I've Got Skills

During one of his many memorable dialogues, Napoleon Dynamite --from the movie with the same name-- lamented the fact that he had insufficient skills.

Napoleon: "I don't even have any good skills… You know, like… numchuck skills, bow-hunting skills, computer hacking skills."

Recently I've had an opportunity to look at some of my own skills as I've updated my decade old resume. I know… I know… You're supposed to keep that up-to-date but life got busy...

Now I know you're all just wondering with barely suppressed excitement what kind of skills a Software Engineer would have. Well, let me tell you... I have skills the likes of which you have never imagined. I bet you can't wait to be impressed by the list so here it is:

Hardware Platforms: IBM ( System 360, ES 9000, RS 6000) Intel x86, Solaris

Operating Systems: IBM MVS, Windows (NT/XP/Server), Solaris Unix, Red Hat Linux

Languages: COBOL II, Pascal, OS 360 Assembler, C, C++, VB, Perl

Databases: IMS, DB/2, MS SQL Server, Sybase, Oracle

Software: MS Office, MS Project, numerous IDE’s and database design suites.

Actually, some of those skills are quite dated and make me feel rather old but they are a badge of honor so I keep them there just to show that I've been around a while. It's not like I'd ever want to go back to programming on COBOL or Assembler.

My most coveted skill is my experience with C++ - pronounced "See plus plus" This is the king of software development languages. Sure you could argue for some others on the basis that they are simpler to use, newer, or conform more closely to some ideal but at the end of the day we all know that C++ is the reigning king. This is the language I have been coding in for the past nine years or so. It's challenging to learn, difficult to use proficiently, and nearly impossible to master.

Of course, there are some other skills I wish I could list there. For instance, I wish I could, in good conscience, put Visual C++ or MFC there but my experience developing on the Microsoft Windows platform is too limited. It would be cool to put C#, Java, or ASP there too but, alas, I only have classroom experience with those.

I think Napoleon Dynamite had it wrong though. It's not the skills that matter but rather the person behind the skills. As I go forth in search of employment I'm going to focus more selling my character than my ability to manipulate characters (that's a programmer pun). And, of course I'll pray the 23rd Psalm in programmer style...

The Lord is my programmer,
I shall not crash.
He installed his software
on the hard disk of
my heart;
all of his commands
are user-friendly.
His directory guides me
to the right choices
for his namespace's sake.
Even though I scroll
through the problems
of life,
I will fear no bugs,
for he is my backup.
His syntax protects me.
He prepares a menu
before me
in the presence of
my enemies,
the hackers.
His help is only a
keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy
will follow me
all the days of my life,
and my data will be merged
with his and saved
forever.