felt that I was good with constructive criticism but poor at delivering positive feedback or recognition for accomplishments. Later, I had the opportunity to observe someone in a ministry context who was very good at encouraging. I served under his leadership and watched him in action. During this time I noted how much people enjoyed serving him. I said to myself, “I want to be like him.” And so I began meeting with him regularly to provide myself the opportunity to learn from him.

During our sessions together I would ask him for advice on how to handle various relational situations. I’d bring my own ideas and then compare them to his recommendations. Over time I realized the difference in our approaches. I was very task oriented whereas he was very people oriented. Once I understood this, I began to model his behavior because I had come to understand that you cannot lead effectively without balancing both. Since then I have been more generous with praise and encouragement.

What happened between this seasoned pastor and I was the formation of a mentoring relationship. I learned a lot more about myself through our dialogues than just the insight into what limited me from being more encouraging. At first it wasn’t really a formal mentoring relationship, but over the years I learned more about what mentoring was and I recognized our relationship for what it was. At that point I decided to formalize it and asked him to be my mentor. I believe this was an important step because it established a mutually agreed upon parameter for our relationship that gave him more freedom to speak into my life.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Herein is a fundamental Biblical truth. It is interesting to note how deeply this bit of conventional wisdom has permeated our culture. If you run an internet search on “iron sharpens iron” you might be surprised how many organizations have formed around the concept and how much literature has been generated that espouses it.

When it comes to sharpening a blade, there are two basic ways to accomplish this. One way would be to use something abrasive, like a grinding stone, which would remove some of the metal from the blade to create an edge. During this process, care must be taken to ensure that the heat that is created is not too great; otherwise, the blade will lose its temper and will not be able to maintain an edge. Another method is to use a sharpening steel to true the blade. When steel is employed to sharpen the blade none of the metal is removed. Instead, the tiny metallic fibers that have folded over from cutting are pushed back into alignment. When using this metaphor I think of the Holy Spirit as the one who has the ability to create the initial edge through the grinding process. Then, once the blade has a fine edge, the mentors in our lives help keep it true through small adjustments that bring us back into alignment. I believe this is exactly the point of the proverb where one man sharpens another.

So how does one find a suitable mentor? For effective mentoring to occur you should select someone who is above your station in some aspect. You may want to learn a practical skill or, more importantly, you may wish to strengthen a character trait or even refine some of your values. When I say “above your station” I mean someone you can readily acknowledge exhibits a character quality you desire that is superior to your own ability. There is something significant about arriving at this admission. I call it a teachable spirit. Humility is an important factor in the mentoring relationship. Without it you will find that your ego is constantly getting in the way and you will soon discover yourself reacting defensively to the mentor’s honing instead of listening to his or her counsel.

There is another important consideration that you should keep in mind when looking for a mentor. Avoid choosing someone who exhibits a significant moral failure or who has a major flaw in their character. These things tend to pervade all aspects of their life. Their modeling will be flawed and their counsel will undoubtedly become tainted as well. Whenever possible, it is prudent to avoid placing yourself in situations where you have to separate the wheat from the chaff. Inevitably, some chaff always remains in the wheat.

Also, you need to be transparent with your mentor. The more you share about yourself, the better your mentor will be able to guide you. For instance, if you share with your mentor a decision you made and the resulting outcome then go a step further and share the motivations behind the decision and the feelings you experienced as a result of the outcome. Those two bookends provide much more information for your mentor to work with than what is in between. The decision and any analysis behind it provide a measure of your competence but the motivations and feelings reveal your heart and that is what your mentor needs to see to be most effective. Improvements in your competence are good but improvements in your character are of far greater value.

Finally, pray that God would bring wise mentors into your life. Proverbs 11:14 says, “…in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” What a blessing it is to have trusted mentors that can give you their counsel as you face the many challenges that life will throw at you along your journey. Look also for opportunities to be a mentor to others for, “Freely you have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8).

Music Review: Classical Guitars Christmas

During high school I had the privilege of becoming best friends with John Troncoso and we are still friends today. Although we don't get to see each other often, we both enjoy the occasions that we do. Last year my family and John's family got together over Thanksgiving weekend. John's parents dropped by to visit for a while as well and we were privileged to receive our own personal, impromptu concert in John's living room.

John and Jose (John's father) have been playing classical guitar together for over 30 years. They had recently completed a recording project called, you guessed it, "Classical Guitars Christmas". I love Christmas music and I have a pile of such CD's at home. However, I find myself listening to just a couple of them repeatedly and relegate the others to a dusty pile in the back of the cabinet. Last year, I put this one on the top of my short preferred list. Yes, it's even pushed the original, and highly vaunted, Mannheim Steamroller Christmas down a position. In fact, we bought about a dozen of them and gave them always as Christmas gifts to our friends and family last year. I realize that it is expected that I should give high praise to help promote my friend's CD but, seriously, it's really that good.

If you happen to be looking for something new to spice up your Christmas music selection then I'd encourage you to consider getting a copy for yourself if you didn't already get one from us. The title here (Classical Guitars Christmas) is a clickable link to their web site where you can learn more about the CD and even order a copy if you like. Since John and Jose are incredibly accomplished guitarists and have been playing together for so long, they offer a very distinctive musical quality. The CD was also recorded with John in the left channel and Jose in the right so that when it is played it would simulate the sound you would hear if they were sitting in your living room giving you a private concert.

Aside from having a personal relationship with John and Jose and the quality of the music, the thing I most appreciate about this CD is knowing that the two people behind it are committed Christians. I love listening to my Mannheim Steamroller CD at Christmas but for me it adds so much more to know the heart of the artists behind the music. Because Christmas is all about Christ it adds so much more to the music to know that the artist truly engages the music at all levels: Body, mind, and spirit.

Donfaer's Adventures in Everquest

[This is the third and final installment on my online gaming interest. I realize it's been a long series but I have thought about it for some time and wanted to share this part of my life with everyone since it is my favorite pastime. Hopefully, you will enjoy the telling of the tale. Someone commented recently that my blog is too serious and could use some lightheartedness. Hopefully, this will be just that.]

Hail and well met. My name is Donfaer (see my picture to the left) and I am a guardian of the 70th level. To put things in perspective, that was the highest rank achievable until just recently. The world I come from is called Norrath and racially I am half-elven. If you have any jokes you'd like to tell me about half-breeds I'll laugh with you right up to the moment you become a new scabbard for my sword and we both stop laughing. I trust you get the point?

Now, where was I… Oh yes, Norrath. Mine is a world filled with wonder, adventure, and danger. Here there be elves and dwarves, trolls and ogres, gnomes and halflings, and many other sentient races. Norrath is also a magical world where the physical laws can be molded and shaped by the will of the caster through his knowledge of the arcane. Someone once told me of a sage from your world named Tolkien. Well, if you are familiar with his writings then you should have a fair picture of the world of Norrath. Ours is a land where the battle between good and evil is constantly waged and a few good and courageous souls rise up to stand in the gap.

Through the power of the amazing mystical device you call a kompewter, some of the us in my world are able to become avatars of the people from yours and allow them to experience our realm. In fact, I am the avatar of one named Greg from your world. He has told me that he is a master of the mystical kompewter and has regaled me with tales of his exploits using said device. Most of the time his explanations make as much sense to me as a Gigglegibber Goblin. Furthermore, I think maybe he embellishes things a bit. Perhaps someday we'll find a way to enter your world and see things truly for ourselves.

I digress so let's get back to the subject at hand. Avatars… I still remember the first time I found myself an avatar of Greg. Oh yes, it was quite a mess indeed. The poor sod hardly knew which end of the sword was which. He very nearly got me killed quite a few times. And a few other times he even managed to accomplish the deed. Fortunately, in Norrath death is a little less permanent than I understand it is in your world and our good cleric was able to resuscitate me after the rest of the group rallied together and took down our the foe. Yes indeed, those clerics sure come in handy at times. I suppose you probably need a bit of an explanation here though. You see, when you go off on adventure here in Norrath you want to make sure you are part of a group of people that have complimentary skills. As a guardian, I am a member of the warrior class. My job is to make sure that the opponents we challenge keep their attention on me because I am exceedingly strong and well trained in hand-to-hand combat. I can wear the heaviest of armor and learn the skills necessary to guard those who accompany me and keep them from harm. However, I know nothing about healing magics and couldn't call a fireball out of the ether to light a campfire, let alone send one hurtling at a foe. We refer to those folks squishies and they affectionately call us tanks. Some classes deal out major damage through magics or offensive combat while others can mesmerize foes with illusions or bring other creatures in to battle. There's a bit of rivalry between us all at times but I think that both sides understand that we couldn't work well without each other. I understand there was another sage from your world called the Apostle Paul who talked about people being different parts of the body and such. It's an intriguing concept and it serves as an adequate analogy methinks.

Greg told me during our first encounter that he usually had one of the wizard or healer classes as an avatar in his prior experiences. It still boggles my mind to know that he had a cleric avatar from 500 years in my past in the world of Norrath. I understand that you refer to these two time periods as Everquest 1 and Everquest 2. You certainly are peculiar people. Anyway, it seems that Greg wanted to get out of his comfort zone and take charge more. So he decided to select an avatar from the warrior class and assume a leadership role. Since tanks are the ones who coordinate the flow of battle it is generally they who serve as the group leader. Well, Greg came to the right place when he selected me. I can definitely say that he has learned quite a bit about leadership as a guardian.

There's nothing quite as satisfying as being what we call a "raid tank" during a large offensive. Having 20+ people count on you to keep the opponent focused solely on yourself is quite a rush. During every moment you are aware that if you lose control it's likely all over. For every second that you don't maintain control your friends will drop like snowflakes in a fireball and if you don't get it back quickly it ends in what we call a wipe and it's time to bring out the clerics. Of course when a wipe occurs the blame does not always fall on the guardian. Everyone has a part to play and it is imperative that they play it right. Some of the other classes can dish out quite a bit of damage, you see, and that can really get the attention of a foe. We guardians do our best to poke here and jab there with both weapons and insults but if a wizard or a swashbuckler decides to let loose a bit too dramatically, even the best guardian is going to lose control of the situation. It's also imperative that the healers continually flood us with protective wards and healing magics during combat. Just the other day a whole group wiped because the healer's user decided to go make something called "microwave popcorn". Now I don't have a clue what that is but let me just say that when your tank is standing toe-to-toe with a fire breathing dragon and the damage ward doesn't get refreshed it's a rather illuminating experience.

I suppose that for some of you this sounds a bit whacky. In fact, Greg confided in me that he was a little hesitant to even share this part of his life for concern of what some of you might think or judgments you might make. Believe me, some of the things that I have heard about your world sound equally strange. For example, I just don't get the fascination you all have with games involving putting small spheres of various shapes and sizes into small goals of various shapes and sizes. I don't think Greg really understands it either since he has trouble explaining it to me. Apparently, it is considered quite honorable to be something called an armchair athlete in your world but the thing you call virtual reality is disparaged and looked down upon by a large portion of your society. And yet I hear that many of you sit and watch small boxes filled with avatars of other people pretending to be someone else for your amusement and that this too is socially acceptable recreation. How strange. Anyway, Greg thought that you might find it more interesting and insightful to hear things from my perspective.

One thing we both understand is that Greg needs to be careful about how much time he spends here in Norrath. Although this world is very real to me I can see how his spending time here could prevent him from being a brave warrior fighting darkness in his own world. Oddly enough, he tells me that sometimes my world can serve as a battleground for good in his world. Now that makes my head spin so I'm not going to go any farther down that road. Besides, he indicated that he has already explained all of that to you.

I'd like to chat more but Greg says his break time is over and he needs to work more on the kompewter. And, I must confess, I find your world rather tedious and there are goblins to fight and treasure to loot here in Norrath, so let me bring this all to a close with some final comments. In the past, there have been times when Greg has spent a bit too much time running around in Norrath and caused his relationships in your world to suffer. Even though there are some wonderful people here, Greg realizes that there are much more important things to do and people for him to fellowship with in the "real" world, most notably his lovely wife [By the way, I've met her and she is one beautiful lady] . Now, that being said, it is also true that Greg finds great recreation, fellowship and value in Everquest. The crux of the issue then is one of balance. Greg is committed to finding that balance and would appreciate your help in that regard. And, of course, you are also welcome to have a rousing good time with Greg and myself here in Norrath. It would be an honor to meet some of you in person someday should there be an adventurous spirit hiding inside of you. The land of Kunark, lost since the cataclysm, has been rediscovered here in Norrath and there is much to explore and learn. So until we meet: Excelsior!

Virtual Friends

It's been challenging to figure out how to summarize my online gaming experiences in a bite size chunk suitable for a blog entry. I've played numerous multiplayer online games over nearly the last decade but favorites were Everquest 1 & 2 so I'll just limit myself to talking about my experiences in those virtual game worlds. In this entry I'd like to focus primarily on some of the relational aspects of my Everquest experience.

My EQ1 adventures began around six years ago when a colleague/friend at work invited me to join his group. About half of the guild he was in was made up of people living here in the Boise area. They met once or twice a month for lunch at a local pizza place and when I started playing I instantly had over a dozen new friends when I joined their community. I really enjoyed the camaraderie we shared as we laughed about past foibles in the Everquest world or planned out our future endeavors together. On a couple of occasions we even got together for dinner and invited our spouses. At one such dinner we even had a couple from the guild who lived in Oklahoma drive all the way up to Boise to meet us. They were an interesting couple. They had met in-game, dated, and then got married (in the real world). This may sound strange but I've known several couples who met online like that and ultimately married. Anyway, I really enjoyed the opportunity to get out of my normal sphere of relationships which tended to be friends that I knew from church and ministry involvement. I felt it was good because it gave me an opportunity to take my light out from under the bushel so-to-speak. Too often we Christians isolate ourselves from contact with people "in the world".

My colleague and I became much better friends after we started gaming together. I think it was Plato who said, "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." I got to know him much better through play than I ever did through work. Unfortunately, he went through a rather painful divorce a short time later. Instead of using gaming to medicate he looked for other more social opportunities and later began dating. We kept the friendship going over the next few years though. Often we'd get in long discussions about the Christian faith. Later in our relationship after he had remarried he even gave me the opportunity to come over to his house and share the basics of the Gospel with him and after that he visited our church. His new wife was also a believer and I think he was just trying to sort things out. Somewhere inside I think he genuinely wanted to believe but just had trouble with certain aspects of the Christian Faith. Later, things changed at work and our relationship drifted apart. I wish it hadn’t and I accept the majority of the blame for it. I'd like to get together with him again. In fact, I just sent him an email to see if he'd like to do just that.

Our guild leader, and personal friend of my aforementioned colleague, worked out at the Micron PC site which was going through tough times. We encouraged him to apply for a job at the parent company since there was an opening in my group. He had great qualifications so I hired him into the group I managed at the time and soon we were all working together. It was a fun season until things became tense as Micron went through its own round of layoffs in 2003 and work conditions deteriorated. Oh well, that's another story.

After I had played EQ1 for a while my son decided that he would like to play the game as well. At the time I had proven myself as a very competent player and was fairly involved in one of the premier guilds on the server. Most of my friends from the Boise guild joined this larger guild so we could play some of the most difficult content the game had to offer that required 50-80+ people to complete. However, my son was having difficulty getting his character up to a high enough level with good enough equipment to accompany us. It was more important for me to game with him so I sold my EQ1 character and we waited a few months for EQ2 to come out. I still remember how excited both of us were to play together from level 1. It was great father and son time. I still think of those first few weeks of EQ2 as some of the most fun we've ever had together.

During our second week playing EQ2 we met a group of people who became some of our best in-game friends over the next few years. After we had played together for a while we formed a guild and added more people to our ranks. We had a lot of great times together. Even so, it's not all roses and sunshine. Sometimes people have differences of opinion that develop into conflicts or maybe they just get on each others nerves. Virtual worlds can be just like the real one in many senses. For example, our guild leader, Cord (his in-game character name), and I had a conflict once. I had a sense of humor that he found somewhat irritating and one day he let me know about it quite emphatically. I logged off and sulked like a kid for a few days before reconnecting with him to work things out. After that, we got along much better. I learned something valuable about being careful with my humor and was a better person for it. Several months later Hurricane Katrina hit the area that Cord lived in. I ended up leading a team from my church down to New Orleans and I offered to bring them over to help Cord with his house. He was very blessed by the offer but informed me that he and his dad were fortunate and that they were able to get the trees off of their houses a few days before I had arrived. We wanted to meet in person but the long drive around the lake and the curfew imposed prevented us from doing so. Cord decided to retire from EQ in order to help his family rebuild their lives in the wake of Katrina. I miss him but I fondly remember the relationship we shared for a time in the world of EQ.

One of the things that people like about virtual worlds is the anonymity that they provide. Many times people with disabilities, unattractive appearances, etc. can socialize in a way that they couldn't in a normal setting. Although this is a sad situation, I think it is good that they can get past those limiting attributes and be accepted for who they are on the inside when they visit a virtual world. Obviously this can be good and bad, especially when taken to extremes. Although some people choose to hide who they are in real life for various reasons, I am always very open about who I am. In our small EQ2 guild I became dubbed as "The Counselor" because I was always willing to talk with people who were struggling in life. I posted a biography about myself on the guild website and in that biography I shared that I was a deeply devoted Christian who was involved in marriage ministry in my church. As a result, people saw me as a person that they could go to for help. I specifically remember two people who came to me for help with their marriages. I was completely candid about my lack of formal credentials but that didn't bother them in the slightest because they had really come to appreciate me for qualities I demonstrated during gameplay. One of them really just wanted someone to talk to who was willing to listen and offer occasional feedback. Another was genuinely seeking help and I steered him in the direction of some materials that I thought would help him address some issues in his marriage. I also suggested that perhaps he needed to spend less time with EQ and more time with his wife. He agreed and I was sorry to see him retire from the game but I was glad to know that he was putting his marriage first.

Those are just a few highlights of my experiences that I hope will provide some insight into how relational online computer games can be. When I game in a virtual world I have a choice. I can hide behind a mask of anonymity or I can open my heart to others. It's no different than the choice I have in the real world.

"Is this a game or is it real?"

In the 1983 movie Wargames a young hacker named David is not sure whether he has merely been caught up in a computer simulation of World War 3 or if he actually triggered the real thing when he hacked into the military's computer system. So he asks the computer, "Is this a game, or is it real?" To which the computer responds, "What's the difference?"

Nearly 25 years later that dialog is even more intriguing when applied to the subject of virtual reality. In 1999 the question was explored in greater detail in the movie The Matrix. That same year there was a much lesser known (but better in my opinion) movie called The Thirteenth Floor that also explored virtual worlds. Finally, there was another event in 1999 that was a significant milestone in the development of virtual worlds, namely a computer game called Everquest.

Everquest is referred to as a massive multi-player on-line role-playing game or MMORPG for short. So what does that mean? Essentially, it is a virtual world similar to the one inhabited by Neo in The Matrix or the one created by Dr. Hannon Fuller in The Thirteenth Floor. However, it is in a more Tolkienesque fantasy setting and the interface is a standard Windows PC since we haven't yet created the sophisticated technology necessary to allow us to "jack in" with our actual consciousness. Although it wasn't the first such virtual world on the scene it did something well that no other game had done before. It gave the user the ability to experience the world from the first-person perspective. So, instead of looking at a little graphic representation of your character on the screen you experienced the virtual world as if you were looking out of your character's eyes. It also offered a persistent world that was inhabited by other players. Everquest quickly exploded into a cultural phenomenon that became a virtual home to millions of people.

If you think I exaggerate then I invite you to consider this: In 2001 a study was done on the monetary exchange within the Everquest virtual world that concluded that if Everquest were a real country its population of two million would be the 77th richest in the world, placing it between Russia and Bulgaria with a higher per capita GDP than China. By 2004 the Everquest virtual world had a total GDP that exceeded that of many smaller countries. Some of the virtual items in the game were selling on eBay in excess of $1,000 and well equipped characters could easily sell for several thousand. The leading MMORPG today, World of Warcraft, boasts nearly 10 million subscribers.

So what is it about Everquest that so fascinated millions of people? In a word: Community. In a stroke of sheer genius the creators of Everquest chose to design a world that practically required cooperation among the players in order to succeed and progress in the game. Although a person could choose to play solo, the most challenging and interesting places could not be visited alone and the best items in the game could not be attained without the assistance of others. Players were gently forced to form relationships with other players who's characters complimented their own. For example, a fighter could do battle against opponents for a short time with his heavy armor and weapons but with the assistance of another player who's character had the ability to heal any wounds he sustained during combat he could take on much tougher opponents and fight much longer. Add to that a whole slew of other character classes with protective wards, invisibility, bolts of lightning, combat enhancements, crowd control, well… you get the idea.

The middle tier of game content required a group of around 3-6 players to operate effectively and the top tier required multiple groups of people. These multi-group organizations were called raid groups and you could have up to 72 players joined together in 12 groups of 6 all working together to cooperatively execute a very complex strategy to overcome a challenge in the game. Since it was not possible to effectively organize that many people ad-hoc, a social system evolved and gaming guilds were born. A guild is an association of players within the virtual world that have a set of common objectives. Within these guilds people would often form lasting friendships with other players and they would look forward to their next opportunity to enter Everquest and hang out with their virtual friends. This is what made Everquest, and other MMORPGs, something more than just a game. Real relationships were developed and maintained within the context of the virtual world and quite often the relationships formed transcended the virtual world and formed in the real world as well.

At this point some of you have probably already climbed up on your mental soapbox and have made one kind of judgment or another about Everquest or virtual reality in general. That's okay. Your just responding to past belief systems and stimulus like a Pavlovian dog (I'm just toying with you here). Don't feel bad. It's natural. We all tend to see things through a certain set of glasses. Let me invite you to try on a different pair.

First, let me come clean and admit what is probably obvious given my familiarity with this subject. I have been known to dabble in the world of Everquest. And, those of you who know me well also know that I have at times spent way too much time there. Can it be addictive and bring imbalance into a person's life? Absolutely. Does that mean that it is evil and must be shunned? In my opinion, no. Now, where were we? Oh yes, new glasses… So, here are some things I submit for you to ponder:

• 
  If our culture adopts virtual reality as a "normal" part of life how do we as Christians respond? Do we reject it as wrong and encourage the world to do the same or do we embrace it look for ways to use our common ground to bring unity? (1 Cor. 9:1-23)


• 
  Can the Great Commission be fulfilled in a virtual reality? (Matthew 28:18-20)


• 
  What can we learn about people, relationships, community and, dare I say it, ourselves in the context of virtual worlds?


• 
  (This one will really bend your mind) Is this world, in fact, a virtual world from the perspective of the reality of Heaven? (1 Peter 2:11-12, 1 Cor. 13:12)

That's a bit of an introduction for those of you who may not be familiar with virtual worlds. And for those of you who are I hope it got you thinking. I've decided that I would like to add this aspect of my life to my blog and I felt I needed to establish a foundation. In the very near future I will add some more personal experiences and reflections on the subject.

To bring things full circle let me close with this question: If real community and real relationships happen within the context of a virtual gaming world, is it a game or is it real?

The Adventure Begins

The picture I have associated with this blog entry shows a map of the country of India. Why is India on my mind? I'm glad you asked. India is on my mind because some fortunate person there will have my job this time next year if all goes according to my company's plans. Yesterday I received notice that my job was being outsourced effective September, 16th 2008.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I bear no ill will toward anyone in India. While I am certainly troubled by the loss of my job and the loss of many American jobs, I am glad that people in a poverty stricken country like India are able to find lucrative employment in the high-tech sector. Good for them.


So, where do I go from here? I'm glad you asked. The truth is, I don't know. Depending on how things work out this could be either one of the most difficult challenges I've had to deal with or one of the greatest blessings. No matter the outcome though, I know that God will take care of me and my family.


So far it has felt like a blessing. Yesterday I received calls from my family and my good friends who wanted me to know that they loved me and were praying for me. Their compassion and encouragement has lifted my spirits. It's going to be a difficult year of transition no matter what the outcome a year from now and I need the love and support of my friends and family.


Thanks for listening.

He's Gone

A moment ago I received a text message at work. It simply read, “He’s gone.”

Our son had left for Anthem, the next step in his life journey. As I read the short message my eyes started to leak again. Partly because I missed him and partly because my heart went out to my wife. I cannot fully understand a mother’s love but I know that things like this parting are much more painful for Brendon’s mother.

I’m trying to remind myself that this is a normal part of life that every parent goes through. Many of them more than once but we will be spared that since Brendon is our one-and-only. I also keep telling myself that this is a good thing because this next nine months is going to be such an incredible time of rich life experiences and growth for Brendon. My last resort is to remember that he will be back next summer when the program is over. Notwithstanding these truths, it is still difficult to grasp that he is gone. Sometimes I wish I could see that giggly little boy again that struggled to sit up without falling over.

Life Exuberant

Last week I went on a hike into the Sawtooth Wilderness of Idaho with the Discipleship in Action (DIA) students from my church. This hike was to provide the students with an opportunity to get to know each other better and was also part of their training which focuses on character development. Many of these young men and women had never experienced mountains like we had here in Idaho and for some this was the first time they had attempted such a strenuous hike.

By contrast, I started hiking soon after I was out of diapers. I have visited hundreds of alpine lakes in the wilderness areas of Oregon, Washington, and Idaho and logged thousands of miles on backcountry trails. So, I was going along to help out as a friendly guide. I hoped that perhaps I would have an opportunity to share some of my wisdom and be allowed to speak into the lives of some of these students. How odd it seemed to me later when I realized that it was me who was receiving so much from them.

I've spent so much time in the alpine wilderness that I sometimes take for granted the majesty of God's creation. Watching so many of these students taking it all in with wide-eyed wonder reminded me of how privileged I was and how great is my God. It was pure joy to listen to them talk excitedly about how grand the mountains were or how clear and beautiful the water in the lakes was.

There was one event that spoke to me most profoundly though. We were all gathered on the shore of Sawtooth Lake and I recalled when I was a young teenager on just such a hike with my youth group. I remembered how much fun we had jumping into the ice cold water so I started shedding clothes and prepared to get in and lead the way. I've never been one for jumping in so I stepped out about halfway to my knees and stood for a few seconds waiting for my feet to get numb. Instead, they started sending jolts of agony up my spine as the icy tentdrils of the glacier fed lake stabbed into my flesh. I couldn't get out of the water fast enough. I tried a few more times and then confessed my defeat. Maybe it was just the seed that was needed though because one of the students (Cory) made her way down to the shore, perched on a rock, and then took the plunge.

Cory came up out of the water hollering with delight and after she got out and stood on the shore she encouraged the others to try it. As they came down to the water she gave them this wisdom: "Don't let your feet touch the water or you will feel how cold it is and lose your courage. Just get on the rock and jump in." What an incredible picture of faith. I knew the water was going to be cold and I was willing to make some sacrifice but I needed to know ahead of time how cold it was going to be. I needed to analyze it, measure it, and prepare myself for it. Once I took time to assess the cost I lost heart and allowed fear to overcome me. Some of the other students worked up the courage to jump in and others gathered close by to thinking about it so Cory dispensed some more wisdom: "Take someone's hand and do it together. It's easier if you do it with someone else." Indeed it is. That is the power of community. God designed us to live in community like this so that we could build each other up and do even greater things, things that we might not be able to accomplish on our own.

Sometimes we need encouragement from someone like Cory to rise up to the challenges in our lives and sometimes we need the shocking cold of glacier water to make us feel truly alive. And sometimes we need a slice of humble pie.

Live Like No One Else

A few months ago I read Dave Ramsey's Book, "The Total Money Makeover" because I had heard so much about him from people who had attended Financial Peace University (FPU). I thought it was pretty good but frankly it didn't meet the expectations that Dave Ramsey aficionados had helped me set. But, I was still intrigued so I watched a couple of the FPU videos.

Wow!

I can see now why Dave has had such an amazing impact on so many people. His energetic and charismatic delivery of financial wisdom leaves you feeling like there really is hope for your financial situation no matter how bad it is. Encouragement of this sort is hard to come by. I left feeling good about some of the wise financial choices I had made in the past and motivated to move myself to the next level by dealing with the poor decisions and completely getting rid of debt so that I can live the life God intended. I've done a good job saving for retirement and giving to God's Kingdom but I've done a less than stellar job of spending wisely, saving for a rainy day, and managing debt.

Dave's guiding principle is: If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.

If you're looking for another get-rich-quick scheme then Dave is not your guy. If you want to learn what it's going to take to have financial peace and you're willing to roll up your sleeves and get to work then he'll give you a step-by-step plan to do so and provide you with the tools to make it happen. Some of Dave's wisdom seems to defy logic. For example, he suggests that you pay of the smallest debts first and then apply the payments from the smaller debt to the next larger. He calls this process the "Debt Snowball". My analytical alerts instantly went off when I read that because logic would suggest that you pay off the debt with the largest interest rate first since it makes more fiscal sense. Other financial advisors I have read in the past would agree. Dave's position is that if you were smart then you probably wouldn't be in debt in the first place. Instead, he proposes that we are emotional beings not purely logical ones and the reward of paying off the smaller debt is what motivates us to tackle the next one. It's hard to argue against that.

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:7 that "…the borrower is the slave of the lender." Dave continually points out just how true this is. I find myself in a position right now where my debt is keeping me in bondage because it is preventing me from being able to make a transition from a secular vocation to ministerial one. Furthermore, it is a source of stress recently due to the uncertainty of my current job. There's not much peace or joy to be found in my current financial position.

I don't agree with Dave on everything though. In fact, I somewhat disagree with the meaning that he pours into the "later you can live like no one else" part of his principle. Although Dave is a strong proponent of tithing first, he seems to have few qualms about what is done with any money left over after you have met your saving and giving objectives. I struggle with this. I can't forget Jesus' admonition to the rich you man: "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Matthew 19:21 What a hard truth. This is one of those passages that read pretty clearly but we decide to add a lot of shades of gray to. For myself I mean that I create certain boundaries in my mind and call one side righteous and the other side sin. For example, I have certain ideas about what an acceptable car, house, or vacation is right for a Christian and what would be an unacceptably greedy choice. So, in reality it seems I have just drawn a line in a different place than Dave has. I might be more comfortable with Dave's views on this subject if there was perhaps a bit more emphasis on what the Bible teaches about Christian giving. Maybe the deal is that I'm doing poorly at giving out of my need and I'm wanting a Dave Ramsey to encourage and motivate me there too.

In summary, recommend Dave's books and I highly recommend Financial Peace University to anyone who wants to effectively manage their finances. If you don't want to be in a position in your retirement where you are forced to get your recipes from "101 Ways to Cook With Alpo" then a dose of Dave might be a good idea for you. I've already got my emergency fund established and am working away on the debt snowball. I want to be free to serve the Kingdom and leave a legacy for my son and future grandchildren. I want to experience financial peace. Don't you?

My First Baptism

This past Sunday I got to perform my first baptism. It was an experience that I am still savoring. I am so often caught up in all the busyness of life that I forget what it is really all about, namely, ushering people into God’s Kingdom. And this was it. This was the real deal. All of life’s other distractions were put on the shelf for a while as I focused on the eternally important.

Our church gathered along the shore of the Boise river where we conduct baptisms each year in August for those that want to experience it in an ice cold river. I waded out into the frigid water with the other members of our church staff and helped the pastors with a few baptisms. There was a lot of excitement as each person was lowered into the water and then raised up to the accolades of the family and friends.

And then there stood before me a young man who had just started coming to church at the invitation of a friend. He explained to us that he had accepted Jesus as his savior and wanted to be obedient to God’s command to be baptized. He wanted all that this newfound life in the Kingdom had to offer. We talked with him about the significance of baptism and then prayed over him. Though he was shaking with cold, a bit of nervousness, or both, he turned with gladness and assumed the position of one who is about to die. He held his nose with one hand and his elbow with the other as I spoke an invocation over him and we lower him down into the watery grave that symbolizes that we are dead and buried with Christ. And then we raised him up to walk in new life as his fiancée, friends, and family cheered for him.

What a privilege I thought, to be able to share such a profound event with someone. Lord, I pray that I will never take such things for granted. May I always feel awe at the profound mysteries of your Kingdom.

Passage to Manhood (Part 2)

In this second (and final) installment on my son's passage to manhood I'd like to talk about the upcoming part of his jouney. In one month Brendon will leave home and set out on his own for the first time. I remember well the day that I left home and all of the trepidation that went along with it. Brendon's situation is quite different from my own, however. My first day out of my childhood home was my honeymoon night, whereas Brendon will be leaving for Olympia, Washington to attend a Christian character development school called Anthem that is run at the Church of Living Water.

Until a few years ago I was totally unfamiliar with the concept of a Christian character development school. The closest approximations I was aware of were Youth With a Mission's (YWAM) programs: Discipleship Training School (DTS) and School of Biblical Studies (SBS) which were, at the time, largely run on autonomous bases. However, one of our associate pastors, my friend Chad Estes, was looking into a program called Master's Commission that he was thinking about running at Vineyard Boise. This was my first exposure to these types of programs which are run onsite at a local church. Anthem was originally a Master's Commission program but later changed its vision and name. Pastor Chad ultimately decided to design his own program, currently called Discipleship in Action (DIA) which is part of the Vineyard College of Mission

Here is how Anthem describes itself:

Anthem at Living Water is a leadership development program designed to empower and instruct young adults who are passionate about following Jesus and pursuing lives of meaning and ministry. Anthem is a full-time, immersion discipleship program where students are plunged into three pools of learning: hands-on training, curricular studies and personal discipleship.

I am elated that Brendon has decided to commit at least a year of his life toward pursuing what God has for him at Anthem. It was not an easy decision for him. There were some significant financial pressures for him as well as the urge to "get his life started" and enroll in college with his friends to begin pursuing his career. Initially, Sharon and I had suggested that he consider going to DIA because Brendon was having trouble deciding whether to pursue his true passion (music) or getting a more sensible degree in business. He thought about it but decided that his desire to get out of Boise for a while outweighed his desire to attend DIA. Later, his cousin Kelsey told him about Anthem and he was much more interested. In the end Brendon decided to go because he became convinced that it was God's will for him, not because he was necessarily sold-out on the idea himself or because he parents were twisting his arm. Well done son!

I am very excited to see what God does in Brendon's life this next year. What an incredible blessing he will have to spend a year in a discipleship community exploring and honing his talents as a guitar player/songwriter and building relationships with like-minded individuals.

We are all especially grateful for Brendon's great-grandparents, Vic and Fern Prosch, and his grandparents, Bob and Becky Prosch, for their financial support which has made it possible for Brendon to go to Anthem. Thank you Lord Jesus for a family who understands the importance of leaving a legacy and is willing to give of themselves and for other friends and family who have invested in Brendon throughout his life.

Passage to Manhood (Part 1)

I've been wanting to write something about my son for several weeks and have been letting various ideas germinate. This past few days a couple of friends of mine wrote about a young man's passage to manhood which brought to mind a similar experience that my son and I shared last year. During our church's men's retreat last fall God put it on my heart to recognize my son's passage to manhood. I believe strongly in the importance of a father formally recognizing his son as a man, so I took some time to sit down and write out my thoughts and obtained permission from the retreat coordinators to spend a few minutes and publicly perform a rite of passage for my son.

Here is what I read to my son in the presence of the men gathered there:

My son, there comes a time in every dad's life when he has to let go of his little boy and embrace him as a man. The passage to manhood is a transition that takes time and does not happen overnight. I do believe, however, that it is important for every young man to know the point at which his father recognizes him as a man.

Brendon, for you this time has come and, therefore, I would like to acknowledge before God and before these men gathered here today that I consider you to be a man. May you always remember that on October, 21st, 2006 at Trinity Pines you passed from childhood to manhood.

I have spent the last twenty years of my life preparing for you and raising you to the Glory of God. Please forgive my many failings when I did not adequately model for you the father heart of God. I would pay nearly any price to go back in time and play games with my little boy one more time. Those moments can never be recaptured, only remembered. My heart's desire now is that we have a deep, lasting, intimate friendship for the remainder of our lives together.

Son, there is no greater aspiration in life than for a man to seek after God and to walk in in His perfect will. My hope for you is that you will do this wholeheartedly for the remainder of your days. I am so proud of you for your love for God and your passion to serve Him in the area of worship ministry.

Brendon, are you ready to receive the mantle of manhood and the responsibilities that come with it?

Then I give you my blessing and charge you to serve God faithfully and to love those He places in your life with all of your heart. My continuing commitment to you is to be your father, friend and mentor for the remainder of my life and to provide for you and your family a legacy that will bless you.

I pass on to you this verse as it was given to me by your Grandfather Davis: Psalm 32:8 - I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Lord, I pray that you will empower these words to take root in our hearts. Give us wisdom that we might seek you first in all that we do and grant us the strength to do it. Bless my son in all that he does for your glory. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Brendon's passage to manhood was greeted with much applause and cheering and we both shed a few tears. I will always remember and cherish that moment when we stood face to face for the first time together as men.

Since the retreat Brendon's journey into manhood has continued. He celebrated his eighteenth birthday, graduated from high school, bought (and repaired) his first car, and made plans for his continuing education. These and other experiences have challenged and molded him this past year into a fine young man of which I am very proud. God has richly blessed me through Brendon.

Soon my son will enter the next chapter of his life and my role will change. I look forward to it with great anticipation. I can't wait to see what God does with his life.

The Hands of the Surgeon

I am sitting in the waiting room of the surgery center of St. Luke’s Medical Center as I write this blog. My son Brendon, is having his sixth and, hopefully, final reconstructive surgery on his cleft lip and palate. The purpose of this surgery is to move and rebuild his nose and, hopefully, to perform some final plastic surgery on his lip if everything else goes well.

Sometimes I ask God why but mostly I thank him that we live in a day and age in which our son can receive the best medical treatment available and that we have the means to provide it for him.

As parents, our hearts have ached many times for the pain that we have watched our son go through. There is the physical pain of the surgeries themselves but there is also the deeper emotional pain experienced by a young boy who has always been very sociable and yet who has had to struggle so hard to be accepted in social circles that find it difficult to look past the exterior differences.

Often I look at Brendon’s cosmetic handicap and wish it were not so and yet I wouldn’t trade it for the world if it was a necessary part of who he is today. Perhaps God, in his infinite wisdom, knew that this circumstance was just what was needed as he was sculpting Brendon into the young man that he is today. After Brendon was admitted to surgery we went across the street to have breakfast with Sharon’s parents and during our conversation I commented that he is one of the finest young men that I know. Yes, he has his imperfections, like all of us, but they are, shall we say, cosmetic.

I am so thankful for the friends and family that have surrounded us with love and support throughout the years. Most notably, I am thankful for Sharon’s parents, Ted and Shelia Davis, who have traveled thousands of miles and sacrificed hundreds of hours of their time to be present with us for every single one of Brendon’s surgeries.

As the surgery is underway I pray: “Lord Jesus, guide the hands of the surgeon that you have prepared for this occasion. Let the outcome be good and let Brendon have a quick recovery with minimal pain and complications. Give him peace during his healing time and draw him closer to you. Thank you Lord for blessing me with such a great son and for blessing us with so many loving friends and family. Amen.”

The Tale of the Armor Bearer

I sat at the very back of the crowd and listened intently as Sir Knightly spoke to the men gathered around him. He spoke about the challenges of being a real warrior and told us stories of other great men of valor. He spoke with confidence and passion as the sun glinted off of his armor in the early morning. He also shared with us his own experiences. He inspired us with stories of his own victories and tempered us with tales of his defeats. We learned from him that a true warrior is not measured so much by the outcome as he is by his conduct during the battle; most importantly, his obedience to the will of his Lord.

We were a mixed lot. Some among us were warriors and others had never so much as lifted a blade to fight for The Kingdom. It was obvious to me that many there had suffered major defeats that had left them terribly wounded. I considered myself a warrior in my own right, though not as great as Sir Knightly. He had many great titles whereas I had earned only a few of lesser significance. I was not ashamed. Not all are called to be great warriors like Sir Knightly. However, I still secretly hoped that one day I would be freed from my other obligations that I too might pursue such noble causes. Not for the titles and the glory mind you but for the good of The Kingdom. Yes, I too can succumb to pride but I tell you honestly, after much introspection, that my motivations in this are pure. But, I digress.

It had been a challenging few days for all of us. Sir Knightly had been teaching us about the way of the warrior. At first, many of the things he had us do seemed very strange and we did not understand. Later, we began to comprehend as we saw the results of his training. We became men of one heart. The stories he shared also seemed to be carefully selected to highlight the important points that he was trying to teach us. I recall one story he told us about a man who was a warrior of no significance until much later in life. This man's son had been crippled from birth but had a brave heart and wished to go into battle with his father. The warrior knew that it would be no easy task to undertake such an endeavor but undertake it he did and without so much as flinching. Because of his great valor, he became a great warrior in the eyes of many men, us included, and, no doubt, in the eyes of his son. This story was particularly inspiring to me because it showed me that a man can choose a different path even if it is late in his life. Though I am not old, I had sometimes felt that I must remain on the road I had chosen rather than choosing another, but no longer.

I counted myself fortunate among the men gathered there for I had sat under the tutelage of some very great warriors, Sir Knightly being one of them. I had also had the opportunity in recent years to fight alongside him in some small skirmishes and to help him in his endeavors to train others. I had learned a great deal from Sir Knightly. After seeing what a great warrior he was I would not be surprised if a few of those men even envied me my familiarity with him.

As Sir Knightly concluded his training he read to us a story from The Word. It was a story about a great warrior named Jonathan and his armor bearer. Together they slew an entire camp of foes after being given a signal from their Lord. At first I thought he was inspiring us to greatness with another story of valor but instead he sought to teach us of humility and servanthood. "You see, all great warriors have need of an armor bearer." His words rung in my heart. The message was clear to me. A true warrior must, at times, depend on others. And, also, a true warrior must, at times, serve others. Sir Knightly then began to name some men who were his armor bearers. These were not mere farmers with pitchforks mind you. These were great warriors in their own right. And then, a most perplexing thing happened. Sir Knightly looked across the crowed and locked his eyes with mine and named me as one of his armor bearers.

I must confess to you that I went numb. My eyes brimmed with tears then (and now) by the honor he had just given me and yet I did not feel worthy of such a great title. I suppose there are many men who would consider such a thing their due and, perhaps, others who would be insulted to be called someone's armor bearer. A number of thoughts went through my sorry head. I began to wonder if maybe he had felt obligated to name me so since I was there and had served alongside him recently. I quickly realized though that such a thought demeaned both Sir Knightly and myself. I also remembered that Sir Knightly had recently recommended to me that I attend a special training program which I had declined because of the cost it would present to me and because, in my arrogance, I did not see the value of the training myself nor did I trust Sir Knightly enough to accept his judgment in the matter. After what I had experienced in those few days I committed that I would attend the training. And so I accepted in my heart the honor Sir Knightly had bestowed upon me and set out to understand the duties and responsibilities of an armor bearer.

It was some time before Sir Knightly called upon me to bear his armor but call upon me he did. We met at a local establishment to enjoy a drink together and as soon as Sir Knightly stepped through the door I could tell that he had been in a battle and that it had not gone well. His armor looked very worn and, if I may be so bold to suggest it, even a bit dingy. I wasn't sure if Sir Knightly wanted to talk about the battle so I shared with him some details of a small conflict I was currently involved in that was not going well. Apparently this made him feel at ease and he asked me to help him with his armor. As he began to take it off I was amazed by the wounds underneath. This was the second battle he had fought recently in this campaign and both had left him sorely wounded. While I helped him with his armor he told me of the battle and how he had received the wounds and I winced as I shared in his pain.

It takes a great deal of trust for a great warrior such as Sir Knightly to remove his armor in the presence of another when he is in such a weakened state. I was honored that he would extend such trust to me. I did what I could to tend to his wounds. The only insight I could offer was that he talk to his commander to ensure that he understood his orders and that he had his full support. I also suggested that he focus on the strategic aspects of the campaign instead of fighting tactical battles. Then, I helped him don his armor and sought to clean it up a bit. The condition of a warrior's armor often reflects more than his outward experiences and I felt that this was the case with Sir Knightly. Thus, I reminded him of his many great victories and asked him to consider how many lives had been affected by the outcome of his battles and his training of others for battle. Sir Knightly appeared to be heartened by this and as he bid me good bye I felt confident that he had trained me well and that I had borne his armor with diligence.

I met again with Sir Knightly a bit later and he indicated that he had spoken with his commander and that the future prospects of the campaign looked much better. I could tell by the look of his armor and his outward demeanor that he was once again ready for battle. I continue to be impressed by his seemingly endless commitment and passion. Wherever you are Sir Knightly you are in my prayers. Excelsior!

A.B.

What Color is Your Cross?

A couple of years ago I made a trip down to New Orleans to spend a week helping with the disaster relief efforts. One thing I remember from that trip was how disillusioned people were with the Red Cross' ability to respond to their plight. I frequently heard people remark that they hadn't received any kind of aid at all outside of the grassroots efforts organized by local religious organizations. Some of these people felt even more let down because they had made contributions to the Red Cross. It's not my intention to disparage the Red Cross here but I'm taking an opportunity to illustrate the point that I'm eventually going to get to.

Recently, I had my own disappointing experience with Blue Cross, my medical insurance carrier. In August of 2006 we initiated a pre-approval process for a surgical procedure that my son, Brendon, needed as part of his cleft lip/palate reconstructive surgery process. Little did I know that it would end up being a year long ordeal. To make long story shorter, we initially thought the surgery would be covered then later, when we asked for something in writing, we learned that it would not be. Numerous letters were exchanged between Blue Cross, several doctors, my company's benefits department, and ourselves. We never did get pre-approval and after the surgery was performed some bills were paid and others were not. When I questioned Blue Cross about the inconsistencies they responded that they had made a mistake and I would have to reimburse them the money that I had already forwarded to the medical service providers. Basically, it looked like we were on the hook for $30k+ or some ugly litigation.

So here we have two organizations who chose a cross as their symbol. Two organizations on which our earthly lives have some significant dependence and to which we gladly contribute our finances in the hope that when we need them they will be there for us. And, ultimately, two organizations that, in my experience have let people down. In stark contrast stands the Cross of Christ. I'm not sure what color it was - probably some shade of brown - but I do know that I can depend on it completely. It may not be there to pay my bills or bring me food and water when disaster strikes but the One who died on it will give me everything I truly need in this life. And, finally, when the day comes when I stand before my Creator to give an account for my life, that old rugged cross will be the only thing I can depend on. I have no doubt whatsoever that my trust in it will be well placed.

(In all fairness to Blue Cross, they did eventually agree to pay most of the costs of the surgery a few weeks ago. I'm going to give thanks to the One with the brown, wooden cross though.)

Software Review: Mozy

This utility is so fantastic it’s almost too good to be true. Mozy lets you backup up to 2GB of your data absolutely free and it’s very simple to install and use. If you need more storage then you can subscribe to Mozy’s unlimited plan for $4.95/month.

I use it to backup my My Documents folder. The only problem I had was that I had over 2GB of data there and I wanted to use the free plan. So, I had to move my music collection to another location. A little bit of a pain but it’s worth it to know that I’ll never lose any of my critical data. If you have a lot of stuff like pictures and such that you don’t want to worry about losing then the unlimited plan is probably your best bet.

The Mozy software runs every night and creates a backup of any documents that have changed since the previous backup was performed. These are stored on Mozy’s servers so you won’t be using up any disk space. The data transfer is encrypted and access is password protected so it is safe and secure.

If you aren’t doing nightly backups you should be and this is one of the best solutions around.

Why Blog?

The other day a friend asked me why I blog. Specifically, he was wondering why someone would want to keep on online diary where they record all kinds of personal details about their life that the world can read.

I suppose there are as many answers to that question as there are people who are blogging. Undoubtedly with some common purposes. Some people blog for a specific reason only and others blog for practically no reason at all. Perhaps the latter are just doing it because they perceive that everyone else is.

When I started blogging about six months ago, I wasn't totally sure why I wanted to, I just had a few notions. Primarily, I had enjoyed reading my friends' blogs and thought maybe I'd give it a try since it seemed like a good way of letting people know what was going on in my life. After having done it a while I have a lot of value in the process so I thought I'd take a moment to share my experiences with blogging.

The value of self examination: For me, the most valuable aspect of blogging has been the self examination process. I usually spend a few days thinking about what I am going to blog before I ever pick up the electronic pen. Then, I usually spend a good deal of time deciding what to say and how to say it. For me it's somewhere between an editorial column and a diary. I can't be completely transparent but I do want to be authentic. In other words, there are things that I shouldn't say because they are either too personal for a public forum or they are inappropriate because they involve revealing details about another person. Overall, I find the process of putting thoughts and feelings into words that I want to communicate to my audience to be very therapeutic. I also find myself thinking about a lot of things in my life as if I were going to put them on my blog. I bet there are five entries in my head for every one I have actually written. This is a good thing because I find myself analyzing my experiences, feelings, and behaviors in a lot more detail.

The value of authentic sharing: Initially I thought the blog would be a good way to share what was going on in my life with my friends and family. I had planned to write factual information about noteworthy events. Instead, I found that I preferred to go beyond the events and describe my experiences. I wanted to share how I felt or what I had learned. I wanted to give some value to my readers. If you've followed my blog you know that I am of the opinion that there is great value in sharing from my heart; value for myself and for others. The feedback I have received on the blog, both online and off, has reinforced my perspective.

The value of written memoirs: The blog has become somewhat of a story of my life. I have found myself referring back to various entries several times to remind myself how I felt about something or to simply recapture the experience so I could apply it to new events. A surprising feature of the blog is the power of the written word. There have been several times where I have been challenged by circumstances in my life to shrink away from commitments I had made and the knowledge that I did it publicly on my blog has kept me on course even better than my personal written goals. On a side note I also think it's a rather cool thing to have available to give to new friends to accelerate the "getting to know each other" process.

I've learned a lot about myself over the last six months (I hope others have too). I've leaned that I care about what people think of me more than I thought I did. I suppose that is both good and bad. Sometimes I agonize over what to say or how to say it. Am I being too transparent? Am I being misleading by leaving out a questionable detail? Can I be that vulnerable? Sometimes I wanted to write something but stopped myself because I felt like I'd posted too much that week and was afraid people would get tired of reading if I wrote too much (Henceforth I won't be letting that stop me). I've had to work through a lot of these feelings and I think it has afforded me the opportunity to get to know myself better and increased my ability to relate to others.

Shortly after I started my blog I added an email subscription and Feedburner tracking which allowed me to see how many hits my blog got and how many subscribers I had. I kept checking to see who had subscribed and how many hits I had. At first I was a bit disturbed by my own reactions. Why did I care so much? One thing that I noticed was that there was a very low subscription response from my close family and friends abroad; the very people who complained they never knew what was going on in my life. I was a bit hurt by this. I also noticed that people who lived close and saw me regularly, even some who didn't have a very close relationship with me, were much more interested in my blog. Interesting… I've also seen hits from people all over the world and have no idea who they are. Even more interesting…

So, I intend to keep doing this. It's unlikely I'll ever be a world famous blogger and that's just fine. I wouldn't want that kind of pressure. But, it's fun and I am getting value out of it. Hopefully, you are too. Thanks for reading.

Thinking of my Dad

My dad entered retirement several weeks ago and moved to Kwajalein (a tropical atoll in the South Pacific - see picture) where he will live for the next two years. His wife, Becky, will work as an RN in the local hospital while she finishes up her working years and jumps on the retirement bandwagon herself. Becky’s son and daughter-in-law live there as well. Visiting them a couple of times in the past few years is what inspired them to be adventurous and move there.

It sounds to me like the perfect way to start one’s retirement. Doing a little fishing, scuba diving, or just basking in the sun with a good book and a cold drink while your wife works... I’m so jealous. But, I’m also overjoyed for him. If anyone deserves such a life, he does.

When I was four years old my mother left my sister and I with her parents and set out to start a new life. In the meantime my dad struggled to pay off the debts she left him with while he establish his new life as a bachelor. He went to work for Boise Cascade in La Grande, Oregon where he worked faithfully for the next 40 years. My sister and I visited my dad regularly and after three years he decided to do something almost unheard of in those days. He went to court and filed for custody of his children. After an unpleasant legal battle, he won, which was not something easily done by a single father back in the early 1970’s.

My dad did what any loving father should do. He set aside his personal goals and ambitions for his own life and sacrificed himself for his children. And yet, to me, it is somewhat remarkable because it is a dedication so rarely exhibited by fathers in our present culture. I often wonder what my life would be like today if my dad had not chosen to do the right thing. My maternal grandparents were good people too and I am sure they would have done their best to take care of be but had I lived with my mother later in life I’m not sure where my moral compass would be pointing today. Dad would agree that he was not a perfect father (neither am I) but he tried to do what was right and instill Christian values in his children. His commitment and financial support continued until I had completed college and I know that if I needed help to this day I would only have to ask.

Today I think of my dad not only as my father but as my very best friend. He left for me a great legacy by showing me what it means to be a dad. These lessons didn’t come by means of lecture so much as they did through actions motivated by love. I remember playing games together as a family or eagerly anticipating the next episode of Mission Impossible on Friday nights. If the budget allowed it, we’d splurge and get a bottle of pop and some ice cream. Then there were all the hunting, fishing, and backpacking trips where I learned courage and self-sufficiency. These times together were priceless and I miss them. This is going to be a long two years…

So here’s to you dad! I thank God for you and I thank you for all that you sacrificed for me. I will endeavor to leave a legacy that builds on the one you have given me as my son continues his journey into manhood. I hope that you will enjoy your retirement and be satisfied that you made a difference in this world with your life which is far from over. I look forward to seeing what you do with the rest of it and can’t wait to see you again!

The Pruning Axe

The axe fell yesterday at my company (Micron Technology, Inc.). Although a lot of good people lost their jobs, it looks like I will be able to retain mine for now. I felt like I needed to say something in my blog since I mentioned that I was struggling with this issue. Now that I am on the other side I am not sure what to say. There are a lot of thoughts and emotions behind them.

I was very relieved that it was not me that was laid off but I was saddened for those who were. They were people like me with families, financial obligations, and future plans. Some of them I have worked with for years. The company will be poorer without them.

The future of the industry and Micron are uncertain. It is obvious that Micron cannot continue with “business as usual” and will have to make significant changes in order to compete against companies in foreign markets with lower labor costs, litigation costs, etc. The handwriting on the wall would seem to suggest that a lot of jobs will be outsourced to lower cost providers both domestic and foreign. My personal speculation is that the future for operational jobs is grim. It just doesn’t seem likely that Micron will invest the dollars necessary to upgrade the Boise fabs to make them cost competitive. Eventually the fabs will become too costly to operate, resulting in more lost jobs which would really hurt the local economy. Boise is just too small to easily absorb such a significant loss of jobs.

One thing that I have learned from this is the necessity of embracing change. Like companies, people need to be able to adapt to change. When we don’t we lose our effectiveness. To personalize it: I need to embrace change. I’ve always felt very secure in my profession but now I realize more than ever that nothing is certain. In fact, it is very uncertain and I must make changes to adapt to a shifting market.

More importantly, I’ve been reminded that I must depend more on God and less on myself. As with Job, I recognize that all I own and depend on for my security can be suddenly swept away. Only my relationship with God is lasting and worthy of my dependence. I can trust in Him to supply all of my needs.

Vision and Reality

This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life. I know I've been quite an Eeyore lately but I am finding that putting my thoughts and emotions into words is helping me though these trials. I also hope that others will find value in what I share. So, here is my list:

• 
  Since my company announced layoffs last week I have gone to work each day wondering if it would be my last. The axe is looming above our heads and life at the office has been rather gloomy.


• 
  I've been struggling with my insurance company to get coverage for my son's surgery six months ago. The total is nearly $30K and I am beginning to wonder if they will cover any of it. They have been reprocessing the portions they initially covered to deny it and the bills are stacking up.


• 
  My son is preparing to move away for college and needs financial assistance for that as well as for his car which broke down right after we bought it.


• 
  There are some significant relational strugges in my immediate family that have left me raw emotionally.

Any one of these would be difficult by itself. All of them coming at onces seems insurmountable. Last night I threw my hands in the air and cried out, "God, why are you doing this to me? What lesson do you want me to learn? I can't take any more!"

This morning I believe God answered that cry of my heart through the daily devotional reading from Oswald Chambers' book, "My Utmost for His Highest". I include it here:

Vision and Reality

"And the parched ground shall become a pool." Isaiah 35:7

We always have visions, before a thing is made real. When we realize that although the vision is real, it is not real in us, then is the time that Satan comes in with his temptations, and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation.

God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we will have patience. Think of the enormous leisure of God! He is never in a hurry. We are always in such a frantic hurry. In the light of the glory of the vision we go forth to do things, but the vision is not real in us yet; and God has to take us into the valley, and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the place where He can trust us with the veritable reality. Ever since we had the vision God has been at work, getting us into the shape of the ideal, and over and over again we escape from His hand and try to batter ourselves into our own shape.

The vision is not a castle in the air, but a vision of what God wants you to be. Let Him put you on His wheel and whirl you as He likes, and as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out exactly in accordance with the vision. Don't lose heart in the process. If you have ever had the vision of God, you may try as you like to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never let you.

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"Lord, please forgive me for my irreverent attitude last night. Thank you for answering me and showing me that you have a purpose and that what you are doing is necessary. Help me to trust in you more and set aside my worry. Thank you for speaking so lovingly to me through my wife. Help me to be a blessing to her. In Jesus' name - Amen."