Virtual Friends

It's been challenging to figure out how to summarize my online gaming experiences in a bite size chunk suitable for a blog entry. I've played numerous multiplayer online games over nearly the last decade but favorites were Everquest 1 & 2 so I'll just limit myself to talking about my experiences in those virtual game worlds. In this entry I'd like to focus primarily on some of the relational aspects of my Everquest experience.

My EQ1 adventures began around six years ago when a colleague/friend at work invited me to join his group. About half of the guild he was in was made up of people living here in the Boise area. They met once or twice a month for lunch at a local pizza place and when I started playing I instantly had over a dozen new friends when I joined their community. I really enjoyed the camaraderie we shared as we laughed about past foibles in the Everquest world or planned out our future endeavors together. On a couple of occasions we even got together for dinner and invited our spouses. At one such dinner we even had a couple from the guild who lived in Oklahoma drive all the way up to Boise to meet us. They were an interesting couple. They had met in-game, dated, and then got married (in the real world). This may sound strange but I've known several couples who met online like that and ultimately married. Anyway, I really enjoyed the opportunity to get out of my normal sphere of relationships which tended to be friends that I knew from church and ministry involvement. I felt it was good because it gave me an opportunity to take my light out from under the bushel so-to-speak. Too often we Christians isolate ourselves from contact with people "in the world".

My colleague and I became much better friends after we started gaming together. I think it was Plato who said, "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." I got to know him much better through play than I ever did through work. Unfortunately, he went through a rather painful divorce a short time later. Instead of using gaming to medicate he looked for other more social opportunities and later began dating. We kept the friendship going over the next few years though. Often we'd get in long discussions about the Christian faith. Later in our relationship after he had remarried he even gave me the opportunity to come over to his house and share the basics of the Gospel with him and after that he visited our church. His new wife was also a believer and I think he was just trying to sort things out. Somewhere inside I think he genuinely wanted to believe but just had trouble with certain aspects of the Christian Faith. Later, things changed at work and our relationship drifted apart. I wish it hadn’t and I accept the majority of the blame for it. I'd like to get together with him again. In fact, I just sent him an email to see if he'd like to do just that.

Our guild leader, and personal friend of my aforementioned colleague, worked out at the Micron PC site which was going through tough times. We encouraged him to apply for a job at the parent company since there was an opening in my group. He had great qualifications so I hired him into the group I managed at the time and soon we were all working together. It was a fun season until things became tense as Micron went through its own round of layoffs in 2003 and work conditions deteriorated. Oh well, that's another story.

After I had played EQ1 for a while my son decided that he would like to play the game as well. At the time I had proven myself as a very competent player and was fairly involved in one of the premier guilds on the server. Most of my friends from the Boise guild joined this larger guild so we could play some of the most difficult content the game had to offer that required 50-80+ people to complete. However, my son was having difficulty getting his character up to a high enough level with good enough equipment to accompany us. It was more important for me to game with him so I sold my EQ1 character and we waited a few months for EQ2 to come out. I still remember how excited both of us were to play together from level 1. It was great father and son time. I still think of those first few weeks of EQ2 as some of the most fun we've ever had together.

During our second week playing EQ2 we met a group of people who became some of our best in-game friends over the next few years. After we had played together for a while we formed a guild and added more people to our ranks. We had a lot of great times together. Even so, it's not all roses and sunshine. Sometimes people have differences of opinion that develop into conflicts or maybe they just get on each others nerves. Virtual worlds can be just like the real one in many senses. For example, our guild leader, Cord (his in-game character name), and I had a conflict once. I had a sense of humor that he found somewhat irritating and one day he let me know about it quite emphatically. I logged off and sulked like a kid for a few days before reconnecting with him to work things out. After that, we got along much better. I learned something valuable about being careful with my humor and was a better person for it. Several months later Hurricane Katrina hit the area that Cord lived in. I ended up leading a team from my church down to New Orleans and I offered to bring them over to help Cord with his house. He was very blessed by the offer but informed me that he and his dad were fortunate and that they were able to get the trees off of their houses a few days before I had arrived. We wanted to meet in person but the long drive around the lake and the curfew imposed prevented us from doing so. Cord decided to retire from EQ in order to help his family rebuild their lives in the wake of Katrina. I miss him but I fondly remember the relationship we shared for a time in the world of EQ.

One of the things that people like about virtual worlds is the anonymity that they provide. Many times people with disabilities, unattractive appearances, etc. can socialize in a way that they couldn't in a normal setting. Although this is a sad situation, I think it is good that they can get past those limiting attributes and be accepted for who they are on the inside when they visit a virtual world. Obviously this can be good and bad, especially when taken to extremes. Although some people choose to hide who they are in real life for various reasons, I am always very open about who I am. In our small EQ2 guild I became dubbed as "The Counselor" because I was always willing to talk with people who were struggling in life. I posted a biography about myself on the guild website and in that biography I shared that I was a deeply devoted Christian who was involved in marriage ministry in my church. As a result, people saw me as a person that they could go to for help. I specifically remember two people who came to me for help with their marriages. I was completely candid about my lack of formal credentials but that didn't bother them in the slightest because they had really come to appreciate me for qualities I demonstrated during gameplay. One of them really just wanted someone to talk to who was willing to listen and offer occasional feedback. Another was genuinely seeking help and I steered him in the direction of some materials that I thought would help him address some issues in his marriage. I also suggested that perhaps he needed to spend less time with EQ and more time with his wife. He agreed and I was sorry to see him retire from the game but I was glad to know that he was putting his marriage first.

Those are just a few highlights of my experiences that I hope will provide some insight into how relational online computer games can be. When I game in a virtual world I have a choice. I can hide behind a mask of anonymity or I can open my heart to others. It's no different than the choice I have in the real world.

"Is this a game or is it real?"

In the 1983 movie Wargames a young hacker named David is not sure whether he has merely been caught up in a computer simulation of World War 3 or if he actually triggered the real thing when he hacked into the military's computer system. So he asks the computer, "Is this a game, or is it real?" To which the computer responds, "What's the difference?"

Nearly 25 years later that dialog is even more intriguing when applied to the subject of virtual reality. In 1999 the question was explored in greater detail in the movie The Matrix. That same year there was a much lesser known (but better in my opinion) movie called The Thirteenth Floor that also explored virtual worlds. Finally, there was another event in 1999 that was a significant milestone in the development of virtual worlds, namely a computer game called Everquest.

Everquest is referred to as a massive multi-player on-line role-playing game or MMORPG for short. So what does that mean? Essentially, it is a virtual world similar to the one inhabited by Neo in The Matrix or the one created by Dr. Hannon Fuller in The Thirteenth Floor. However, it is in a more Tolkienesque fantasy setting and the interface is a standard Windows PC since we haven't yet created the sophisticated technology necessary to allow us to "jack in" with our actual consciousness. Although it wasn't the first such virtual world on the scene it did something well that no other game had done before. It gave the user the ability to experience the world from the first-person perspective. So, instead of looking at a little graphic representation of your character on the screen you experienced the virtual world as if you were looking out of your character's eyes. It also offered a persistent world that was inhabited by other players. Everquest quickly exploded into a cultural phenomenon that became a virtual home to millions of people.

If you think I exaggerate then I invite you to consider this: In 2001 a study was done on the monetary exchange within the Everquest virtual world that concluded that if Everquest were a real country its population of two million would be the 77th richest in the world, placing it between Russia and Bulgaria with a higher per capita GDP than China. By 2004 the Everquest virtual world had a total GDP that exceeded that of many smaller countries. Some of the virtual items in the game were selling on eBay in excess of $1,000 and well equipped characters could easily sell for several thousand. The leading MMORPG today, World of Warcraft, boasts nearly 10 million subscribers.

So what is it about Everquest that so fascinated millions of people? In a word: Community. In a stroke of sheer genius the creators of Everquest chose to design a world that practically required cooperation among the players in order to succeed and progress in the game. Although a person could choose to play solo, the most challenging and interesting places could not be visited alone and the best items in the game could not be attained without the assistance of others. Players were gently forced to form relationships with other players who's characters complimented their own. For example, a fighter could do battle against opponents for a short time with his heavy armor and weapons but with the assistance of another player who's character had the ability to heal any wounds he sustained during combat he could take on much tougher opponents and fight much longer. Add to that a whole slew of other character classes with protective wards, invisibility, bolts of lightning, combat enhancements, crowd control, well… you get the idea.

The middle tier of game content required a group of around 3-6 players to operate effectively and the top tier required multiple groups of people. These multi-group organizations were called raid groups and you could have up to 72 players joined together in 12 groups of 6 all working together to cooperatively execute a very complex strategy to overcome a challenge in the game. Since it was not possible to effectively organize that many people ad-hoc, a social system evolved and gaming guilds were born. A guild is an association of players within the virtual world that have a set of common objectives. Within these guilds people would often form lasting friendships with other players and they would look forward to their next opportunity to enter Everquest and hang out with their virtual friends. This is what made Everquest, and other MMORPGs, something more than just a game. Real relationships were developed and maintained within the context of the virtual world and quite often the relationships formed transcended the virtual world and formed in the real world as well.

At this point some of you have probably already climbed up on your mental soapbox and have made one kind of judgment or another about Everquest or virtual reality in general. That's okay. Your just responding to past belief systems and stimulus like a Pavlovian dog (I'm just toying with you here). Don't feel bad. It's natural. We all tend to see things through a certain set of glasses. Let me invite you to try on a different pair.

First, let me come clean and admit what is probably obvious given my familiarity with this subject. I have been known to dabble in the world of Everquest. And, those of you who know me well also know that I have at times spent way too much time there. Can it be addictive and bring imbalance into a person's life? Absolutely. Does that mean that it is evil and must be shunned? In my opinion, no. Now, where were we? Oh yes, new glasses… So, here are some things I submit for you to ponder:

• 
  If our culture adopts virtual reality as a "normal" part of life how do we as Christians respond? Do we reject it as wrong and encourage the world to do the same or do we embrace it look for ways to use our common ground to bring unity? (1 Cor. 9:1-23)


• 
  Can the Great Commission be fulfilled in a virtual reality? (Matthew 28:18-20)


• 
  What can we learn about people, relationships, community and, dare I say it, ourselves in the context of virtual worlds?


• 
  (This one will really bend your mind) Is this world, in fact, a virtual world from the perspective of the reality of Heaven? (1 Peter 2:11-12, 1 Cor. 13:12)

That's a bit of an introduction for those of you who may not be familiar with virtual worlds. And for those of you who are I hope it got you thinking. I've decided that I would like to add this aspect of my life to my blog and I felt I needed to establish a foundation. In the very near future I will add some more personal experiences and reflections on the subject.

To bring things full circle let me close with this question: If real community and real relationships happen within the context of a virtual gaming world, is it a game or is it real?

The Adventure Begins

The picture I have associated with this blog entry shows a map of the country of India. Why is India on my mind? I'm glad you asked. India is on my mind because some fortunate person there will have my job this time next year if all goes according to my company's plans. Yesterday I received notice that my job was being outsourced effective September, 16th 2008.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I bear no ill will toward anyone in India. While I am certainly troubled by the loss of my job and the loss of many American jobs, I am glad that people in a poverty stricken country like India are able to find lucrative employment in the high-tech sector. Good for them.


So, where do I go from here? I'm glad you asked. The truth is, I don't know. Depending on how things work out this could be either one of the most difficult challenges I've had to deal with or one of the greatest blessings. No matter the outcome though, I know that God will take care of me and my family.


So far it has felt like a blessing. Yesterday I received calls from my family and my good friends who wanted me to know that they loved me and were praying for me. Their compassion and encouragement has lifted my spirits. It's going to be a difficult year of transition no matter what the outcome a year from now and I need the love and support of my friends and family.


Thanks for listening.

He's Gone

A moment ago I received a text message at work. It simply read, “He’s gone.”

Our son had left for Anthem, the next step in his life journey. As I read the short message my eyes started to leak again. Partly because I missed him and partly because my heart went out to my wife. I cannot fully understand a mother’s love but I know that things like this parting are much more painful for Brendon’s mother.

I’m trying to remind myself that this is a normal part of life that every parent goes through. Many of them more than once but we will be spared that since Brendon is our one-and-only. I also keep telling myself that this is a good thing because this next nine months is going to be such an incredible time of rich life experiences and growth for Brendon. My last resort is to remember that he will be back next summer when the program is over. Notwithstanding these truths, it is still difficult to grasp that he is gone. Sometimes I wish I could see that giggly little boy again that struggled to sit up without falling over.

Life Exuberant

Last week I went on a hike into the Sawtooth Wilderness of Idaho with the Discipleship in Action (DIA) students from my church. This hike was to provide the students with an opportunity to get to know each other better and was also part of their training which focuses on character development. Many of these young men and women had never experienced mountains like we had here in Idaho and for some this was the first time they had attempted such a strenuous hike.

By contrast, I started hiking soon after I was out of diapers. I have visited hundreds of alpine lakes in the wilderness areas of Oregon, Washington, and Idaho and logged thousands of miles on backcountry trails. So, I was going along to help out as a friendly guide. I hoped that perhaps I would have an opportunity to share some of my wisdom and be allowed to speak into the lives of some of these students. How odd it seemed to me later when I realized that it was me who was receiving so much from them.

I've spent so much time in the alpine wilderness that I sometimes take for granted the majesty of God's creation. Watching so many of these students taking it all in with wide-eyed wonder reminded me of how privileged I was and how great is my God. It was pure joy to listen to them talk excitedly about how grand the mountains were or how clear and beautiful the water in the lakes was.

There was one event that spoke to me most profoundly though. We were all gathered on the shore of Sawtooth Lake and I recalled when I was a young teenager on just such a hike with my youth group. I remembered how much fun we had jumping into the ice cold water so I started shedding clothes and prepared to get in and lead the way. I've never been one for jumping in so I stepped out about halfway to my knees and stood for a few seconds waiting for my feet to get numb. Instead, they started sending jolts of agony up my spine as the icy tentdrils of the glacier fed lake stabbed into my flesh. I couldn't get out of the water fast enough. I tried a few more times and then confessed my defeat. Maybe it was just the seed that was needed though because one of the students (Cory) made her way down to the shore, perched on a rock, and then took the plunge.

Cory came up out of the water hollering with delight and after she got out and stood on the shore she encouraged the others to try it. As they came down to the water she gave them this wisdom: "Don't let your feet touch the water or you will feel how cold it is and lose your courage. Just get on the rock and jump in." What an incredible picture of faith. I knew the water was going to be cold and I was willing to make some sacrifice but I needed to know ahead of time how cold it was going to be. I needed to analyze it, measure it, and prepare myself for it. Once I took time to assess the cost I lost heart and allowed fear to overcome me. Some of the other students worked up the courage to jump in and others gathered close by to thinking about it so Cory dispensed some more wisdom: "Take someone's hand and do it together. It's easier if you do it with someone else." Indeed it is. That is the power of community. God designed us to live in community like this so that we could build each other up and do even greater things, things that we might not be able to accomplish on our own.

Sometimes we need encouragement from someone like Cory to rise up to the challenges in our lives and sometimes we need the shocking cold of glacier water to make us feel truly alive. And sometimes we need a slice of humble pie.

Live Like No One Else

A few months ago I read Dave Ramsey's Book, "The Total Money Makeover" because I had heard so much about him from people who had attended Financial Peace University (FPU). I thought it was pretty good but frankly it didn't meet the expectations that Dave Ramsey aficionados had helped me set. But, I was still intrigued so I watched a couple of the FPU videos.

Wow!

I can see now why Dave has had such an amazing impact on so many people. His energetic and charismatic delivery of financial wisdom leaves you feeling like there really is hope for your financial situation no matter how bad it is. Encouragement of this sort is hard to come by. I left feeling good about some of the wise financial choices I had made in the past and motivated to move myself to the next level by dealing with the poor decisions and completely getting rid of debt so that I can live the life God intended. I've done a good job saving for retirement and giving to God's Kingdom but I've done a less than stellar job of spending wisely, saving for a rainy day, and managing debt.

Dave's guiding principle is: If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.

If you're looking for another get-rich-quick scheme then Dave is not your guy. If you want to learn what it's going to take to have financial peace and you're willing to roll up your sleeves and get to work then he'll give you a step-by-step plan to do so and provide you with the tools to make it happen. Some of Dave's wisdom seems to defy logic. For example, he suggests that you pay of the smallest debts first and then apply the payments from the smaller debt to the next larger. He calls this process the "Debt Snowball". My analytical alerts instantly went off when I read that because logic would suggest that you pay off the debt with the largest interest rate first since it makes more fiscal sense. Other financial advisors I have read in the past would agree. Dave's position is that if you were smart then you probably wouldn't be in debt in the first place. Instead, he proposes that we are emotional beings not purely logical ones and the reward of paying off the smaller debt is what motivates us to tackle the next one. It's hard to argue against that.

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:7 that "…the borrower is the slave of the lender." Dave continually points out just how true this is. I find myself in a position right now where my debt is keeping me in bondage because it is preventing me from being able to make a transition from a secular vocation to ministerial one. Furthermore, it is a source of stress recently due to the uncertainty of my current job. There's not much peace or joy to be found in my current financial position.

I don't agree with Dave on everything though. In fact, I somewhat disagree with the meaning that he pours into the "later you can live like no one else" part of his principle. Although Dave is a strong proponent of tithing first, he seems to have few qualms about what is done with any money left over after you have met your saving and giving objectives. I struggle with this. I can't forget Jesus' admonition to the rich you man: "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Matthew 19:21 What a hard truth. This is one of those passages that read pretty clearly but we decide to add a lot of shades of gray to. For myself I mean that I create certain boundaries in my mind and call one side righteous and the other side sin. For example, I have certain ideas about what an acceptable car, house, or vacation is right for a Christian and what would be an unacceptably greedy choice. So, in reality it seems I have just drawn a line in a different place than Dave has. I might be more comfortable with Dave's views on this subject if there was perhaps a bit more emphasis on what the Bible teaches about Christian giving. Maybe the deal is that I'm doing poorly at giving out of my need and I'm wanting a Dave Ramsey to encourage and motivate me there too.

In summary, recommend Dave's books and I highly recommend Financial Peace University to anyone who wants to effectively manage their finances. If you don't want to be in a position in your retirement where you are forced to get your recipes from "101 Ways to Cook With Alpo" then a dose of Dave might be a good idea for you. I've already got my emergency fund established and am working away on the debt snowball. I want to be free to serve the Kingdom and leave a legacy for my son and future grandchildren. I want to experience financial peace. Don't you?

My First Baptism

This past Sunday I got to perform my first baptism. It was an experience that I am still savoring. I am so often caught up in all the busyness of life that I forget what it is really all about, namely, ushering people into God’s Kingdom. And this was it. This was the real deal. All of life’s other distractions were put on the shelf for a while as I focused on the eternally important.

Our church gathered along the shore of the Boise river where we conduct baptisms each year in August for those that want to experience it in an ice cold river. I waded out into the frigid water with the other members of our church staff and helped the pastors with a few baptisms. There was a lot of excitement as each person was lowered into the water and then raised up to the accolades of the family and friends.

And then there stood before me a young man who had just started coming to church at the invitation of a friend. He explained to us that he had accepted Jesus as his savior and wanted to be obedient to God’s command to be baptized. He wanted all that this newfound life in the Kingdom had to offer. We talked with him about the significance of baptism and then prayed over him. Though he was shaking with cold, a bit of nervousness, or both, he turned with gladness and assumed the position of one who is about to die. He held his nose with one hand and his elbow with the other as I spoke an invocation over him and we lower him down into the watery grave that symbolizes that we are dead and buried with Christ. And then we raised him up to walk in new life as his fiancée, friends, and family cheered for him.

What a privilege I thought, to be able to share such a profound event with someone. Lord, I pray that I will never take such things for granted. May I always feel awe at the profound mysteries of your Kingdom.

Passage to Manhood (Part 2)

In this second (and final) installment on my son's passage to manhood I'd like to talk about the upcoming part of his jouney. In one month Brendon will leave home and set out on his own for the first time. I remember well the day that I left home and all of the trepidation that went along with it. Brendon's situation is quite different from my own, however. My first day out of my childhood home was my honeymoon night, whereas Brendon will be leaving for Olympia, Washington to attend a Christian character development school called Anthem that is run at the Church of Living Water.

Until a few years ago I was totally unfamiliar with the concept of a Christian character development school. The closest approximations I was aware of were Youth With a Mission's (YWAM) programs: Discipleship Training School (DTS) and School of Biblical Studies (SBS) which were, at the time, largely run on autonomous bases. However, one of our associate pastors, my friend Chad Estes, was looking into a program called Master's Commission that he was thinking about running at Vineyard Boise. This was my first exposure to these types of programs which are run onsite at a local church. Anthem was originally a Master's Commission program but later changed its vision and name. Pastor Chad ultimately decided to design his own program, currently called Discipleship in Action (DIA) which is part of the Vineyard College of Mission

Here is how Anthem describes itself:

Anthem at Living Water is a leadership development program designed to empower and instruct young adults who are passionate about following Jesus and pursuing lives of meaning and ministry. Anthem is a full-time, immersion discipleship program where students are plunged into three pools of learning: hands-on training, curricular studies and personal discipleship.

I am elated that Brendon has decided to commit at least a year of his life toward pursuing what God has for him at Anthem. It was not an easy decision for him. There were some significant financial pressures for him as well as the urge to "get his life started" and enroll in college with his friends to begin pursuing his career. Initially, Sharon and I had suggested that he consider going to DIA because Brendon was having trouble deciding whether to pursue his true passion (music) or getting a more sensible degree in business. He thought about it but decided that his desire to get out of Boise for a while outweighed his desire to attend DIA. Later, his cousin Kelsey told him about Anthem and he was much more interested. In the end Brendon decided to go because he became convinced that it was God's will for him, not because he was necessarily sold-out on the idea himself or because he parents were twisting his arm. Well done son!

I am very excited to see what God does in Brendon's life this next year. What an incredible blessing he will have to spend a year in a discipleship community exploring and honing his talents as a guitar player/songwriter and building relationships with like-minded individuals.

We are all especially grateful for Brendon's great-grandparents, Vic and Fern Prosch, and his grandparents, Bob and Becky Prosch, for their financial support which has made it possible for Brendon to go to Anthem. Thank you Lord Jesus for a family who understands the importance of leaving a legacy and is willing to give of themselves and for other friends and family who have invested in Brendon throughout his life.

Passage to Manhood (Part 1)

I've been wanting to write something about my son for several weeks and have been letting various ideas germinate. This past few days a couple of friends of mine wrote about a young man's passage to manhood which brought to mind a similar experience that my son and I shared last year. During our church's men's retreat last fall God put it on my heart to recognize my son's passage to manhood. I believe strongly in the importance of a father formally recognizing his son as a man, so I took some time to sit down and write out my thoughts and obtained permission from the retreat coordinators to spend a few minutes and publicly perform a rite of passage for my son.

Here is what I read to my son in the presence of the men gathered there:

My son, there comes a time in every dad's life when he has to let go of his little boy and embrace him as a man. The passage to manhood is a transition that takes time and does not happen overnight. I do believe, however, that it is important for every young man to know the point at which his father recognizes him as a man.

Brendon, for you this time has come and, therefore, I would like to acknowledge before God and before these men gathered here today that I consider you to be a man. May you always remember that on October, 21st, 2006 at Trinity Pines you passed from childhood to manhood.

I have spent the last twenty years of my life preparing for you and raising you to the Glory of God. Please forgive my many failings when I did not adequately model for you the father heart of God. I would pay nearly any price to go back in time and play games with my little boy one more time. Those moments can never be recaptured, only remembered. My heart's desire now is that we have a deep, lasting, intimate friendship for the remainder of our lives together.

Son, there is no greater aspiration in life than for a man to seek after God and to walk in in His perfect will. My hope for you is that you will do this wholeheartedly for the remainder of your days. I am so proud of you for your love for God and your passion to serve Him in the area of worship ministry.

Brendon, are you ready to receive the mantle of manhood and the responsibilities that come with it?

Then I give you my blessing and charge you to serve God faithfully and to love those He places in your life with all of your heart. My continuing commitment to you is to be your father, friend and mentor for the remainder of my life and to provide for you and your family a legacy that will bless you.

I pass on to you this verse as it was given to me by your Grandfather Davis: Psalm 32:8 - I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Lord, I pray that you will empower these words to take root in our hearts. Give us wisdom that we might seek you first in all that we do and grant us the strength to do it. Bless my son in all that he does for your glory. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Brendon's passage to manhood was greeted with much applause and cheering and we both shed a few tears. I will always remember and cherish that moment when we stood face to face for the first time together as men.

Since the retreat Brendon's journey into manhood has continued. He celebrated his eighteenth birthday, graduated from high school, bought (and repaired) his first car, and made plans for his continuing education. These and other experiences have challenged and molded him this past year into a fine young man of which I am very proud. God has richly blessed me through Brendon.

Soon my son will enter the next chapter of his life and my role will change. I look forward to it with great anticipation. I can't wait to see what God does with his life.

The Hands of the Surgeon

I am sitting in the waiting room of the surgery center of St. Luke’s Medical Center as I write this blog. My son Brendon, is having his sixth and, hopefully, final reconstructive surgery on his cleft lip and palate. The purpose of this surgery is to move and rebuild his nose and, hopefully, to perform some final plastic surgery on his lip if everything else goes well.

Sometimes I ask God why but mostly I thank him that we live in a day and age in which our son can receive the best medical treatment available and that we have the means to provide it for him.

As parents, our hearts have ached many times for the pain that we have watched our son go through. There is the physical pain of the surgeries themselves but there is also the deeper emotional pain experienced by a young boy who has always been very sociable and yet who has had to struggle so hard to be accepted in social circles that find it difficult to look past the exterior differences.

Often I look at Brendon’s cosmetic handicap and wish it were not so and yet I wouldn’t trade it for the world if it was a necessary part of who he is today. Perhaps God, in his infinite wisdom, knew that this circumstance was just what was needed as he was sculpting Brendon into the young man that he is today. After Brendon was admitted to surgery we went across the street to have breakfast with Sharon’s parents and during our conversation I commented that he is one of the finest young men that I know. Yes, he has his imperfections, like all of us, but they are, shall we say, cosmetic.

I am so thankful for the friends and family that have surrounded us with love and support throughout the years. Most notably, I am thankful for Sharon’s parents, Ted and Shelia Davis, who have traveled thousands of miles and sacrificed hundreds of hours of their time to be present with us for every single one of Brendon’s surgeries.

As the surgery is underway I pray: “Lord Jesus, guide the hands of the surgeon that you have prepared for this occasion. Let the outcome be good and let Brendon have a quick recovery with minimal pain and complications. Give him peace during his healing time and draw him closer to you. Thank you Lord for blessing me with such a great son and for blessing us with so many loving friends and family. Amen.”

The Tale of the Armor Bearer

I sat at the very back of the crowd and listened intently as Sir Knightly spoke to the men gathered around him. He spoke about the challenges of being a real warrior and told us stories of other great men of valor. He spoke with confidence and passion as the sun glinted off of his armor in the early morning. He also shared with us his own experiences. He inspired us with stories of his own victories and tempered us with tales of his defeats. We learned from him that a true warrior is not measured so much by the outcome as he is by his conduct during the battle; most importantly, his obedience to the will of his Lord.

We were a mixed lot. Some among us were warriors and others had never so much as lifted a blade to fight for The Kingdom. It was obvious to me that many there had suffered major defeats that had left them terribly wounded. I considered myself a warrior in my own right, though not as great as Sir Knightly. He had many great titles whereas I had earned only a few of lesser significance. I was not ashamed. Not all are called to be great warriors like Sir Knightly. However, I still secretly hoped that one day I would be freed from my other obligations that I too might pursue such noble causes. Not for the titles and the glory mind you but for the good of The Kingdom. Yes, I too can succumb to pride but I tell you honestly, after much introspection, that my motivations in this are pure. But, I digress.

It had been a challenging few days for all of us. Sir Knightly had been teaching us about the way of the warrior. At first, many of the things he had us do seemed very strange and we did not understand. Later, we began to comprehend as we saw the results of his training. We became men of one heart. The stories he shared also seemed to be carefully selected to highlight the important points that he was trying to teach us. I recall one story he told us about a man who was a warrior of no significance until much later in life. This man's son had been crippled from birth but had a brave heart and wished to go into battle with his father. The warrior knew that it would be no easy task to undertake such an endeavor but undertake it he did and without so much as flinching. Because of his great valor, he became a great warrior in the eyes of many men, us included, and, no doubt, in the eyes of his son. This story was particularly inspiring to me because it showed me that a man can choose a different path even if it is late in his life. Though I am not old, I had sometimes felt that I must remain on the road I had chosen rather than choosing another, but no longer.

I counted myself fortunate among the men gathered there for I had sat under the tutelage of some very great warriors, Sir Knightly being one of them. I had also had the opportunity in recent years to fight alongside him in some small skirmishes and to help him in his endeavors to train others. I had learned a great deal from Sir Knightly. After seeing what a great warrior he was I would not be surprised if a few of those men even envied me my familiarity with him.

As Sir Knightly concluded his training he read to us a story from The Word. It was a story about a great warrior named Jonathan and his armor bearer. Together they slew an entire camp of foes after being given a signal from their Lord. At first I thought he was inspiring us to greatness with another story of valor but instead he sought to teach us of humility and servanthood. "You see, all great warriors have need of an armor bearer." His words rung in my heart. The message was clear to me. A true warrior must, at times, depend on others. And, also, a true warrior must, at times, serve others. Sir Knightly then began to name some men who were his armor bearers. These were not mere farmers with pitchforks mind you. These were great warriors in their own right. And then, a most perplexing thing happened. Sir Knightly looked across the crowed and locked his eyes with mine and named me as one of his armor bearers.

I must confess to you that I went numb. My eyes brimmed with tears then (and now) by the honor he had just given me and yet I did not feel worthy of such a great title. I suppose there are many men who would consider such a thing their due and, perhaps, others who would be insulted to be called someone's armor bearer. A number of thoughts went through my sorry head. I began to wonder if maybe he had felt obligated to name me so since I was there and had served alongside him recently. I quickly realized though that such a thought demeaned both Sir Knightly and myself. I also remembered that Sir Knightly had recently recommended to me that I attend a special training program which I had declined because of the cost it would present to me and because, in my arrogance, I did not see the value of the training myself nor did I trust Sir Knightly enough to accept his judgment in the matter. After what I had experienced in those few days I committed that I would attend the training. And so I accepted in my heart the honor Sir Knightly had bestowed upon me and set out to understand the duties and responsibilities of an armor bearer.

It was some time before Sir Knightly called upon me to bear his armor but call upon me he did. We met at a local establishment to enjoy a drink together and as soon as Sir Knightly stepped through the door I could tell that he had been in a battle and that it had not gone well. His armor looked very worn and, if I may be so bold to suggest it, even a bit dingy. I wasn't sure if Sir Knightly wanted to talk about the battle so I shared with him some details of a small conflict I was currently involved in that was not going well. Apparently this made him feel at ease and he asked me to help him with his armor. As he began to take it off I was amazed by the wounds underneath. This was the second battle he had fought recently in this campaign and both had left him sorely wounded. While I helped him with his armor he told me of the battle and how he had received the wounds and I winced as I shared in his pain.

It takes a great deal of trust for a great warrior such as Sir Knightly to remove his armor in the presence of another when he is in such a weakened state. I was honored that he would extend such trust to me. I did what I could to tend to his wounds. The only insight I could offer was that he talk to his commander to ensure that he understood his orders and that he had his full support. I also suggested that he focus on the strategic aspects of the campaign instead of fighting tactical battles. Then, I helped him don his armor and sought to clean it up a bit. The condition of a warrior's armor often reflects more than his outward experiences and I felt that this was the case with Sir Knightly. Thus, I reminded him of his many great victories and asked him to consider how many lives had been affected by the outcome of his battles and his training of others for battle. Sir Knightly appeared to be heartened by this and as he bid me good bye I felt confident that he had trained me well and that I had borne his armor with diligence.

I met again with Sir Knightly a bit later and he indicated that he had spoken with his commander and that the future prospects of the campaign looked much better. I could tell by the look of his armor and his outward demeanor that he was once again ready for battle. I continue to be impressed by his seemingly endless commitment and passion. Wherever you are Sir Knightly you are in my prayers. Excelsior!

A.B.

What Color is Your Cross?

A couple of years ago I made a trip down to New Orleans to spend a week helping with the disaster relief efforts. One thing I remember from that trip was how disillusioned people were with the Red Cross' ability to respond to their plight. I frequently heard people remark that they hadn't received any kind of aid at all outside of the grassroots efforts organized by local religious organizations. Some of these people felt even more let down because they had made contributions to the Red Cross. It's not my intention to disparage the Red Cross here but I'm taking an opportunity to illustrate the point that I'm eventually going to get to.

Recently, I had my own disappointing experience with Blue Cross, my medical insurance carrier. In August of 2006 we initiated a pre-approval process for a surgical procedure that my son, Brendon, needed as part of his cleft lip/palate reconstructive surgery process. Little did I know that it would end up being a year long ordeal. To make long story shorter, we initially thought the surgery would be covered then later, when we asked for something in writing, we learned that it would not be. Numerous letters were exchanged between Blue Cross, several doctors, my company's benefits department, and ourselves. We never did get pre-approval and after the surgery was performed some bills were paid and others were not. When I questioned Blue Cross about the inconsistencies they responded that they had made a mistake and I would have to reimburse them the money that I had already forwarded to the medical service providers. Basically, it looked like we were on the hook for $30k+ or some ugly litigation.

So here we have two organizations who chose a cross as their symbol. Two organizations on which our earthly lives have some significant dependence and to which we gladly contribute our finances in the hope that when we need them they will be there for us. And, ultimately, two organizations that, in my experience have let people down. In stark contrast stands the Cross of Christ. I'm not sure what color it was - probably some shade of brown - but I do know that I can depend on it completely. It may not be there to pay my bills or bring me food and water when disaster strikes but the One who died on it will give me everything I truly need in this life. And, finally, when the day comes when I stand before my Creator to give an account for my life, that old rugged cross will be the only thing I can depend on. I have no doubt whatsoever that my trust in it will be well placed.

(In all fairness to Blue Cross, they did eventually agree to pay most of the costs of the surgery a few weeks ago. I'm going to give thanks to the One with the brown, wooden cross though.)

Software Review: Mozy

This utility is so fantastic it’s almost too good to be true. Mozy lets you backup up to 2GB of your data absolutely free and it’s very simple to install and use. If you need more storage then you can subscribe to Mozy’s unlimited plan for $4.95/month.

I use it to backup my My Documents folder. The only problem I had was that I had over 2GB of data there and I wanted to use the free plan. So, I had to move my music collection to another location. A little bit of a pain but it’s worth it to know that I’ll never lose any of my critical data. If you have a lot of stuff like pictures and such that you don’t want to worry about losing then the unlimited plan is probably your best bet.

The Mozy software runs every night and creates a backup of any documents that have changed since the previous backup was performed. These are stored on Mozy’s servers so you won’t be using up any disk space. The data transfer is encrypted and access is password protected so it is safe and secure.

If you aren’t doing nightly backups you should be and this is one of the best solutions around.

Why Blog?

The other day a friend asked me why I blog. Specifically, he was wondering why someone would want to keep on online diary where they record all kinds of personal details about their life that the world can read.

I suppose there are as many answers to that question as there are people who are blogging. Undoubtedly with some common purposes. Some people blog for a specific reason only and others blog for practically no reason at all. Perhaps the latter are just doing it because they perceive that everyone else is.

When I started blogging about six months ago, I wasn't totally sure why I wanted to, I just had a few notions. Primarily, I had enjoyed reading my friends' blogs and thought maybe I'd give it a try since it seemed like a good way of letting people know what was going on in my life. After having done it a while I have a lot of value in the process so I thought I'd take a moment to share my experiences with blogging.

The value of self examination: For me, the most valuable aspect of blogging has been the self examination process. I usually spend a few days thinking about what I am going to blog before I ever pick up the electronic pen. Then, I usually spend a good deal of time deciding what to say and how to say it. For me it's somewhere between an editorial column and a diary. I can't be completely transparent but I do want to be authentic. In other words, there are things that I shouldn't say because they are either too personal for a public forum or they are inappropriate because they involve revealing details about another person. Overall, I find the process of putting thoughts and feelings into words that I want to communicate to my audience to be very therapeutic. I also find myself thinking about a lot of things in my life as if I were going to put them on my blog. I bet there are five entries in my head for every one I have actually written. This is a good thing because I find myself analyzing my experiences, feelings, and behaviors in a lot more detail.

The value of authentic sharing: Initially I thought the blog would be a good way to share what was going on in my life with my friends and family. I had planned to write factual information about noteworthy events. Instead, I found that I preferred to go beyond the events and describe my experiences. I wanted to share how I felt or what I had learned. I wanted to give some value to my readers. If you've followed my blog you know that I am of the opinion that there is great value in sharing from my heart; value for myself and for others. The feedback I have received on the blog, both online and off, has reinforced my perspective.

The value of written memoirs: The blog has become somewhat of a story of my life. I have found myself referring back to various entries several times to remind myself how I felt about something or to simply recapture the experience so I could apply it to new events. A surprising feature of the blog is the power of the written word. There have been several times where I have been challenged by circumstances in my life to shrink away from commitments I had made and the knowledge that I did it publicly on my blog has kept me on course even better than my personal written goals. On a side note I also think it's a rather cool thing to have available to give to new friends to accelerate the "getting to know each other" process.

I've learned a lot about myself over the last six months (I hope others have too). I've leaned that I care about what people think of me more than I thought I did. I suppose that is both good and bad. Sometimes I agonize over what to say or how to say it. Am I being too transparent? Am I being misleading by leaving out a questionable detail? Can I be that vulnerable? Sometimes I wanted to write something but stopped myself because I felt like I'd posted too much that week and was afraid people would get tired of reading if I wrote too much (Henceforth I won't be letting that stop me). I've had to work through a lot of these feelings and I think it has afforded me the opportunity to get to know myself better and increased my ability to relate to others.

Shortly after I started my blog I added an email subscription and Feedburner tracking which allowed me to see how many hits my blog got and how many subscribers I had. I kept checking to see who had subscribed and how many hits I had. At first I was a bit disturbed by my own reactions. Why did I care so much? One thing that I noticed was that there was a very low subscription response from my close family and friends abroad; the very people who complained they never knew what was going on in my life. I was a bit hurt by this. I also noticed that people who lived close and saw me regularly, even some who didn't have a very close relationship with me, were much more interested in my blog. Interesting… I've also seen hits from people all over the world and have no idea who they are. Even more interesting…

So, I intend to keep doing this. It's unlikely I'll ever be a world famous blogger and that's just fine. I wouldn't want that kind of pressure. But, it's fun and I am getting value out of it. Hopefully, you are too. Thanks for reading.

Thinking of my Dad

My dad entered retirement several weeks ago and moved to Kwajalein (a tropical atoll in the South Pacific - see picture) where he will live for the next two years. His wife, Becky, will work as an RN in the local hospital while she finishes up her working years and jumps on the retirement bandwagon herself. Becky’s son and daughter-in-law live there as well. Visiting them a couple of times in the past few years is what inspired them to be adventurous and move there.

It sounds to me like the perfect way to start one’s retirement. Doing a little fishing, scuba diving, or just basking in the sun with a good book and a cold drink while your wife works... I’m so jealous. But, I’m also overjoyed for him. If anyone deserves such a life, he does.

When I was four years old my mother left my sister and I with her parents and set out to start a new life. In the meantime my dad struggled to pay off the debts she left him with while he establish his new life as a bachelor. He went to work for Boise Cascade in La Grande, Oregon where he worked faithfully for the next 40 years. My sister and I visited my dad regularly and after three years he decided to do something almost unheard of in those days. He went to court and filed for custody of his children. After an unpleasant legal battle, he won, which was not something easily done by a single father back in the early 1970’s.

My dad did what any loving father should do. He set aside his personal goals and ambitions for his own life and sacrificed himself for his children. And yet, to me, it is somewhat remarkable because it is a dedication so rarely exhibited by fathers in our present culture. I often wonder what my life would be like today if my dad had not chosen to do the right thing. My maternal grandparents were good people too and I am sure they would have done their best to take care of be but had I lived with my mother later in life I’m not sure where my moral compass would be pointing today. Dad would agree that he was not a perfect father (neither am I) but he tried to do what was right and instill Christian values in his children. His commitment and financial support continued until I had completed college and I know that if I needed help to this day I would only have to ask.

Today I think of my dad not only as my father but as my very best friend. He left for me a great legacy by showing me what it means to be a dad. These lessons didn’t come by means of lecture so much as they did through actions motivated by love. I remember playing games together as a family or eagerly anticipating the next episode of Mission Impossible on Friday nights. If the budget allowed it, we’d splurge and get a bottle of pop and some ice cream. Then there were all the hunting, fishing, and backpacking trips where I learned courage and self-sufficiency. These times together were priceless and I miss them. This is going to be a long two years…

So here’s to you dad! I thank God for you and I thank you for all that you sacrificed for me. I will endeavor to leave a legacy that builds on the one you have given me as my son continues his journey into manhood. I hope that you will enjoy your retirement and be satisfied that you made a difference in this world with your life which is far from over. I look forward to seeing what you do with the rest of it and can’t wait to see you again!

The Pruning Axe

The axe fell yesterday at my company (Micron Technology, Inc.). Although a lot of good people lost their jobs, it looks like I will be able to retain mine for now. I felt like I needed to say something in my blog since I mentioned that I was struggling with this issue. Now that I am on the other side I am not sure what to say. There are a lot of thoughts and emotions behind them.

I was very relieved that it was not me that was laid off but I was saddened for those who were. They were people like me with families, financial obligations, and future plans. Some of them I have worked with for years. The company will be poorer without them.

The future of the industry and Micron are uncertain. It is obvious that Micron cannot continue with “business as usual” and will have to make significant changes in order to compete against companies in foreign markets with lower labor costs, litigation costs, etc. The handwriting on the wall would seem to suggest that a lot of jobs will be outsourced to lower cost providers both domestic and foreign. My personal speculation is that the future for operational jobs is grim. It just doesn’t seem likely that Micron will invest the dollars necessary to upgrade the Boise fabs to make them cost competitive. Eventually the fabs will become too costly to operate, resulting in more lost jobs which would really hurt the local economy. Boise is just too small to easily absorb such a significant loss of jobs.

One thing that I have learned from this is the necessity of embracing change. Like companies, people need to be able to adapt to change. When we don’t we lose our effectiveness. To personalize it: I need to embrace change. I’ve always felt very secure in my profession but now I realize more than ever that nothing is certain. In fact, it is very uncertain and I must make changes to adapt to a shifting market.

More importantly, I’ve been reminded that I must depend more on God and less on myself. As with Job, I recognize that all I own and depend on for my security can be suddenly swept away. Only my relationship with God is lasting and worthy of my dependence. I can trust in Him to supply all of my needs.

Vision and Reality

This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life. I know I've been quite an Eeyore lately but I am finding that putting my thoughts and emotions into words is helping me though these trials. I also hope that others will find value in what I share. So, here is my list:

• 
  Since my company announced layoffs last week I have gone to work each day wondering if it would be my last. The axe is looming above our heads and life at the office has been rather gloomy.


• 
  I've been struggling with my insurance company to get coverage for my son's surgery six months ago. The total is nearly $30K and I am beginning to wonder if they will cover any of it. They have been reprocessing the portions they initially covered to deny it and the bills are stacking up.


• 
  My son is preparing to move away for college and needs financial assistance for that as well as for his car which broke down right after we bought it.


• 
  There are some significant relational strugges in my immediate family that have left me raw emotionally.

Any one of these would be difficult by itself. All of them coming at onces seems insurmountable. Last night I threw my hands in the air and cried out, "God, why are you doing this to me? What lesson do you want me to learn? I can't take any more!"

This morning I believe God answered that cry of my heart through the daily devotional reading from Oswald Chambers' book, "My Utmost for His Highest". I include it here:

Vision and Reality

"And the parched ground shall become a pool." Isaiah 35:7

We always have visions, before a thing is made real. When we realize that although the vision is real, it is not real in us, then is the time that Satan comes in with his temptations, and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation.

God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we will have patience. Think of the enormous leisure of God! He is never in a hurry. We are always in such a frantic hurry. In the light of the glory of the vision we go forth to do things, but the vision is not real in us yet; and God has to take us into the valley, and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the place where He can trust us with the veritable reality. Ever since we had the vision God has been at work, getting us into the shape of the ideal, and over and over again we escape from His hand and try to batter ourselves into our own shape.

The vision is not a castle in the air, but a vision of what God wants you to be. Let Him put you on His wheel and whirl you as He likes, and as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out exactly in accordance with the vision. Don't lose heart in the process. If you have ever had the vision of God, you may try as you like to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never let you.

===

"Lord, please forgive me for my irreverent attitude last night. Thank you for answering me and showing me that you have a purpose and that what you are doing is necessary. Help me to trust in you more and set aside my worry. Thank you for speaking so lovingly to me through my wife. Help me to be a blessing to her. In Jesus' name - Amen."

Movie Review: Evan Almighty

Last week I went to see Evan Almighty with my family and I really enjoyed the movie. I went expecting the typical Hollywood treatment of all things Christian but instead was pleasantly surprised. There were a couple of lines I could have done without but overall it had a good message. I am somewhat perplexed by the response of some prominent Christian leaders. While the movie was certainly not theologically sound, it was still a great contemporization of a prominent Bible story that gives us some significant insight into the life of Noah and his family.

Normally, I wouldn’t bother to blog about a movie like this but there was one scene in particular that I thought made the entire movie worth my time and money.

*** WARNING – Mild spoiler ahead ***

At one point in the movie God appears to Evan’s wife as a restaurant worker named Al Mighty. She is having trouble coming to grips with her husband’s calling as a modern day Noah so God reminds her of a prayer she had prayed previously:

"When you pray for patience, does God just give you patience? Or does He give you opportunity to be patient? When you pray for courage, does He give you courage or opportunity to be courageous? And, when you pray for your family to become closer, does God just zap you with warm fuzzy feelings or does He give you opportunity to become close?"

Wow. If we could actually apprehend and comprehend the mountain of truth in those words it could be life changing for us. Perhaps God can even use Hollywood to communicate His truth to a culture hungry for His touch.

Lord, I too pray that you would give me patience, courage, and a closer family.

The Beginning of Faith is the End of Worry

Yesterday the rumors became a reality at my company and a formal announcement was made that there would be restructuring and also some inevitable layoffs. I went to work this morning wondering if I would have a job or a severance package when I got there. I learned today that I still have a job for now but my department will be affected significantly over the next few weeks and months by layoffs and outsourcing. I don't do well with this kind of stress. I am conservative and risk adverse. Here are some of the things that went through my mind in no certain order:

· How will I pay the bills?
· Will I be able to find a job in Boise or will I be forced to move?
· How will I pay for the school I have committed to sending my son to next year?
· Should I get second mortgage while I can and consolidate the medical bills?
· How will I afford internet access?
· How much do I need to live on?
· Will I lose my house?
· How can I provide for my family?
· What does this mean for my plans to enter the ministry?
· What is God wanting to teach me?
· Where is God?

Amidst all the stress and anxiety I kept trying to remember my identity as a Christian and how I am supposed to behave. It seemed my head and my heart were at war within me. In my mind I kept replaying a quote my wife sent me recently: "The beginning of worry is the end of faith and the beginning of faith is the end of worry." Those kind of quotes just seem so wonderful until you are in the midst of life's struggles. There was another thought that I kept having that was not so hopeful: "The God that I am putting my faith in is the same God that let all but one of the disciples die for their faith." I didn't like the odds.

I want a God made in my image. I want one that I can depend on to fix my problems when they arise. After all, isn't that what gods are for? Oops, I seem to have lost a capital "G" there. Doesn't God want me to be happy and prosperous? Maybe I should memorize all those happy scriptures that line up with my egocentric theology and join the First Church of Prosperity. In fact, this whole mess is God's fault. If I had saved more money instead of tithing I'd be in a much better financial position. Don't I deserve God to rescue me since I've been so good to him?

Did I really think all those things? Well, no, I just threw the one about changing churches in for dramatic effect. I am ashamed to say that I did dwell on all of the others for a bit, however, I am not going to let those attitudes take root in my heart. I know that my God is much bigger than all of that. In fact, it may very well be that God is in the process of answering some of the prayers I have offered up to him. I remember one that I prayed just a few weeks ago that went something like this: "God, I pray that you will conform me to your image - no matter the cost. Make me into the person I need to be in order to take on the responsibilities of ministry. Give me a pastor's heart."

I am faced with a choice. I can become a victim of my circumstances and make everyone around me miserable by covering myself in sackcloth and ashes. Or, I can rise above my circumstances and trust in God to work his perfect will in my life. I can maximize the value of the trial by saying: "God, help me to learn from this and be a better husband, father, friend, and colleague through it. Thank you for loving me enough to throw me into the refiner's fire."

I choose the latter and I ask you to hold me accountable to that. Thanks to Sharon, Chad, Trevor, and A.W. Tozer for your love and your wisdom when I needed it.

Book Review: Practicing Greatness

I've read a lot of books on leadership but rarely have I come across one that delves so deeply to the core of what makes a truly great leader. If you're looking for a book that will help you with the mechanics of organization or time management then look elsewhere. If, instead, you want to understand those aspects of a spiritual leader that make them worthy of following then I heartily recommend Reggie McNeal's book, "Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders".

You can read the reviews on Amazon or other sites but to whet your appetite here are the seven disciplines:

• 
  The discipline of self-awareness—the single most important body of information a leader possesses.


• 
  The discipline of self-management—handling difficult emotions, expectations, temptations, mental vibrancy, and physical well-being.
  


• The discipline of self-development—a life-long commitment to learning and growing and building on one's strengths.
  


• The discipline of mission—enjoying the permissions of maintaining the sense of God's purpose for your life and leadership.
  


• The discipline of decision-making—knowing the elements of good decisions and learning from failure.
  


• The discipline of belonging—the determination to nurture relationships and to live in community with others, including family, followers, mentors, and friends.
  


• The discipline of aloneness—the intentional practice of soul-making solitude and contemplation.
  

I've also read McNeal's book, "A Work of Heart : Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders" which I also found great value in. I'm looking forward to reading more books by this author and other books in the J-B Leadership Network Series.

Software Review: Foldershare

I don't know about you but in this age of technology and complexity when something comes along that simplifies things I get excited. And Foldershare is just such a "something".
I have a couple of computers at home, a laptop, and one at work. In addition, my wife has a computer at home, a laptop, and one at work. Each of us has files that we would like to keep synchronized across all of our own computers and sometimes we like to share them with each other. There are even times when we are at a computer that is not our own and we would like to have access to our files. And that is exactly the problem that Foldershare solves. All you have to do is have your computer connected to the internet. As soon as you update a document it will be updated on your other computers as well (assuming you have configured the folder for Foldershare updating). You can also synchronize your browser's favorites.

Wow! And you get all that for $0 (at least for now).

I've been using this for almost a year and I've never had a single problem. The only limitation I have run into is that there is a limit of 10k files per share. I exceeded that once and had to reorganize.

So, if you want a little something to make life easier then I suggest you download Foldershare and get it installed.

Building a Tower

Quote: "If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time." - Author Unknown

I've been working recently on a Seven Year Plan for my life. It has been a very challenging process. At first I thought it would be easy and that I just needed to put down the significant goal for my life (my Big Dream) and then a few steps that I would need to take to achieve it. However, it has proven to be a lot more involved than that. My goal is big so there are a lot of things I need to do to achieve it. Also, there are a lot of secondary considerations that don't relate directly to the goal but influence my ability to achieve it or the quality of life I will have at the end of the seven years.

So why am I doing this? Well, I met with the senior pastor (Tri Robinson) of my church recently to talk about my Big Dream and he suggested that a Seven Year Plan would be a good start. I didn't know exactly what a plan like this looked like so I did a little research on the internet. I found some good material and cobbled together my own format. My plan includes the following categories:

Spiritual, Personal, Relational, Ministry, Educational, Financial, Health, Vocational, Pleasure

I fretted for a while over the various categories but the list above works for me. Some of them are broken down into sub-categories. For example, the Relational category is broken down into Marriage, Family, and Friends. For now that’s about as deep as I want to go into the mechanics of the plan itself. What I really wanted to talk about is the value that I am getting from the process.

I was reminded of the alleged Harvard study that was conducted over a ten year time period. The findings of the study revealed that only 3% of the individuals in the study regularly committed their goals to writing and pursued them. The study also revealed that the net worth of that 3% exceed the remaining 97% ten years later. I don't know if the story is factual or not but I suspect that the message conveyed is true regardless. Every course I have taken that is designed to increase personal effectiveness has espoused the merits of written goals.
I also remembered the passage in Luke where Jesus talked about planning to build a tower:

Luke 14:25-33 - Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'
"Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

I looked that passage up and read it because I wanted to grasp the broader context. I was taken aback by what I read. Jesus used very strong language here to communicate the cost of discipleship. He gives us two examples of the necessity of planning and they are book ended by reminders of the cost of true discipleship. I must admit that sometimes my enthusiasm for ministry wanes. In fact, at times I am downright afraid of what it will cost me. And then I am reminded that nothing else matters. When this thought makes its way down into my heart I am at peace. If only I could trap it there and make it stay.

The plan helps to stay on course by reminding me where I am headed. I think I will also add some encouraging scriptures and thoughts to it that remind me why I need to stay on course.

Grafted into the Vineyard

Last week Sharon and I attended the Vineyard USA National Conference. I was honored that our church staff invited us to attend. At the same time, I was experiencing a bit of trepidation. You see, I previously had a lot of concerns about the whole Vineyard movement. In fact, when my wife and I moved to Boise eight years ago a Vineyard church was about the last place in the world I wanted to visit in search of a new church family. But my wife’s sister and her family were attending Vineyard Boise and they insisted that we at least give it a try. So we did and we fell in love with Vineyard Boise and Pastor Tri Robinson in short order. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that enamored me so quickly but I figured out later that it was the authenticity and commitment to be true disciples of Jesus.

The reason for our reservations was that we had personally experienced three churches in the Seattle area that had been affected by the “Toronto Blessing” which was conceived in the Vineyard (and subsequently shut down by its leadership). I won’t go into great detail here regarding our experiences but suffice it to say that we were two of many people who were wounded and disillusioned as a result of the unhealthy, imbalanced perspectives and behaviors resulting from it. Several of our friends and acquaintances walked away from the church as a result of these influences and have yet to return to church life to this day.

So, I went to the conference with high expectations of connecting more deeply with our church staff but I suspended judgment and set my expectations low for other aspects of the conference. I didn’t want to be disappointed. I am glad to report, however, that it was a great event. I saw and experienced a few weird things from some of the attendees that made me uncomfortable but the AVC leadership carried themselves in what I considered to be a very healthy and balanced manner. More importantly, I saw in the Vineyard movement the same deep commitment to the core values of the Christian faith and the same authenticity that I had experienced at Vineyard Boise.

I couldn’t be more proud to be a member of the AVC. The conference ended with a message from Bert Waggoner, AVC President, entitled “New Kingdom Horizon” that was the highlight of the conference for me. In this message he specifically addressed and laid to rest all of the concerns that I had. He also demonstrated the heart of God for this world and established a vision for how the Vineyard movement should walk in alignment with God’s purposes in the next 25 years. Rock on!

We all make mistakes, sometimes individually and sometimes corporately. I am proud to be a part of a church movement that can acknowledge its mistakes, learn from them, and move forward in greater maturity and unity.

[The train has left the station and I am on board!]

Musings on Mother's Day

I wrote a bulletin article for my church this Mother's Day that I thought I would share. Some of it is specific to goings on at Vineyard Boise but most of it is relevant to anyone:

I want to talk to you about three things today: Pursuing your dreams, Vineyard Leadership Institute, and Mother’s Day. It’s going to be challenging and fun to combine those three topics. Here we go…

Do you have a dream to serve God and share His love with others? I bet you do. I think God places a dream in all of us. Sometimes we refer to these dreams as a vision for our lives. Although the shapes of our dreams may differ, they are part of our spiritual DNA. Maybe you have followed your dream and are already realizing it. Or perhaps you, like many, have had your dream on a shelf for a long time and haven't been pursuing it - or you've followed after one dream but you now see a bigger one on the horizon.

We'll talk more about dreams later but for now I'd like to tell you a story about an amazing woman named Ann Maria Reeves Jarvis who followed her dreams. That's a really long name so let's just call her Ann for short. Ann was born in 1832 and was the daughter of a Methodist minister. She married the son of a Baptist minister when she was nineteen and gave birth to eleven children. Sadly, only four of them lived to adulthood. I can only imagine how painful those losses were for her. In fact, the deaths of her children motivated her to educate others and address some significant needs in her society. She was deeply troubled by the poor health and sanitation conditions in her community and felt God calling her to do something about it. At the age of twenty-six Ann grabbed hold of her dream and began to follow it.

The realization of Ann's dream was the founding of a community organization that provided health care essentials for the poor, especially children. The organization grew and many chapters were established in other communities. Despite the outbreak of civil war, Ann fought to ensure that her organization did not take sides and that it provided the same level of care to everyone no matter the color of their uniform. When typhoid fever and measles epidemics put her ideals to the test she passed with honors.

Despite her incredible civic efforts and responsibilities, Ann found time to serve in her church. When her church's building program was completed she became the assistant superintendent of the primary department of the church school and devoted twenty-five years serving in that capacity. Ann understood that education was of primary importance. She was considered an excellent teacher as well as a knowledgeable public speaker. One of Ann's surviving daughters, Anna, shared her mother's values for education and also became a teacher.

I'd like to ask you to stop for a moment and think about your dream. Maybe you already know what it is or maybe you need some time to recognize it. Do you have it in mind? Okay, now if that is truly a big dream then you probably realize that it's more than you are capable of taking on by yourself. It's funny how God works isn't it? You're going to have to depend on God and others to make that dream happen. It's also quite possible that you are going to need further training to assist you. The good news is that there are programs designed to meet your needs and they are available to you here at the Vineyard. If you are a young student then VCOM is your best course. However, if you are a working adult with a household and/or career then Vineyard Leadership Institute (VLI) might be exactly what you need to help you reach your full potential. Remember, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.”

VLI is a two-year, part-time, accredited (ACE), college level program (http://www.vli.org/). This excellent program was the dream of Steve Robbins, a Vineyard pastor from Southern California. You do not need to be a church planter or a pastor-in-training in order to qualify for VLI. I know from talking to some of you that this is a common misconception. What you do need is a heart to serve and to lead others. You will also need an abundance of commitment because this journey is going to result in a lot of growth and growth always takes effort. In VLI you will read and be taught through the entire Bible. I’ll bet a lot of you have always wanted to do this. The quality of instruction is excellent. You will have the privilege to learn from the best of the best. During VLI you will have an opportunity to learn who God created you to be. Your gifts and abilities will become much clearer to you as you put them to use and as you engage in real, hands-on ministry leadership in the church. You will also have the opportunity to be mentored personally and in small group settings in various areas of ministry leadership, some prescribed and some of your own personal choosing.

I’m getting excited just writing this and thinking to myself that you may be making a decision to pursue VLI at this very moment. My wife and I pursued a dream—we are VLI graduates. It was an enriching and life changing experience for both of us. I have also had the privilege of facilitating the weekly class for the past couple of years which has allowed me to see others finish the journey and pursue their dreams. I would encourage you to consider whether VLI might be the next step in your discipleship journey.

Here is a verse that harmonizes beautifully with the idea of being equipped to pursue your dream: Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I believe that life is not truly lived until it is lived for a purpose. That was essentially the message of Rick Warren's, "Purpose Driven Life" and why it had such a tremendous impact in our culture. I would invite you to take that concept and turn it into a reality. I hope that this is striking a chord in some of you. What would it be like if you could start living a life of purpose? If you think that VLI might help you do that then I invite you to simply note your interest on the v-mail in this bulletin and we will be in touch with you. You can also attend any of the VLI intensive weekends which are open to anyone. The next one is Team Building and it is a particularly good one. It will be held the evening of Friday, June 1st and finishes Saturday, June 2nd. Watch the bulletin for an announcement.

I like how songs capture ideas in poetic form that communicates with our hearts as well as our minds. Michael W. Smith wrote a song titled “Pursuit of the Dream” that I think has some insightful and passionate lyrics:

Wake up and dream about

The plans you have in store for you

But keep in mind

It's not just what you do

But what you do it for-and who

There are roads to discover

There are stories yet to be told

As you see the big picture

Just beginning to unfold

Now, let me weave Ann’s thread back in. You see, today is Mother’s Day and Ann is known as the Mother of Mother’s Day. Shortly after her death in 1905 her daughter Anne wanted to honor her mother and all mothers so she pursued that dream and a few years later it became a reality. Today we honor mothers across the U.S. and in several other countries because of these two ladies who pursued their dreams. Therefore I would invite you to pursue your God given dreams also. What could possibly be a better Mother’s Day gift than for you to live a life of purpose as you follow your dreams and add to your mother’s legacy?

To all of you mother’s I thank you for the blessing of life and I pray that you are blessed this day. Happy Mother’s Day!