The Big Dream

In his book, "The Dream Giver", Bruce Wilkinson suggests that we all have a "Big Dream" that was given to us by God (The Dream Giver). If this is true, do you have a Big Dream? What is it? Are you pursuing it?

I'd like to tell you my story about how I was very recently reawakened to my Big Dream (I couldn't resist the clever pun).

Sharon and I were having dinner a few weeks ago with Matt and Robin (some new friends we met at Focus) and Matt and I were engaged in a man-to-man talk over the BBQ as men are wont to do. I told Matt that I was struggling a bit with some dissatisfaction in my career. It wasn't that I dreaded going to work. I still like my job and what I do. I just felt that I wasn't getting real satisfaction from it. I felt that I'd like to do something more valuable with my life than helping to manufacture semiconductors better, faster, and cheaper. At the end of the evening Matt went to his library and brought me his copy of "The Dream Giver" which I read cover-to-cover over the next few days.

As I read the introductory part of the book I instantly and vividly remembered my Big Dream. In fact, I remembered the precise moment that I first verbalized it. It was around 15 years ago and I was riding in the car with my father-in-law on a trip from Seattle to La Grande, OR (my hometown). It was just the two of us. I remember saying these words, "Dad, I honestly don't think that I will find fulfillment in life unless I am working full-time in the ministry." That was my Big Dream. I wanted to be in ministry full-time.

Now, I haven't really ever forgotten that dream. It just hasn't been something that has been in the forefront of my mind that I have been pursuing with purpose. Instead, I had put it on a shelf where it gathered dust. I told myself that I would take it down again when my son's surgeries were done and he was finished with college and established in life. Oh, and I needed to have my 401k balance and short-term savings in order too. In other words, I didn't really give my dream to The Dream Giver and ask him to make it happen. I just put it on a shelf and told myself that I'd probably pursue it again when I was in my fifties.

I had some other personal hurdles as well. First, I didn't feel that my relationship with the Lord was where it needed to be when it came to prayer and devotional Bible study. My other larger hurdle was that I felt lacked a deep compassion for others. I could love the loveable but really struggled to love the unlovable.

I've been thinking and praying about this a lot these past few weeks. I've also shared my Big Dream with my wife and those who are close friends/mentors/pastors in my life. Now I am beginning to wonder. Am I being called? I must confess, I'm not sure I know what a calling is supposed to look like. I do believe one thing though. I believe that part of one's recognition of a calling is a glimmer of that calling expressed in the relationships they have with others around them. As I examine my sphere of influence and ask those close to me for honest feedback, I am increasingly coming to the conclusion that I am being called.

There, I said it. And, wow, does that feel awkward. Everything in me wants to go back and rewrite that last paragraph. It sounds arrogant. A voice inside is telling me that if I publish this I am going to embarrass myself and feel stupid ("Better to remain silent and let others think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.") In fact, this whole message makes me feel undone. Something is screaming that things are simply not done this way and that dreams like this need to be kept secret. I can see the words of Dante emblazoned in my mind's eye: "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" Alright, that is, admittedly, a poor allusion given where those words were written but it conveys that idea that there is no turning back. But, that's okay. Authenticity is far more important to me these days than maintaining my grand self-image.

A few days ago I sat with my wife and son and we discussed the following proverb:
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV): In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

This proverb seems to have a particular relevance for me right now because I am seeing the steps the Lord has determined for me. Am I ready to be called? In some ways "yes" and in other ways "no". There are some financial challenges as well as some areas for personal improvement. One truth that I am holding onto during this time is this: God does not call the equipped so much as he equips the called.

So, there it is. I've published my Big Dream for all to see. I welcome your honest feedback on it and I will also continue to pursue God on the matter. This time I am going to put it in The Dream Giver's hands and let Him decide the timing. I don't know the what, when, where, or how Lord, but I am willing.

Will you pray for me in this? Please pray for God to give me guidance and to give the leadership of my church discernment. Also, will you tell me what you see in me regardless of whether or not it is something that you think I want to hear?

Thank you for your friendship and for being a blessing in my life.

[If you want to understand the significance of the white feather in the caption picture, you'll have to read the book.]