Back to Basics - The Starbucks Church

I was very intrigued by an event that happened yesterday across our nation. At around 6:00 pm local time every Starbucks store in the U.S. was closed for approximately three hours so an estimated 135,000 employees could attend a back-to-basics training session. Their training consisted of watching a video message from Howard Shultz, their Chief Executive Barista, and being reminded of the simple yet important mechanics of brewing the perfect cup. They were also given a pep-talk and reminded of the importance of the customer experience.

I wouldn't consider myself a coffee connoisseur by any means and yet I would agree that Starbucks does deliver a consistently good 16-ounce-double-shot-mocha-hold-the-whip. I have a couple of friends who feel closer to God in a Starbucks than just about anywhere else. In fact, I meet with one of those friends at a local Starbucks every week. We used to meet at a Moxie Java that was walking distance for him but when a Starbucks opened up just down the street he insisted that we meet there instead even though it meant a good 5 minutes of additional drive time for us. The things we do for our friends...

I visited a Starbucks today because my wallet was too fat. Not with money, unfortunately, but rather with several plastic gift cards I'm still carrying from the holidays. I still had $1.35 on a Starbucks card that I needed to get rid of so I could thin down my wallet and avoid a trip to the chiropractor. My drink was perfect and my customer experience was good too. The barista greeted me with a smile and got my drink order started while I waited for the cashista to come to the register. I wanted to talk with him a bit about the training from the night before but, ironically, he was a little to busy to chat with the customers so I just got a few quick responses.

Part of the campaign was a new motto: "Your drink should be perfect, every time. If not, let us know and we'll make it right." I appreciate consistency and quality but in reality I'd put up with a lesser quality drink for a better overall customer experience. I'm sure that Howie reads my blog regularly so here are my suggestions for improvement:

• Turn down the freakin' music. When I go to Starbucks it's usually so I can visit with a friend. It would be really cool if I could actually hear them talk.
• Remove those torture devices you have around the tables and replace them with some comfortable chairs.
• Introduce America to Teh Tarik (pulled tea). You make a good Chai but if you added Teh Tarik to the menu... Dang!
  

I think closing the stores for this training was a bold move. I liked it and it made me wonder what it would be like if we did something similar in church. It seems that so many churches these days are compromising the basics in order to run their churches like a corporation. I understand the pressures that drive a church, especially larger ones, to be run more like a business. However, we can never afford to trade relational basics for a rigid corporate structure in a community of believers. Isn't this what Starbucks did? They slowly traded away the things that made them truly great in the first place and their customers began to seek out the smaller coffee houses with the atmosphere that Starbucks used to have before the advent of the automated machines. Before their employees became jaded assembly line workers that never knew the Starbucks that existed before it traded its culture for the bottom line.

Now, I'm not suggesting that we put a big sign on the door on Sunday morning that says, "Church is closed for training, come back next week", but what if we lay leaders and pastors got together for some back-to-basics training? Basics like these from Robert Fulgrum's book entitled "All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten":

• Share everything.


• Play fair.


• Don't hit people.


• Put things back where you found them.


• Clean up your own mess.


• Don't take things that aren't yours.


• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

At first glance that seems like a rather unsophisticated list. It's nothing like what you might find in someone's magnum opus on church leadership with 99 principles guaranteed to propel your staff and congregation into the next wave of post-modern evolution. And yet, I have to laugh when I think about one of the issues that is discussed most frequently amongst the leadership of my church, namely the policies and procedures associated with coffee. Hot topics include:

• Who gets to use the coffee bar and/or equipment?


• When is it appropriate to use the good coffee versus the coffee for the masses?


• Whe gets coffee for free and who has to pay?


• Who's responsibility is it to clean up the coffee decanters?

I've seen all of the principles on the list above violated over the coffee issues with the possible exception of "Don't hit people".

Perhaps I can spiritualize things a bit more. How about these basics from Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount according to Eugene Peterson's "The Message"?

• You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.


• You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.


• You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.


• You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.


• You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.


• You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.


• You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.


• You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

I too have been found guilty of putting policies, procedures, and programs ahead of people and I am thankful for the reminder that I need to put people first. In his book entitled "Revolutionary Leadership" my pastor, Tri Robinson, teaches us that structure should serve the culture and never the other way around. That is a basic principle that Starbucks and I should always remember.

Granny Flipped Me Off

I was driving home from a meeting over coffee (well, chai actually) with my friend Chad yesterday when I encountered granny. I was driving on a two lane road that has been under construction since the end of the Jurassic age and came to a red light. On the other side of the intersection I could see a sign showing that the other lane --the left one-- ended and merged into mine. A 4x4 pickup pulled up next to me. You know the type: Large, loud, and altogether intimidating. The kind that is usually driven by a man who is trying to compensate for other shortcomings in his life, whatever they may be… I surmised immediately that as soon as the light turned green he would step on it to ensure that he would get ahead of me and not be forced to merge in behind me. Life is all about winning and losing for the overcompensators of the world. I knew I could take him with my Maxima but smiled to myself and conceded ahead of time that I would let him win. After all, it was his ego that was starving, not mine.

The light turned green and my stereotype proved accurate as the big 4x4 thundered to life and leapt out into the intersection leaving me in a cloud of dust and diesel. Fortunately, I had my AC set to recirculate for just such an occasion. Now, in my mental book entitled "Greg's Rules of Driving Etiquette" when one finds oneself in a merge situation there is an every-other-car rule. Apparently the guy in the punkmobile behind the pickup either hasn't read my book or doesn't think it applies to people who live at the center of the universe. You know what a punkmobile is, right? It's one of those cars driven by a young guy in has late teens or early twenties who's monthly insurance bill is more than his car payment. The ride is usually a Honda Prelude or Civic with the suspension removed that looks like a piece of crap decked out in chrome. It has dark windows too, of course, to prevent me from seeing inside, as if I were interested. The guy in the punkmobile is either trying to get high on diesel fumes or he's overcompensating too because he practically drives up into the bed of the pickup to ensure there isn't enough room for me to take my rightful place in the black cloud.

As I pass through the intersection and approach the merge sign I check my mirror and notice that there is a third car to my left who's driver is apparently oblivious to the fact the lane they are in is ending. It's a nice clean Ford Taurus. You know, the kind of car that is driven by little old ladies to church on Sunday. I'm not sure what she was doing out on a Thursday during rush hour but there she was with her little blue wheelchair permit bouncing back and forth over two bony hands in a death grip at the top of the steering wheel while she put everyone else in harm's way. Apparently she comes to the conclusion that I am not going to yield for her even though she is behind me and I have nowhere to yield to unless I want to harvest the construction cones to my right. Her face transforms into that of a dyspeptic gargoyle as she brakes, swerves in behind me, and plants one of her bony hands firmly on the horn to give me a lecture.

This is where things get ugly. I raised my hand an pointed to the merge sign on the right to justify myself. It was a useless gesture since we had already passed it and as soon as I did it I realized it was a mistake. I saw a look of shock appear on Granny's face but it was quickly replaced by rage. If she had clenched her teeth any harder I'm sure her dentures would have exploded and fragmented teeth would have blown out all over the front windshield. Then she took her gnarled fist off the horn and to my utter horror she extended one defiant, bony, finger toward me. I'm sure she saw my jaw drop via my rear-view mirror. I'm sure that I will have that image indelibly burned into my memory for the rest of my life.

As we pulled up to the next light I thought about getting out of my car and explaining to Granny that it was all a misunderstanding but I quickly realized that a good outcome was not likely so I just sat there under her recriminating gaze. Fortunately she turned at that intersection before she could bore holes through the back of my head and I was able to continue on in peace. At this point I took a nice deep breath and let it all go.

During the remainder of my drive home I thought about my encounter with Granny. The whole thing was kind of funny really, and it dawned on me that there must be an illustration in there somewhere. Here are some possibilities:

They don't make Grannies like they used to.
"My what bony fingers you have Grandma." "All the better to flip you off with my dear."
Objects in this mirror may be more sociopathic than they appear.

All kidding aside, I think there really is a lesson here about judgments. I made several about the drivers of the vehicles around me. Maybe the person in the truck --I don't even know if it was a guy-- was on the way home from the store with some medicine for a sick daughter. And maybe the person in the punkmobile was almost out of gas and thought they could make it home if they stayed in the pickup's draft. Okay, that's a stretch but I really couldn't come up with a valid reason they were such a jerk. And that leaves Granny. I'm not even going to try to defend her driving but I can certainly see how she might have gotten confused and thought I was cutting her off. With eyesight and higher brain functions so obviously impaired, it's no surprise that she also misinterpreted my "helpful" gesture as an in-your-face coup de gras.

I wonder how many times I have made a mistaken judgment about someone? I wonder how many times my higher brain functions or higher heart functions have been impaired and I have responded inappropriately? So, the lesson here for me is one that I have asked God for many times. I've asked the Lord to help me respond rather than react. Yesterday he showed me how ugly it can be when someone reacts rather than responds. I doubt I would have heard the message if the person hadn't been a sweet little old lady. Thank you Lord for the lesson.

"Oh, and Lord… Next time Granny goes down that road can you let her see the merge sign correctly?"

Watching the Creator Create

A year ago I attended a Focus training seminar here in Boise which I have blogged about a couple of times. Recently, I was privileged to be given the opportunity to participate in a Focus seminar as a Training Assistant (TA) where I helped as others went through the same process that I had. It was both a rewarding and profoundly moving experience. Although I can't provide details due to confidentiality and non-disclosure agreements, I very much want to put my experience into words inasmuch as I can.

There is a movie I remember that conveys a powerfully relevant picture. The 1990 movie "Awakenings" tells a poignant story of rebirth. Here is a brief synopsis from IMDB:

A new doctor finds himself with a ward full of comatose patients. He is disturbed by them and the fact that they have been comatose for decades with no hope of any cure. When he finds a possible chemical cure he gets permission to try it on one of them. When the first patient awakes, he is now an adult having gone into a coma in his early teens. The film then delights in the new awareness of the patients and then on the reactions of their relatives to the changes in the newly awakened.

I see striking parallels between the awakening in the movie and the one that occurs during the Focus training as people more fully understand who they were created to be and how they can live their lives going forward. It's like they are given a small glimpse of what relationships and community could be like if we lived as our Creator intended us to. As a friend of mine put it during the training, "It's like watching the Creator create."

I was blessed to watch as people's lives were transformed by a process that allowed them to be awakened. There is a statement in the Declaration of Independence that I had not been aware of until recently that describes the state in which we often find ourselves: "...mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed." Although this declaration was made in the context of an oppressive government, it is nonetheless true in the larger context of life in general. As I stand and survey the shackles with which I am encumbered I am galled to observe that most are of my own devising. What joy is found, therefore, when I take my keys and allow myself to be free.

Serving as a TA was undoubtedly a sacrifice but it is truly better to give than receive. In giving I have received so much in return from each and every person in the training. I am excited to see what they do now that they have been awakened!

My Google Valentine

Today on the Google search page there was a graphic for Valentine's Day (see picture) that I really liked. The reason that I thought it was special was that it featured an elderly couple. Culturally, it seems that we often associate romance with a beautiful, healthy, young couple and, yet, I think this older couple epitomizes Valentine's Day because they have withstood the test of time. In a day when most marriages don't make it to the 40th anniversary there is something spectacular about an older couple who is still stoking the fires of passion. Well done Google!

It seems that this time of year is always very busy for Sharon and I with V-Day sandwiched in between Sr. High and Jr. High winter camps and other community or ministry events like dinner banquets, marriage classes, or personal enrichment training. We celebrated for a few minutes last night and maybe we'll get another few minutes together tonight. The good thing is that romances is something we can celebrate all year long. We don't need to wait for this one day each year to remember how much we love each other.I was driving home from the store where I bought Sharon's gift when Superchick's song, "We Live" played on the radio. I love the chorus and it seem apropos for the season that Sharon and I just went through so I put it in her card:

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up

Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above

And today we remember to live and to love

If we bury that wisdom in our hearts then we too shall one day celebrate a very geriatric Valentine's Day.

Things To Do Before I Die

Since I was a teenager I've kept a list in my head of things I want to do before I die and thought it was time to put in down on "paper". What better place than my blog?

Of course the list changes over time as new ideas come to mind. I even added a few from other lists that I looked at and thought up some new ones myself as I wrote these down.

Now I just need to figure out which of these I am going to do this year!

Things To Do

Drive one of the fastest cars in the world
Go skydiving
Go to Tahiti/Fiji with Sharon and stay in a bungalo over the water
Stay at a bed & breakfast on the isle of Iona in Scotland
Go on a guided tour of the Holy Lands
Take a Mediterranean cruise
Fly in a jet fighter
See an Irish dance musical in Dublin
Sail on a Yacht
Take Sharon to Italy

Preach a real sermon in church
Own the best gaming PC money can buy
Go on a missions trip to Asia or South America
Dance the Tango well
Experience weightlessness
Write a worship song
Watch a space shuttle launch
Drive the Autobahn
Ride in a hot air balloon
Bungee jump
Make love on a tropical island beach
Climb a mountain
See the Sphinx and the Pyramids at Giza
See a full solar eclipse
Visit Mt. Rushmore
Be 100% debt free
Write a book and have it published
Look through an observatory telescope
See a miracle

.

Already Done

.
Get married
Go scuba diving
Ride a bullet train
Make love in the wilderness
Sleep under the stars during a meteor shower
Have a house built for me
Go skinny-dipping
Drive the Amalfi Coast in Italy
See the Grand Canyon
See the Coliseum and St. Peter's Basilica
See the third world
See the redwoods
Go to Washington D.C.
Attend a Petra concert
Father a child
Fly first class
Give the Heimlich maneuver
Go sailing
Go whale watching
Go to Disneyworld
Go white water rafting
Baptise someone

I've Got Skills

During one of his many memorable dialogues, Napoleon Dynamite --from the movie with the same name-- lamented the fact that he had insufficient skills.

Napoleon: "I don't even have any good skills… You know, like… numchuck skills, bow-hunting skills, computer hacking skills."

Recently I've had an opportunity to look at some of my own skills as I've updated my decade old resume. I know… I know… You're supposed to keep that up-to-date but life got busy...

Now I know you're all just wondering with barely suppressed excitement what kind of skills a Software Engineer would have. Well, let me tell you... I have skills the likes of which you have never imagined. I bet you can't wait to be impressed by the list so here it is:

Hardware Platforms: IBM ( System 360, ES 9000, RS 6000) Intel x86, Solaris

Operating Systems: IBM MVS, Windows (NT/XP/Server), Solaris Unix, Red Hat Linux

Languages: COBOL II, Pascal, OS 360 Assembler, C, C++, VB, Perl

Databases: IMS, DB/2, MS SQL Server, Sybase, Oracle

Software: MS Office, MS Project, numerous IDE’s and database design suites.

Actually, some of those skills are quite dated and make me feel rather old but they are a badge of honor so I keep them there just to show that I've been around a while. It's not like I'd ever want to go back to programming on COBOL or Assembler.

My most coveted skill is my experience with C++ - pronounced "See plus plus" This is the king of software development languages. Sure you could argue for some others on the basis that they are simpler to use, newer, or conform more closely to some ideal but at the end of the day we all know that C++ is the reigning king. This is the language I have been coding in for the past nine years or so. It's challenging to learn, difficult to use proficiently, and nearly impossible to master.

Of course, there are some other skills I wish I could list there. For instance, I wish I could, in good conscience, put Visual C++ or MFC there but my experience developing on the Microsoft Windows platform is too limited. It would be cool to put C#, Java, or ASP there too but, alas, I only have classroom experience with those.

I think Napoleon Dynamite had it wrong though. It's not the skills that matter but rather the person behind the skills. As I go forth in search of employment I'm going to focus more selling my character than my ability to manipulate characters (that's a programmer pun). And, of course I'll pray the 23rd Psalm in programmer style...

The Lord is my programmer,
I shall not crash.
He installed his software
on the hard disk of
my heart;
all of his commands
are user-friendly.
His directory guides me
to the right choices
for his namespace's sake.
Even though I scroll
through the problems
of life,
I will fear no bugs,
for he is my backup.
His syntax protects me.
He prepares a menu
before me
in the presence of
my enemies,
the hackers.
His help is only a
keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy
will follow me
all the days of my life,
and my data will be merged
with his and saved
forever.

Wishy Washy

Early last year I had the opportunity to receive some feedback from a group of people regarding how they perceived me. Although they did not know me well they had an opportunity to observe my interactions with them and others for short period of time and I had given them my consent to provide this feedback. In short, and without all the gory details, they gave me the label "Wishy Washy".

Wishy Washy? I asked them for more explanation but they seemed inclined to let me spend some time figuring it out on my own. After I thought about it for a bit I came to the conclusion that the label they should have given me would be something like "Chameleon". I liked that label. I supposed that they observed my versatility in action and thought that it demonstrated a weakness in my character. Many people put on a chameleon personae because they want people to like them. I have been guilty of that occasionally but I don't consider it to be a major character issue. No doubt they thought that I had a low self-esteem and put on a mask so that people would like me when the truth of the matter is that I look for common ground between myself and others and engage them in those areas to form a relational bridge. As the Apostle Paul said, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." I came to the conclusion then that what they saw as a limitation was instead a strength from my perspective.

Then a funny little thing happened that I like to call "2007". In the last minutes of "2007", as many of my friends and family were over at our house to celebrate the arrival of the new year, I began my prayer with the following: "Dear Lord, I am thankful that 2007 is over…". I hope God has a sense of humor. Every year has its ups and downs but 2007 was more like the Himalayas and the Mariana Trench.

When I was a kid my grandmother had an ancient washing machine that still had a wringer on the top. After the clothes had been washed you would put them between the rollers on the wringer to squeeze the water out so that they would dry faster on the clothes line. I was fascinated by the immense pressure the wringer applied and how much water the rollers could squeeze out. I remember the first time my grandmother actually let me put some clothes through it. It was a big moment for me because the wringer was always taboo. Grandma insisted that if left to our own devices we kids would get our fingers caught and the wringer would swallow up our whole arm. Grandma had lost most of the fingers on one hand in a printing press accident when she was sixteen so she was always very careful of everyone else's fingers. For someone who was so conscientious of lost appendages, I could never understand why she had a house so full of mechanical devices that would turn you into breakfast sausage if you weren't continually vigilant. There were wringers, mixers, fruit juicers, and metal bladed fans that were, in grandma's words, "wicked". In grandma's world these devices had evil hearts bent on destruction and they plotted and schemed how they could lure small children in with the promise of pleasure so they could then wreak havoc on them. For me, 2007 was a lot like grandma's collection of wicked appliances. I feel like I went through life's wringer and most of the life blood was wrung out of me. A bit of a hyperbole perhaps but it serves as a fair analogy too.

I thought of listing the major events of 2007 in a good vs. bad format but that is not so simple. Some events seemed bad but turned out for the good whereas in other cases it was the reverse. Wisdom would seem to suggest that it is impossible to make such judgments when our perceptions are so limited. I can put together a list entitled "Things That Put Me Through the Wringer in 2007" and leave it at that (somewhat chronological):

- Strained family relationships
- Relational challenges with colleagues
- Medical insurance disputes
- Focus
- Dynamic Marriage training
- Decision to pursue full time ministry
- Stock options become worthless
- Brendon's high school graduation
- Disneyland vacation
- Fears of layoff
- Medical costs
- My father moving overseas
- Brendon leaving home
- Brendon attending Anthem
- Loss of job to outsourcing
- Uncertainty of employment in Boise
- Chemically dependant mother
- Grandmother suffering from Alzheimer's
- Financial stress
- The painful trials of a good friend
- Uncertainty regarding my future at Vineyard Boise

Needless to say, this kind of stress has put a strain on otherwise healthy aspects of my life like my marriage and other close relationships. For the first time in a long time I have had to fight against the raging beast of depression. It's also been a long, steady struggle rather than a series of skirmishes. I wish I could proclaim victory but in truth I am still struggling with it. In truth I now understand the "Wishy Washy" aspect of my character. When trials come and pressures mount I seek to retreat to a place of safety. This is a conditioned response from my childhood. The very convictions that I felt so passionate about before seem to become anchors that pull me down and prevent me from finding the illusory safe haven that my fear would have me seek. Instead of Paul's encouraging words I am continually haunted by those of James" "...he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

Well, there it is… (said in the perfunctory fashion of Emperor Joseph II in the movie Amadeus) So where to go from here? Good question. I know what Wishy Washy would do. He would let go of all the commitments and responsibilities that create stress and retreat to a self absorbed solitude filled with simple pleasures like computer games and fantasy novels. Perhaps he would find a job on the Kwajalein atoll in the tropics where his dad lives and go scuba diving with him. To appease my sense of guilt I could even pore myself into theological study and tell myself I'm preparing for future ministry. A future that will never arrive because when it does I'll just run and hide from it when the going gets tough.

So there's a start. I know what I won't do. And now that I have made it public, I have robbed the temptation of some of its power. That's one of the key advantages I have found to being authentic. So, again, where to go from here? I intend to stay committed to the ministries God has called me to unless something else prevents me. I am personally committed to stay in Boise unless God or circumstances direct me to leave. I haven't heard a specific word from the Lord regarding whether he will make a place for us here or if he is preparing a place for us elsewhere. It may end up that God sends us elsewhere and/or necessity demands it if I can't find employment in Boise. If this is the case I vote for Kwajalein and I promise not to kick against the goads too hard if it is.

I believe that our move to Boise was a God thing. When Sharon first mentioned the idea ten years ago I couldn't fathom leaving behind the relationships we had formed and the great job that I had at the time. Over the following six months things changed for the worse and God provided a place for us in Boise. Had I stayed I would have lost my job within the year. I want to stay in Boise too but even now I see doors closing that I previously thought had been opened for us to step through. I can't go into detail but suffice to say that there have been some disappointments and setbacks that have left us wondering if perhaps God is preparing us to take a fork in the road of our life journey.

Lord, I pray that you would work things out so that we can stay here. You know that in my heart Wishy Washy wants me to throw in the towel and start over but I pray that Sharon and I would walk in the center of your will for our lives. You have given me the freedom to plan the course in my life but reserved for yourself your sovereign right to determine my steps. Allow me to discern your will for us Lord and give me the courage to be obedient to it. I also pray that you would intervene in the lives of our dear friends who are struggling under the weight of such a heavy trial right now. Let us be a source of strength to them and speak only words of life to them. I feel like Jonathan caught between his love for his father Saul and his love for his friend David. Let all involved in these matters clearly hear your voice Lord. In Jesus' name. Amen.

There's my dirty laundry. Filled with metaphors, allusions and even the occasional pun, all laundry related. I know, it's another serious and heavy blog but I did try to throw in some humor to make it more like that dirty shirt that you throw in the dryer for a few minutes with a dryer sheet to freshen it up. I suppose that there is more that could be said but some things are just too personal or involve other people and must be held in confidence. I had lunch with my new friend Jason yesterday (an accomplished writer/editor/publisher) and I admitted to him that I had received feedback that my blog was tipping the scales on the depressing side. He gave me some tips on humor and story telling so I gave it a shot (let me know if it worked buddy). Of course, I also told him that I had learned to sit on things for several days until the emotions had suitably subsided so that I could edit it when I was more rational. I have a feeling if I do that this time that I won't blog this at all so I'll do a quick grammar check and throw it up there. Sorry Jason.

Best Friends = Dynamic Marriage

Sharon and I just finished facilitating a Dynamic Marriage class in our church last Sunday. This Sunday we look forward to an evening of debriefing and celebration as we get together one last time with the other couples for an Italian potluck dinner.

Even though we facilitated the class we also went through it as students ourselves. During the eight class sessions we learned some new things about each other but, more importantly, we spent a lot of time together during our nightly homework sessions. Part of the homework involved implementing the new tools that we learned during the class and as a result we have begun to form some helpful new habits.

Here are some of the most important things I learned during the class:

• 
  Prayer increases intimacy: As we have prayed together each night of the class we began to see each other's hearts more deeply. This is something we had not done frequently or consistently before but we will do so going forward. It has been a very positive factor in our relationship with each other and with the Lord.


• 
  Planning is essential: I have several bad habits (called Love Busters in the course) that I had given up hope of ever changing. However, I believe that I can overcome them if I put a plan in place, work on it regularly, and review my progress with my spouse.


• 
  We can be best friends: I never realized that recreational companionship was so important to my wife. It is included in the list of 10 needs but is one of the 5 needs that are predominantly male. Although she has shared her desire to have more fun in our relationship, the categorization of basic needs provided a framework that helped me understand Sharon's recreational need better. Basically, she needs to spend more time with me doing fun things instead of being serious and discussing issues and ministry related topics.


• 
  Her admiration is important: For myself I realized just how important it was for me to know that my wife admires me. Words of encouragement and affirmation make huge deposits in my "Love Bank" while criticism and cutting remarks make huge withdrawals.
  

We also gained a lot of insight from the other couples as they shared about their experiences as they went through the course.

I've read a lot of books on marriage and attended a lot of seminars but for some reason the very basic and simple principles taught in this class have proven over the years to be the most valuable to me. Additionally, the class provided a great opportunity for me to spend time with my spouse where we engaged in communication and putting into practice the things we learned. I am happy to say that my marriage is better than ever and I am looking forward to the next year with my mate for life (and my best friend): Sharon.

(For more information on the Dynamic Marriage class, see my previous blog entry on the subject)

The Real Iron Men (Mentoring 1 of 2)

[I was privileged to have an article on mentoring published for Immersion Online recently and have permission to put it on my blog - Enjoy]

Of all the relationships I’ve had in my life there are a few that have really stood out above the rest. Notably, those in which I have sat at the feet of another as an attentive learner have proven to be the most valuable, especially in those cases where the things being learned were matters of the heart or character. These individuals are my mentors.

Several years ago I became acutely aware of how poor I was at encouraging others. I had received negative feedback from some individuals that I supervised and there was a common thread in what they said. All of them felt that I was good with constructive criticism but poor at delivering positive feedback or recognition for accomplishments. Later, I had the opportunity to observe someone in a ministry context who was very good at encouraging. I served under his leadership and watched him in action. During this time I noted how much people enjoyed serving him. I said to myself, “I want to be like him.” And so I began meeting with him regularly to provide myself the opportunity to learn from him.

During our sessions together I would ask him for advice on how to handle various relational situations. I’d bring my own ideas and then compare them to his recommendations. Over time I realized the difference in our approaches. I was very task oriented whereas he was very people oriented. Once I understood this, I began to model his behavior because I had come to understand that you cannot lead effectively without balancing both. Since then I have been more generous with praise and encouragement.

What happened between this seasoned pastor and I was the formation of a mentoring relationship. I learned a lot more about myself through our dialogues than just the insight into what limited me from being more encouraging. At first it wasn’t really a formal mentoring relationship, but over the years I learned more about what mentoring was and I recognized our relationship for what it was. At that point I decided to formalize it and asked him to be my mentor. I believe this was an important step because it established a mutually agreed upon parameter for our relationship that gave him more freedom to speak into my life.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Herein is a fundamental Biblical truth. It is interesting to note how deeply this bit of conventional wisdom has permeated our culture. If you run an internet search on “iron sharpens iron” you might be surprised how many organizations have formed around the concept and how much literature has been generated that espouses it.

When it comes to sharpening a blade, there are two basic ways to accomplish this. One way would be to use something abrasive, like a grinding stone, which would remove some of the metal from the blade to create an edge. During this process, care must be taken to ensure that the heat that is created is not too great; otherwise, the blade will lose its temper and will not be able to maintain an edge. Another method is to use a sharpening steel to true the blade. When steel is employed to sharpen the blade none of the metal is removed. Instead, the tiny metallic fibers that have folded over from cutting are pushed back into alignment. When using this metaphor I think of the Holy Spirit as the one who has the ability to create the initial edge through the grinding process. Then, once the blade has a fine edge, the mentors in our lives help keep it true through small adjustments that bring us back into alignment. I believe this is exactly the point of the proverb where one man sharpens another.

So how does one find a suitable mentor? For effective mentoring to occur you should select someone who is above your station in some aspect. You may want to learn a practical skill or, more importantly, you may wish to strengthen a character trait or even refine some of your values. When I say “above your station” I mean someone you can readily acknowledge exhibits a character quality you desire that is superior to your own ability. There is something significant about arriving at this admission. I call it a teachable spirit. Humility is an important factor in the mentoring relationship. Without it you will find that your ego is constantly getting in the way and you will soon discover yourself reacting defensively to the mentor’s honing instead of listening to his or her counsel.

There is another important consideration that you should keep in mind when looking for a mentor. Avoid choosing someone who exhibits a significant moral failure or who has a major flaw in their character. These things tend to pervade all aspects of their life. Their modeling will be flawed and their counsel will undoubtedly become tainted as well. Whenever possible, it is prudent to avoid placing yourself in situations where you have to separate the wheat from the chaff. Inevitably, some chaff always remains in the wheat.

Also, you need to be transparent with your mentor. The more you share about yourself, the better your mentor will be able to guide you. For instance, if you share with your mentor a decision you made and the resulting outcome then go a step further and share the motivations behind the decision and the feelings you experienced as a result of the outcome. Those two bookends provide much more information for your mentor to work with than what is in between. The decision and any analysis behind it provide a measure of your competence but the motivations and feelings reveal your heart and that is what your mentor needs to see to be most effective. Improvements in your competence are good but improvements in your character are of far greater value.

Finally, pray that God would bring wise mentors into your life. Proverbs 11:14 says, “…in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” What a blessing it is to have trusted mentors that can give you their counsel as you face the many challenges that life will throw at you along your journey. Look also for opportunities to be a mentor to others for, “Freely you have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8).

Music Review: Classical Guitars Christmas

During high school I had the privilege of becoming best friends with John Troncoso and we are still friends today. Although we don't get to see each other often, we both enjoy the occasions that we do. Last year my family and John's family got together over Thanksgiving weekend. John's parents dropped by to visit for a while as well and we were privileged to receive our own personal, impromptu concert in John's living room.

John and Jose (John's father) have been playing classical guitar together for over 30 years. They had recently completed a recording project called, you guessed it, "Classical Guitars Christmas". I love Christmas music and I have a pile of such CD's at home. However, I find myself listening to just a couple of them repeatedly and relegate the others to a dusty pile in the back of the cabinet. Last year, I put this one on the top of my short preferred list. Yes, it's even pushed the original, and highly vaunted, Mannheim Steamroller Christmas down a position. In fact, we bought about a dozen of them and gave them always as Christmas gifts to our friends and family last year. I realize that it is expected that I should give high praise to help promote my friend's CD but, seriously, it's really that good.

If you happen to be looking for something new to spice up your Christmas music selection then I'd encourage you to consider getting a copy for yourself if you didn't already get one from us. The title here (Classical Guitars Christmas) is a clickable link to their web site where you can learn more about the CD and even order a copy if you like. Since John and Jose are incredibly accomplished guitarists and have been playing together for so long, they offer a very distinctive musical quality. The CD was also recorded with John in the left channel and Jose in the right so that when it is played it would simulate the sound you would hear if they were sitting in your living room giving you a private concert.

Aside from having a personal relationship with John and Jose and the quality of the music, the thing I most appreciate about this CD is knowing that the two people behind it are committed Christians. I love listening to my Mannheim Steamroller CD at Christmas but for me it adds so much more to know the heart of the artists behind the music. Because Christmas is all about Christ it adds so much more to the music to know that the artist truly engages the music at all levels: Body, mind, and spirit.

Donfaer's Adventures in Everquest

[This is the third and final installment on my online gaming interest. I realize it's been a long series but I have thought about it for some time and wanted to share this part of my life with everyone since it is my favorite pastime. Hopefully, you will enjoy the telling of the tale. Someone commented recently that my blog is too serious and could use some lightheartedness. Hopefully, this will be just that.]

Hail and well met. My name is Donfaer (see my picture to the left) and I am a guardian of the 70th level. To put things in perspective, that was the highest rank achievable until just recently. The world I come from is called Norrath and racially I am half-elven. If you have any jokes you'd like to tell me about half-breeds I'll laugh with you right up to the moment you become a new scabbard for my sword and we both stop laughing. I trust you get the point?

Now, where was I… Oh yes, Norrath. Mine is a world filled with wonder, adventure, and danger. Here there be elves and dwarves, trolls and ogres, gnomes and halflings, and many other sentient races. Norrath is also a magical world where the physical laws can be molded and shaped by the will of the caster through his knowledge of the arcane. Someone once told me of a sage from your world named Tolkien. Well, if you are familiar with his writings then you should have a fair picture of the world of Norrath. Ours is a land where the battle between good and evil is constantly waged and a few good and courageous souls rise up to stand in the gap.

Through the power of the amazing mystical device you call a kompewter, some of the us in my world are able to become avatars of the people from yours and allow them to experience our realm. In fact, I am the avatar of one named Greg from your world. He has told me that he is a master of the mystical kompewter and has regaled me with tales of his exploits using said device. Most of the time his explanations make as much sense to me as a Gigglegibber Goblin. Furthermore, I think maybe he embellishes things a bit. Perhaps someday we'll find a way to enter your world and see things truly for ourselves.

I digress so let's get back to the subject at hand. Avatars… I still remember the first time I found myself an avatar of Greg. Oh yes, it was quite a mess indeed. The poor sod hardly knew which end of the sword was which. He very nearly got me killed quite a few times. And a few other times he even managed to accomplish the deed. Fortunately, in Norrath death is a little less permanent than I understand it is in your world and our good cleric was able to resuscitate me after the rest of the group rallied together and took down our the foe. Yes indeed, those clerics sure come in handy at times. I suppose you probably need a bit of an explanation here though. You see, when you go off on adventure here in Norrath you want to make sure you are part of a group of people that have complimentary skills. As a guardian, I am a member of the warrior class. My job is to make sure that the opponents we challenge keep their attention on me because I am exceedingly strong and well trained in hand-to-hand combat. I can wear the heaviest of armor and learn the skills necessary to guard those who accompany me and keep them from harm. However, I know nothing about healing magics and couldn't call a fireball out of the ether to light a campfire, let alone send one hurtling at a foe. We refer to those folks squishies and they affectionately call us tanks. Some classes deal out major damage through magics or offensive combat while others can mesmerize foes with illusions or bring other creatures in to battle. There's a bit of rivalry between us all at times but I think that both sides understand that we couldn't work well without each other. I understand there was another sage from your world called the Apostle Paul who talked about people being different parts of the body and such. It's an intriguing concept and it serves as an adequate analogy methinks.

Greg told me during our first encounter that he usually had one of the wizard or healer classes as an avatar in his prior experiences. It still boggles my mind to know that he had a cleric avatar from 500 years in my past in the world of Norrath. I understand that you refer to these two time periods as Everquest 1 and Everquest 2. You certainly are peculiar people. Anyway, it seems that Greg wanted to get out of his comfort zone and take charge more. So he decided to select an avatar from the warrior class and assume a leadership role. Since tanks are the ones who coordinate the flow of battle it is generally they who serve as the group leader. Well, Greg came to the right place when he selected me. I can definitely say that he has learned quite a bit about leadership as a guardian.

There's nothing quite as satisfying as being what we call a "raid tank" during a large offensive. Having 20+ people count on you to keep the opponent focused solely on yourself is quite a rush. During every moment you are aware that if you lose control it's likely all over. For every second that you don't maintain control your friends will drop like snowflakes in a fireball and if you don't get it back quickly it ends in what we call a wipe and it's time to bring out the clerics. Of course when a wipe occurs the blame does not always fall on the guardian. Everyone has a part to play and it is imperative that they play it right. Some of the other classes can dish out quite a bit of damage, you see, and that can really get the attention of a foe. We guardians do our best to poke here and jab there with both weapons and insults but if a wizard or a swashbuckler decides to let loose a bit too dramatically, even the best guardian is going to lose control of the situation. It's also imperative that the healers continually flood us with protective wards and healing magics during combat. Just the other day a whole group wiped because the healer's user decided to go make something called "microwave popcorn". Now I don't have a clue what that is but let me just say that when your tank is standing toe-to-toe with a fire breathing dragon and the damage ward doesn't get refreshed it's a rather illuminating experience.

I suppose that for some of you this sounds a bit whacky. In fact, Greg confided in me that he was a little hesitant to even share this part of his life for concern of what some of you might think or judgments you might make. Believe me, some of the things that I have heard about your world sound equally strange. For example, I just don't get the fascination you all have with games involving putting small spheres of various shapes and sizes into small goals of various shapes and sizes. I don't think Greg really understands it either since he has trouble explaining it to me. Apparently, it is considered quite honorable to be something called an armchair athlete in your world but the thing you call virtual reality is disparaged and looked down upon by a large portion of your society. And yet I hear that many of you sit and watch small boxes filled with avatars of other people pretending to be someone else for your amusement and that this too is socially acceptable recreation. How strange. Anyway, Greg thought that you might find it more interesting and insightful to hear things from my perspective.

One thing we both understand is that Greg needs to be careful about how much time he spends here in Norrath. Although this world is very real to me I can see how his spending time here could prevent him from being a brave warrior fighting darkness in his own world. Oddly enough, he tells me that sometimes my world can serve as a battleground for good in his world. Now that makes my head spin so I'm not going to go any farther down that road. Besides, he indicated that he has already explained all of that to you.

I'd like to chat more but Greg says his break time is over and he needs to work more on the kompewter. And, I must confess, I find your world rather tedious and there are goblins to fight and treasure to loot here in Norrath, so let me bring this all to a close with some final comments. In the past, there have been times when Greg has spent a bit too much time running around in Norrath and caused his relationships in your world to suffer. Even though there are some wonderful people here, Greg realizes that there are much more important things to do and people for him to fellowship with in the "real" world, most notably his lovely wife [By the way, I've met her and she is one beautiful lady] . Now, that being said, it is also true that Greg finds great recreation, fellowship and value in Everquest. The crux of the issue then is one of balance. Greg is committed to finding that balance and would appreciate your help in that regard. And, of course, you are also welcome to have a rousing good time with Greg and myself here in Norrath. It would be an honor to meet some of you in person someday should there be an adventurous spirit hiding inside of you. The land of Kunark, lost since the cataclysm, has been rediscovered here in Norrath and there is much to explore and learn. So until we meet: Excelsior!

Virtual Friends

It's been challenging to figure out how to summarize my online gaming experiences in a bite size chunk suitable for a blog entry. I've played numerous multiplayer online games over nearly the last decade but favorites were Everquest 1 & 2 so I'll just limit myself to talking about my experiences in those virtual game worlds. In this entry I'd like to focus primarily on some of the relational aspects of my Everquest experience.

My EQ1 adventures began around six years ago when a colleague/friend at work invited me to join his group. About half of the guild he was in was made up of people living here in the Boise area. They met once or twice a month for lunch at a local pizza place and when I started playing I instantly had over a dozen new friends when I joined their community. I really enjoyed the camaraderie we shared as we laughed about past foibles in the Everquest world or planned out our future endeavors together. On a couple of occasions we even got together for dinner and invited our spouses. At one such dinner we even had a couple from the guild who lived in Oklahoma drive all the way up to Boise to meet us. They were an interesting couple. They had met in-game, dated, and then got married (in the real world). This may sound strange but I've known several couples who met online like that and ultimately married. Anyway, I really enjoyed the opportunity to get out of my normal sphere of relationships which tended to be friends that I knew from church and ministry involvement. I felt it was good because it gave me an opportunity to take my light out from under the bushel so-to-speak. Too often we Christians isolate ourselves from contact with people "in the world".

My colleague and I became much better friends after we started gaming together. I think it was Plato who said, "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." I got to know him much better through play than I ever did through work. Unfortunately, he went through a rather painful divorce a short time later. Instead of using gaming to medicate he looked for other more social opportunities and later began dating. We kept the friendship going over the next few years though. Often we'd get in long discussions about the Christian faith. Later in our relationship after he had remarried he even gave me the opportunity to come over to his house and share the basics of the Gospel with him and after that he visited our church. His new wife was also a believer and I think he was just trying to sort things out. Somewhere inside I think he genuinely wanted to believe but just had trouble with certain aspects of the Christian Faith. Later, things changed at work and our relationship drifted apart. I wish it hadn’t and I accept the majority of the blame for it. I'd like to get together with him again. In fact, I just sent him an email to see if he'd like to do just that.

Our guild leader, and personal friend of my aforementioned colleague, worked out at the Micron PC site which was going through tough times. We encouraged him to apply for a job at the parent company since there was an opening in my group. He had great qualifications so I hired him into the group I managed at the time and soon we were all working together. It was a fun season until things became tense as Micron went through its own round of layoffs in 2003 and work conditions deteriorated. Oh well, that's another story.

After I had played EQ1 for a while my son decided that he would like to play the game as well. At the time I had proven myself as a very competent player and was fairly involved in one of the premier guilds on the server. Most of my friends from the Boise guild joined this larger guild so we could play some of the most difficult content the game had to offer that required 50-80+ people to complete. However, my son was having difficulty getting his character up to a high enough level with good enough equipment to accompany us. It was more important for me to game with him so I sold my EQ1 character and we waited a few months for EQ2 to come out. I still remember how excited both of us were to play together from level 1. It was great father and son time. I still think of those first few weeks of EQ2 as some of the most fun we've ever had together.

During our second week playing EQ2 we met a group of people who became some of our best in-game friends over the next few years. After we had played together for a while we formed a guild and added more people to our ranks. We had a lot of great times together. Even so, it's not all roses and sunshine. Sometimes people have differences of opinion that develop into conflicts or maybe they just get on each others nerves. Virtual worlds can be just like the real one in many senses. For example, our guild leader, Cord (his in-game character name), and I had a conflict once. I had a sense of humor that he found somewhat irritating and one day he let me know about it quite emphatically. I logged off and sulked like a kid for a few days before reconnecting with him to work things out. After that, we got along much better. I learned something valuable about being careful with my humor and was a better person for it. Several months later Hurricane Katrina hit the area that Cord lived in. I ended up leading a team from my church down to New Orleans and I offered to bring them over to help Cord with his house. He was very blessed by the offer but informed me that he and his dad were fortunate and that they were able to get the trees off of their houses a few days before I had arrived. We wanted to meet in person but the long drive around the lake and the curfew imposed prevented us from doing so. Cord decided to retire from EQ in order to help his family rebuild their lives in the wake of Katrina. I miss him but I fondly remember the relationship we shared for a time in the world of EQ.

One of the things that people like about virtual worlds is the anonymity that they provide. Many times people with disabilities, unattractive appearances, etc. can socialize in a way that they couldn't in a normal setting. Although this is a sad situation, I think it is good that they can get past those limiting attributes and be accepted for who they are on the inside when they visit a virtual world. Obviously this can be good and bad, especially when taken to extremes. Although some people choose to hide who they are in real life for various reasons, I am always very open about who I am. In our small EQ2 guild I became dubbed as "The Counselor" because I was always willing to talk with people who were struggling in life. I posted a biography about myself on the guild website and in that biography I shared that I was a deeply devoted Christian who was involved in marriage ministry in my church. As a result, people saw me as a person that they could go to for help. I specifically remember two people who came to me for help with their marriages. I was completely candid about my lack of formal credentials but that didn't bother them in the slightest because they had really come to appreciate me for qualities I demonstrated during gameplay. One of them really just wanted someone to talk to who was willing to listen and offer occasional feedback. Another was genuinely seeking help and I steered him in the direction of some materials that I thought would help him address some issues in his marriage. I also suggested that perhaps he needed to spend less time with EQ and more time with his wife. He agreed and I was sorry to see him retire from the game but I was glad to know that he was putting his marriage first.

Those are just a few highlights of my experiences that I hope will provide some insight into how relational online computer games can be. When I game in a virtual world I have a choice. I can hide behind a mask of anonymity or I can open my heart to others. It's no different than the choice I have in the real world.

"Is this a game or is it real?"

In the 1983 movie Wargames a young hacker named David is not sure whether he has merely been caught up in a computer simulation of World War 3 or if he actually triggered the real thing when he hacked into the military's computer system. So he asks the computer, "Is this a game, or is it real?" To which the computer responds, "What's the difference?"

Nearly 25 years later that dialog is even more intriguing when applied to the subject of virtual reality. In 1999 the question was explored in greater detail in the movie The Matrix. That same year there was a much lesser known (but better in my opinion) movie called The Thirteenth Floor that also explored virtual worlds. Finally, there was another event in 1999 that was a significant milestone in the development of virtual worlds, namely a computer game called Everquest.

Everquest is referred to as a massive multi-player on-line role-playing game or MMORPG for short. So what does that mean? Essentially, it is a virtual world similar to the one inhabited by Neo in The Matrix or the one created by Dr. Hannon Fuller in The Thirteenth Floor. However, it is in a more Tolkienesque fantasy setting and the interface is a standard Windows PC since we haven't yet created the sophisticated technology necessary to allow us to "jack in" with our actual consciousness. Although it wasn't the first such virtual world on the scene it did something well that no other game had done before. It gave the user the ability to experience the world from the first-person perspective. So, instead of looking at a little graphic representation of your character on the screen you experienced the virtual world as if you were looking out of your character's eyes. It also offered a persistent world that was inhabited by other players. Everquest quickly exploded into a cultural phenomenon that became a virtual home to millions of people.

If you think I exaggerate then I invite you to consider this: In 2001 a study was done on the monetary exchange within the Everquest virtual world that concluded that if Everquest were a real country its population of two million would be the 77th richest in the world, placing it between Russia and Bulgaria with a higher per capita GDP than China. By 2004 the Everquest virtual world had a total GDP that exceeded that of many smaller countries. Some of the virtual items in the game were selling on eBay in excess of $1,000 and well equipped characters could easily sell for several thousand. The leading MMORPG today, World of Warcraft, boasts nearly 10 million subscribers.

So what is it about Everquest that so fascinated millions of people? In a word: Community. In a stroke of sheer genius the creators of Everquest chose to design a world that practically required cooperation among the players in order to succeed and progress in the game. Although a person could choose to play solo, the most challenging and interesting places could not be visited alone and the best items in the game could not be attained without the assistance of others. Players were gently forced to form relationships with other players who's characters complimented their own. For example, a fighter could do battle against opponents for a short time with his heavy armor and weapons but with the assistance of another player who's character had the ability to heal any wounds he sustained during combat he could take on much tougher opponents and fight much longer. Add to that a whole slew of other character classes with protective wards, invisibility, bolts of lightning, combat enhancements, crowd control, well… you get the idea.

The middle tier of game content required a group of around 3-6 players to operate effectively and the top tier required multiple groups of people. These multi-group organizations were called raid groups and you could have up to 72 players joined together in 12 groups of 6 all working together to cooperatively execute a very complex strategy to overcome a challenge in the game. Since it was not possible to effectively organize that many people ad-hoc, a social system evolved and gaming guilds were born. A guild is an association of players within the virtual world that have a set of common objectives. Within these guilds people would often form lasting friendships with other players and they would look forward to their next opportunity to enter Everquest and hang out with their virtual friends. This is what made Everquest, and other MMORPGs, something more than just a game. Real relationships were developed and maintained within the context of the virtual world and quite often the relationships formed transcended the virtual world and formed in the real world as well.

At this point some of you have probably already climbed up on your mental soapbox and have made one kind of judgment or another about Everquest or virtual reality in general. That's okay. Your just responding to past belief systems and stimulus like a Pavlovian dog (I'm just toying with you here). Don't feel bad. It's natural. We all tend to see things through a certain set of glasses. Let me invite you to try on a different pair.

First, let me come clean and admit what is probably obvious given my familiarity with this subject. I have been known to dabble in the world of Everquest. And, those of you who know me well also know that I have at times spent way too much time there. Can it be addictive and bring imbalance into a person's life? Absolutely. Does that mean that it is evil and must be shunned? In my opinion, no. Now, where were we? Oh yes, new glasses… So, here are some things I submit for you to ponder:

• 
  If our culture adopts virtual reality as a "normal" part of life how do we as Christians respond? Do we reject it as wrong and encourage the world to do the same or do we embrace it look for ways to use our common ground to bring unity? (1 Cor. 9:1-23)


• 
  Can the Great Commission be fulfilled in a virtual reality? (Matthew 28:18-20)


• 
  What can we learn about people, relationships, community and, dare I say it, ourselves in the context of virtual worlds?


• 
  (This one will really bend your mind) Is this world, in fact, a virtual world from the perspective of the reality of Heaven? (1 Peter 2:11-12, 1 Cor. 13:12)

That's a bit of an introduction for those of you who may not be familiar with virtual worlds. And for those of you who are I hope it got you thinking. I've decided that I would like to add this aspect of my life to my blog and I felt I needed to establish a foundation. In the very near future I will add some more personal experiences and reflections on the subject.

To bring things full circle let me close with this question: If real community and real relationships happen within the context of a virtual gaming world, is it a game or is it real?

The Adventure Begins

The picture I have associated with this blog entry shows a map of the country of India. Why is India on my mind? I'm glad you asked. India is on my mind because some fortunate person there will have my job this time next year if all goes according to my company's plans. Yesterday I received notice that my job was being outsourced effective September, 16th 2008.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I bear no ill will toward anyone in India. While I am certainly troubled by the loss of my job and the loss of many American jobs, I am glad that people in a poverty stricken country like India are able to find lucrative employment in the high-tech sector. Good for them.


So, where do I go from here? I'm glad you asked. The truth is, I don't know. Depending on how things work out this could be either one of the most difficult challenges I've had to deal with or one of the greatest blessings. No matter the outcome though, I know that God will take care of me and my family.


So far it has felt like a blessing. Yesterday I received calls from my family and my good friends who wanted me to know that they loved me and were praying for me. Their compassion and encouragement has lifted my spirits. It's going to be a difficult year of transition no matter what the outcome a year from now and I need the love and support of my friends and family.


Thanks for listening.

He's Gone

A moment ago I received a text message at work. It simply read, “He’s gone.”

Our son had left for Anthem, the next step in his life journey. As I read the short message my eyes started to leak again. Partly because I missed him and partly because my heart went out to my wife. I cannot fully understand a mother’s love but I know that things like this parting are much more painful for Brendon’s mother.

I’m trying to remind myself that this is a normal part of life that every parent goes through. Many of them more than once but we will be spared that since Brendon is our one-and-only. I also keep telling myself that this is a good thing because this next nine months is going to be such an incredible time of rich life experiences and growth for Brendon. My last resort is to remember that he will be back next summer when the program is over. Notwithstanding these truths, it is still difficult to grasp that he is gone. Sometimes I wish I could see that giggly little boy again that struggled to sit up without falling over.

Life Exuberant

Last week I went on a hike into the Sawtooth Wilderness of Idaho with the Discipleship in Action (DIA) students from my church. This hike was to provide the students with an opportunity to get to know each other better and was also part of their training which focuses on character development. Many of these young men and women had never experienced mountains like we had here in Idaho and for some this was the first time they had attempted such a strenuous hike.

By contrast, I started hiking soon after I was out of diapers. I have visited hundreds of alpine lakes in the wilderness areas of Oregon, Washington, and Idaho and logged thousands of miles on backcountry trails. So, I was going along to help out as a friendly guide. I hoped that perhaps I would have an opportunity to share some of my wisdom and be allowed to speak into the lives of some of these students. How odd it seemed to me later when I realized that it was me who was receiving so much from them.

I've spent so much time in the alpine wilderness that I sometimes take for granted the majesty of God's creation. Watching so many of these students taking it all in with wide-eyed wonder reminded me of how privileged I was and how great is my God. It was pure joy to listen to them talk excitedly about how grand the mountains were or how clear and beautiful the water in the lakes was.

There was one event that spoke to me most profoundly though. We were all gathered on the shore of Sawtooth Lake and I recalled when I was a young teenager on just such a hike with my youth group. I remembered how much fun we had jumping into the ice cold water so I started shedding clothes and prepared to get in and lead the way. I've never been one for jumping in so I stepped out about halfway to my knees and stood for a few seconds waiting for my feet to get numb. Instead, they started sending jolts of agony up my spine as the icy tentdrils of the glacier fed lake stabbed into my flesh. I couldn't get out of the water fast enough. I tried a few more times and then confessed my defeat. Maybe it was just the seed that was needed though because one of the students (Cory) made her way down to the shore, perched on a rock, and then took the plunge.

Cory came up out of the water hollering with delight and after she got out and stood on the shore she encouraged the others to try it. As they came down to the water she gave them this wisdom: "Don't let your feet touch the water or you will feel how cold it is and lose your courage. Just get on the rock and jump in." What an incredible picture of faith. I knew the water was going to be cold and I was willing to make some sacrifice but I needed to know ahead of time how cold it was going to be. I needed to analyze it, measure it, and prepare myself for it. Once I took time to assess the cost I lost heart and allowed fear to overcome me. Some of the other students worked up the courage to jump in and others gathered close by to thinking about it so Cory dispensed some more wisdom: "Take someone's hand and do it together. It's easier if you do it with someone else." Indeed it is. That is the power of community. God designed us to live in community like this so that we could build each other up and do even greater things, things that we might not be able to accomplish on our own.

Sometimes we need encouragement from someone like Cory to rise up to the challenges in our lives and sometimes we need the shocking cold of glacier water to make us feel truly alive. And sometimes we need a slice of humble pie.

Live Like No One Else

A few months ago I read Dave Ramsey's Book, "The Total Money Makeover" because I had heard so much about him from people who had attended Financial Peace University (FPU). I thought it was pretty good but frankly it didn't meet the expectations that Dave Ramsey aficionados had helped me set. But, I was still intrigued so I watched a couple of the FPU videos.

Wow!

I can see now why Dave has had such an amazing impact on so many people. His energetic and charismatic delivery of financial wisdom leaves you feeling like there really is hope for your financial situation no matter how bad it is. Encouragement of this sort is hard to come by. I left feeling good about some of the wise financial choices I had made in the past and motivated to move myself to the next level by dealing with the poor decisions and completely getting rid of debt so that I can live the life God intended. I've done a good job saving for retirement and giving to God's Kingdom but I've done a less than stellar job of spending wisely, saving for a rainy day, and managing debt.

Dave's guiding principle is: If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.

If you're looking for another get-rich-quick scheme then Dave is not your guy. If you want to learn what it's going to take to have financial peace and you're willing to roll up your sleeves and get to work then he'll give you a step-by-step plan to do so and provide you with the tools to make it happen. Some of Dave's wisdom seems to defy logic. For example, he suggests that you pay of the smallest debts first and then apply the payments from the smaller debt to the next larger. He calls this process the "Debt Snowball". My analytical alerts instantly went off when I read that because logic would suggest that you pay off the debt with the largest interest rate first since it makes more fiscal sense. Other financial advisors I have read in the past would agree. Dave's position is that if you were smart then you probably wouldn't be in debt in the first place. Instead, he proposes that we are emotional beings not purely logical ones and the reward of paying off the smaller debt is what motivates us to tackle the next one. It's hard to argue against that.

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:7 that "…the borrower is the slave of the lender." Dave continually points out just how true this is. I find myself in a position right now where my debt is keeping me in bondage because it is preventing me from being able to make a transition from a secular vocation to ministerial one. Furthermore, it is a source of stress recently due to the uncertainty of my current job. There's not much peace or joy to be found in my current financial position.

I don't agree with Dave on everything though. In fact, I somewhat disagree with the meaning that he pours into the "later you can live like no one else" part of his principle. Although Dave is a strong proponent of tithing first, he seems to have few qualms about what is done with any money left over after you have met your saving and giving objectives. I struggle with this. I can't forget Jesus' admonition to the rich you man: "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Matthew 19:21 What a hard truth. This is one of those passages that read pretty clearly but we decide to add a lot of shades of gray to. For myself I mean that I create certain boundaries in my mind and call one side righteous and the other side sin. For example, I have certain ideas about what an acceptable car, house, or vacation is right for a Christian and what would be an unacceptably greedy choice. So, in reality it seems I have just drawn a line in a different place than Dave has. I might be more comfortable with Dave's views on this subject if there was perhaps a bit more emphasis on what the Bible teaches about Christian giving. Maybe the deal is that I'm doing poorly at giving out of my need and I'm wanting a Dave Ramsey to encourage and motivate me there too.

In summary, recommend Dave's books and I highly recommend Financial Peace University to anyone who wants to effectively manage their finances. If you don't want to be in a position in your retirement where you are forced to get your recipes from "101 Ways to Cook With Alpo" then a dose of Dave might be a good idea for you. I've already got my emergency fund established and am working away on the debt snowball. I want to be free to serve the Kingdom and leave a legacy for my son and future grandchildren. I want to experience financial peace. Don't you?

My First Baptism

This past Sunday I got to perform my first baptism. It was an experience that I am still savoring. I am so often caught up in all the busyness of life that I forget what it is really all about, namely, ushering people into God’s Kingdom. And this was it. This was the real deal. All of life’s other distractions were put on the shelf for a while as I focused on the eternally important.

Our church gathered along the shore of the Boise river where we conduct baptisms each year in August for those that want to experience it in an ice cold river. I waded out into the frigid water with the other members of our church staff and helped the pastors with a few baptisms. There was a lot of excitement as each person was lowered into the water and then raised up to the accolades of the family and friends.

And then there stood before me a young man who had just started coming to church at the invitation of a friend. He explained to us that he had accepted Jesus as his savior and wanted to be obedient to God’s command to be baptized. He wanted all that this newfound life in the Kingdom had to offer. We talked with him about the significance of baptism and then prayed over him. Though he was shaking with cold, a bit of nervousness, or both, he turned with gladness and assumed the position of one who is about to die. He held his nose with one hand and his elbow with the other as I spoke an invocation over him and we lower him down into the watery grave that symbolizes that we are dead and buried with Christ. And then we raised him up to walk in new life as his fiancée, friends, and family cheered for him.

What a privilege I thought, to be able to share such a profound event with someone. Lord, I pray that I will never take such things for granted. May I always feel awe at the profound mysteries of your Kingdom.

Passage to Manhood (Part 2)

In this second (and final) installment on my son's passage to manhood I'd like to talk about the upcoming part of his jouney. In one month Brendon will leave home and set out on his own for the first time. I remember well the day that I left home and all of the trepidation that went along with it. Brendon's situation is quite different from my own, however. My first day out of my childhood home was my honeymoon night, whereas Brendon will be leaving for Olympia, Washington to attend a Christian character development school called Anthem that is run at the Church of Living Water.

Until a few years ago I was totally unfamiliar with the concept of a Christian character development school. The closest approximations I was aware of were Youth With a Mission's (YWAM) programs: Discipleship Training School (DTS) and School of Biblical Studies (SBS) which were, at the time, largely run on autonomous bases. However, one of our associate pastors, my friend Chad Estes, was looking into a program called Master's Commission that he was thinking about running at Vineyard Boise. This was my first exposure to these types of programs which are run onsite at a local church. Anthem was originally a Master's Commission program but later changed its vision and name. Pastor Chad ultimately decided to design his own program, currently called Discipleship in Action (DIA) which is part of the Vineyard College of Mission

Here is how Anthem describes itself:

Anthem at Living Water is a leadership development program designed to empower and instruct young adults who are passionate about following Jesus and pursuing lives of meaning and ministry. Anthem is a full-time, immersion discipleship program where students are plunged into three pools of learning: hands-on training, curricular studies and personal discipleship.

I am elated that Brendon has decided to commit at least a year of his life toward pursuing what God has for him at Anthem. It was not an easy decision for him. There were some significant financial pressures for him as well as the urge to "get his life started" and enroll in college with his friends to begin pursuing his career. Initially, Sharon and I had suggested that he consider going to DIA because Brendon was having trouble deciding whether to pursue his true passion (music) or getting a more sensible degree in business. He thought about it but decided that his desire to get out of Boise for a while outweighed his desire to attend DIA. Later, his cousin Kelsey told him about Anthem and he was much more interested. In the end Brendon decided to go because he became convinced that it was God's will for him, not because he was necessarily sold-out on the idea himself or because he parents were twisting his arm. Well done son!

I am very excited to see what God does in Brendon's life this next year. What an incredible blessing he will have to spend a year in a discipleship community exploring and honing his talents as a guitar player/songwriter and building relationships with like-minded individuals.

We are all especially grateful for Brendon's great-grandparents, Vic and Fern Prosch, and his grandparents, Bob and Becky Prosch, for their financial support which has made it possible for Brendon to go to Anthem. Thank you Lord Jesus for a family who understands the importance of leaving a legacy and is willing to give of themselves and for other friends and family who have invested in Brendon throughout his life.